Can't Drown My Demons
by choose joy xox
Summary: Approximately 6.6 million people are victims of stalking every year in the United States. Although she knew the statistics, Spencer Hastings never thought that she'd be one of them. What started as anonymous texts and calls quickly escalated to something much more sinister. Will anyone be able to save her before it's too late? Review!
1. Chapter 1

**I HATE MYSELF. Because apparently my brain can't have one brilliant idea at a time. I apparently have to have three stories going at once. Whatever, you all know you love it.**

**This came to me after watching an old episode of Criminal Minds. It shouldn't bear any similarities really, just the overall plot inspired THIS overall plot, so I thought I'd mention it.**

**I have about three chapters written of this, and the whole story outlined, so it won't be like my other hiatus stories (WHICH WILL GET WRITTEN). Um, I don't want to tell you to much, because I don't want to accidentally give something away. So there are TWO THINGS that you need to know. Most of this story will take place in the present, but there will be a few chapters that take place in the past. And two, this is rated T right now, but I MIGHT change it to M at a later date. I haven't completely decided how far down the rabbit hole I'm going with this bad boy.**

**PROMISE THIS IS A SPOBY STORY. Wait for it, okay? If my outlines stay true he'll be back in a chapter or two, ignoring the past part of this chapter!**

**Review and let me know if you have any theories!**

Prologue

He ducked down into the cover of the leafy bushes beneath her large picture window, knowing that he was invisible to the road. His stomach stirred in excitement as he watched her bustle about her kitchen. Her mahogany locks curled at their ends and brushed against the small of her back. What he wouldn't give to replace those curls with his hands. To feel the smoothness of her creamy skin and the blood pooling against his fingers.

He wanted to feel his fingers around her neck, the gulp of panic he would feel as she realize that her life was literally in his hands. He wanted to see the terror in her eyes as she realized that she was at his disposal, and the understanding when she realized what she had done, what **he **had done. He wanted her with him, to be his to play with whenever he so desired. Watching had been enough for awhile, but it wasn't anymore. He needed more.

She was so beautiful, and soon she would be all his. He had been patient for so long, but his wait was almost over.

Chapter 1

SPOV

**January 7, 2010**

His arms wrapped around her, effortlessly blocking her thin frame from the icy air. Thus far it had been a relatively mild winter for Pennsylvania, but apparently Mother Nature decided to step it up for their return to school

"Are you warm enough?" He murmured into her ear, the fingers of his right hand tracing a soft pattern beneath her scarf.

As if she could ever be anything but warm as he held her. There was something so comforting about the touch of someone that you knew without a doubt loved you. "Keep doing that and I'm pretty sure that I'll never be cold again," she laughed, her words muffled by the scarf that she had pulled up high over her face.

He chucked and pushed the door open to the Science Building, letting her slide in in front of him. "My class gets out about twenty minutes before your lab. I'll meet you at the couches, okay?"

"I'll miss you," she teased, freeing herself from her scarf and lifting up to her tip toes to quickly peck his lips. "Have a nice class."

"Go learn things," He laughed, pulling her in for a hug. "I love you."

"Love you too, Toby." She sighed, taking a brief moment to lean against his sturdy chest. "See you in a bit."

**Present Day: October 1, 2014**

"Spencer Freaking Hastings!"

She smiled softly. Not much had been going right for her lately, but the voice belonged to the one person that she could consistently count on to make her days better. "What's up, Han?"

The blonde bounded up to her and greeted her with her signature hug. "Did you seriously forget?"

"Um, yes?" She racked her brain for whatever detail had slipped her mind. Usually her mind was like a steel trap. Once she had something committed to memory she kept a hold of it, but apparently said steel trap was faulty.

She rolled her eyes and linked arms with Spencer, leading her through the exit of her gym. She supposed she should have been annoyed that her best friend had hunted her down, but she couldn't bring herself to feel any negative emotions toward Hanna; not after everything she had done to support her over the past few years. "Wait. I'll come with you, but I seriously have no idea where we're going."

"Birthday. Emily. Us plus Caleb?" Hanna quipped. "Need anymore?"

"Shit!" She groaned, plunging her hand in her gym back to dig for her keys. She had an eidetic memory, but she couldn't ever remember what pocket she put the keys in. "I need to stop by my apartment and-"

Hanna shook her head and gestured to the backseat of her ostentatious yellow convertible. "Picked up your present already, and you look fine in what you're in. We aren't going anywhere fancy."

"What would I do without you?" She smiled and grabbed the gift bag out of the back as she lowered herself into the passenger seat. The candle and book she had picked up for her other best friend were tucked safely inside. It wasn't the most original of presents, but she knew that Emily would appreciate them all the same.

"Live a very boring life," Hanna supplied, pulling off onto the highway. "I'm in the mood for a big ass burrito."

"Wait, we're going to Puertas?" Spencer smirked. "I'm_ sure_ that was Emily's idea."

"Hey! I can't help that my belly craves those yummy burritos and margaritas the size of my face. Who doesn't like that, let's be honest."

Her phone vibrated in her back pocket before she could answer. She slid it out and stared at the screen for a second, the words ANONYMOUS taunting her. Not today. "Um, what were you saying?"

"Burritos, margaritas... pay attention, Hastings!" Hanna lightly punched her arm. "We're here anyway. Are you going to get your regular, boring nachos?"

"Um, yeah," she muttered, staring distractedly at her phone as the call was followed by a text message. Should she read it or save it for later? But she was never one for impulse control. She clicked on the text message and immediately regretted it.

_'Your ass looks really sexy in that skirt. I can't wait to feel it for myself. Soon, babe. Wait for me. xox -A.'_

"Spencer! Focus," Hanna snapped her fingers in front of her face. "What are you doing, sexting?" She wagged her eyebrows and reached for her phone.

Spencer quickly shut it off and stuffed it in her pocket. The last thing she needed was for Hanna to find out about -A. It was probably harmless, but mostly it was really embarrassing. Some girls would be freaking out that he had said that she was in a skirt, and she was in fact, wearing a skirt. But Spencer was much too logical for that. This person clearly knew who she was, and they knew that she frequently wore skirts. And what other options did they have? It was either a skirt or shorts. The weather was uncharacteristically warm for October, much too hot for pants.

She snorted, giving Hanna a delayed, but needed, response to her question. "As if."

"I wouldn't blame you, Spence! It's been awhile. Since Tob-..." she cut herself off at the pained look on her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring anything hard up. It's just... it's been like three years, Spence. Aren't you ready to maybe find someone else?"

"There isn't anyone else," she said shortly. To- _He _left her, and he took her heart with him. Even if she never saw him again, she knew without any doubt that she would love him forever. But that didn't mean that she wouldn't punch him in the throat if she did see him again. Her anger ran just about as deeply as her love.

Hanna nodded. She knew that it wasn't because she agreed, but because she knew that there was no point in arguing with someone who enjoyed arguing as much as Spencer did. It was the almost lawyer in her talking. "Are Em and Caleb already here?"

"They are. And if they know us- well me, at all they already ordered me a peach margarita, because I need me some alcohol after a day like today." She held the door open for Spencer as they walked inside together. Their eyes scanned the restaurant, and Hanna's hand wrapped around her forearm dragging her off in the proper direction. She smiled at the sight of her two other best friends deep in conversation at the round table.

She had to shake this off. She had been getting anonymous phone calls and texts for awhile now, and nothing had ever come of them. Nothing probably ever would, it was just disconcerting to know that someone may have been watching you. The back of her mind twinged with the knowledge that things in her apartment had seemingly moved all on their own, and sometimes she heard unnatural squeaks in her floorboards. They had to be coincidences, because she wasn't the kind of girl that that kind of thing happened to. She was too smart for that. It had to be her mind playing tricks on her.

"Spencer!" Emily jumped up from her chair and took her into a hug. Spencer smiled and leaned into the embrace. There was something so comforting about being in the arms of someone you knew genuinely cared about you. "Thanks for coming!"

"It's your birthday, Em. Of course I'm here." She smiled and sat down between Hanna and Emily. "Did you guys already order?"

"Yep!" Caleb laughed. "A big ass chicken burrito and peach margarita for Han, and a water with two lemons and a plate of boring nachos for you, Spence."

She rolled her eyes. There was nothing wrong with her nachos and cheese sauce. The cheese was good here. It didn't need to be masked by all of those extra ingredients.

She honestly couldn't tell you what happened at the dinner or on her drive home. She couldn't remember what she and Hanna discussed, but she didn't remember her forced smiles and heavy eyes. Ever since she lost_ him_ there was a deep sense of sadness in her soul that she just couldn't shake. When she was reminded of him, when she experienced something she wanted to tell him about, the sadness flared up and made everything else hard. And she knew without a doubt that if he were still here she would have told him about -A. She would have told him about her fears.

"Lunch tomorrow?" Hanna asked as she pulled up in front of her apartment.

Spencer nodded distractedly. "Um, yeah. I have my internship until noon and class at 2. Can you fit in somewhere during that break?"

"Yep! I'll pick you up at 12:15, kay?" She didn't wait for an answer, beeping her horn and speeding off as soon as Spencer was out of the car. She watched the yellow disappear into the twilight horizon. She couldn't be more grateful for her friends. Anyone else would have given up on her by now, but they were endlessly patient.

She unlocked the door and went straight for the kitchen, grabbing the half empty bottle of Strawberry Banana juice from the middle shelf. She downed it in just a few gulps, her thirst suddenly to the point that she couldn't deny it any longer. There was something incredibly refreshing about fresh juices. She could probably drink them every minute of the day.

Once the crushed bottle was in the trash she made her way to the bathroom, quickly going through her nighttime routine. She couldn't help but linger in the shower, the hot water pounding on her back was more soothing than anything else she could have done. As she rubbed the makeup wipe across her face a loud squeak sounded from the hallway behind her. She was sure that her heart skipped a beat or two. "Hello?" She called out, not expecting an answer. If it was someone she knew they would have announced themselves by now, and if it were a murderer they were hardly going to let her know that they were there. It was probably just the older building settling.

Her eyes were growing surprisingly heavy. Her feet felt like blocks of lead as she trudged into the living room, practically collapsing on the couch. Exhaustion swept over her like a blanket, the world going black within minutes. As her eyes drifted shut she was struck by just how easily she had fallen asleep. Insomnia was her near constant companion these days.


	2. Chapter 2

**I need to go to work, but quick note before I do! The reviews for the first chapter were amazing! I don't plan on updating this quickly every time, but I like to post two chapters fast to give you guys a taste of where this was going.**

**Things escalate pretty quickly in this chapter, and just know that was a conscious decision. I thought about keeping it slow, but I'm not a fan of when stories do that. I wanted to move things along for you guys!**

**Next chapter is from Toby's POV, and you get your first present day Spoby interaction. SO there's that to look forward to.**

**ENJOY! Looooove you! Oh and congrats to caitycaites and the most recent guest reviewer from making some accurate predictions!**

Chapter 2

-APOV

She was due to be home soon, so he had to hurry. He scanned the bottles in the fridge, attempting to discern which bottle she would choose as her nighttime beverage. Because he had things to do, and she couldn't be conscious or aware for them. He chose the half drank bottle of strawberry banana juice, knowing that it was already open and the environmentalist in her wouldn't want to open something else until she drank that.

He opened the cap and dropped the powder that he had meticulously crushed up into the pink liquid, shaking up the bottle to make sure it was invisible. The crunching of tires alerted him to the fact that he wouldn't be alone for much longer. He quickly replaced the cap and ducked into the shadows of the attached laundry room. She wouldn't be able to see him, but he could see her.

Breaking into her apartment was so easy that it had quickly lost his excitement, but this? This was the first time that he had been in there while she was awake and alert. As she walked into the kitchen his excitement only grew. He had to physically hold himself back from removing himself from his hiding place and running his hands along the creamy, soft skin that he had only touched in his dreams. He wanted to kissed her supple lips, wrap his hands around her long, thin neck, run his fingers down her tiny waist. He just wanted to touch her like he had dreamed about for so long. She would be scared at first, probably terrified, but she would grow to love him. He was certain of it. It just might take a little persuasion.

Regardless, he would find out soon.

He was gratified as she reached for the appropriate juice and sat back on his heels, waiting for the drugs to take their effect. He wouldn't do anything to her tonight, but he also couldn't have her interrupting him. He listened to the sound of the running water, again being forced to remind himself of his plan. Surprising her in the shower would be temporarily satisfying, but his grand plan would be better. It would be so much better.

As soon as he heard the shower stop he walked through the apartment and ducked into her living room closet, just in case she decided to do a load of laundry before bed.

"Hello?"

Her voice sent goosebumps erupting all along his arms. It was the first time in about four years that she had spoken to _him. _Not the person that he had become, but **him. **He smiled and squatted down. Soon she would have nothing to do but talk to him. He muffled a laugh as she stumbled into the living room, the rohypnol he slipped into her drink finally taking effect. She leaned heavily on the arm of the couch for a moment before curling up into a small ball on the edge.

He stood up and walked to her, knowing that she was either out or to the point that she wouldn't remember. He looked at her for a long second, brushing her hair out of her face and leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. She was so soft, so warm. She was so beautiful, and he wanted her. He had never wanted anything more than he wanted her. But she wasn't his yet. He had to earn her. Her eyes were still open but were clearly not seeing anything, the small slits revealing the deep brown that colored his dreams. Her hands were moving as she fought her losing battle against the drugs.

He grabbed a blanket off of the back of the couch and covered her up before walking into her bedroom. It was time to get down to business.

SPOV

**January 6, 2010**

She watched Toby walk away before ducking into her lab. It might have been unhealthy, but she always felt an absence when he was gone. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep a hold of the warmth that his presence provided her with.

Emily's long black braid was the first thing she saw as she sat down. Her quiet friend was so stunning, but she'd never realize it. The braid and her dark skin made her look for all the world like Pocahontas. "How's it going, Em?"

"I'm tired," she whined. But because she was Emily she punctuated her whine with a smile. All about accompanying all of her negative emotions with something positive. "How are you?"

"Ready for this class to be over," she admitted. "Toby and I were planning on having a movie day in his dorm. And he doesn't know it yet, but we're going to stop and get coffee on our way back from class."

"He totally does know it," Emily laughed. "Who is Spencer Hastings without triple the recommended dose of coffee per day?"

"Shut up," she laughed, smacking her shoulder. "So, what are we learning about today?"

"I think we're just finishing our lab from Monday. Dr. Petri's talking to some new kid," she glanced up at the front of the classroom. "Just kidding, they're coming up here."

Spencer looked up to see their elderly Chemistry professor approaching hers and Emily's lab table. A kid that could only be described as a cross between television's stereotypical nerd and a hipster. His curly hair needed a bit of a wash, and his large framed glasses were too large for his face. But overall he wasn't exactly unattractive. Just in need of some confidence. "Miss Hastings, Miss Fields, I was wondering if this young man could join your group? You both seem to have a firm grasp of the material, and I don't want him to get behind because he's with a group who doesn't understand well enough to explain what he missed."

She glanced at Emily, but when she saw no opposition in her friends eyes she nodded reluctantly. She'd rather work with just Emily, but she supposed that she could use her powers of intelligence for the greater good. "We'd be happy to help him out, sir."

The professor nodded and walked back to the front of the room, leaving the groups to conduct their experiments with minimal guidance. That was how she liked it, and one of her favorite things about college. In high school she was constantly bored as the teachers spent half the class period attempting to teach the more difficult concepts to those of lesser ability. She learned fast, and she learned best on her own.

She turned to the new kid, plastering on the friendliest smile that she could muster, despite the fact that she was less than excited over his presence. "I'm Spencer. And this is Emily," she gestured to her friend.

"I'm Justin," he said softly. "Thanks for letting me in your group."

At his soft spoken, insecure nature she immediately felt herself softening. She always felt protective over shy people. She couldn't help it, and she was sure that it would prove to be her fatal flaw one day. "Hey, you don't have to thank us. We can always use an extra set of hands." She shot him a friendly smile and took out her notes. "Okay, so here's what we have to do."

**Present Day: October 2, 2014**

The first thing that she noticed was that her head was pounding and her stomach was churning. It was like she got the after effects of a night of boozing without even getting to attend the party. What the hell?

She kind of wanted to call in sick, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. The law firm she was interning at only took on three law students a year, and she wouldn't give them any excuses to let her go. She hated to admit to wanting to please her parents, but this was the first time in as far back as she could remember that they acted proud of her. She didn't want to jeopardize that, because it honestly felt pretty amazing. She wouldn't change herself to please them, but for once in her life her own goals and their goals for her coincided.

She dragged herself out of bed and to her closet, digging a suit out of the back. She scanned through her memories of the previous night, struggling to remember anything past Hanna's picking her up at the gym. It was just completely blank, no matter how hard she pushed herself. Had she drank and just forgotten it? She'd have to question Hanna later.

She quickly dressed and made herself look as presentable as her current energy level allowed, ran out the back door, and slid into her car. She was running late, and the only thing that could possibly annoy her further than her forgotten night was being late for work.

Luckily the drive to her office building was a short one. She pulled up onto the top floor of the parking garage like she always did. No one parked that high, so it was much less likely that some idiot would back into her car. She walked through the abandoned concrete floor and into the attached office building, making her way to the interns' office. "What did I miss, guys?" She asked breathlessly, sliding into the seat across from Alex and next to Bridget.

Bridget laughed and nudged Spencer with her shoulder. "You look a little worse for wear. Did someone have a rough night?"

"I literally remember nothing," she laughed softly. "It was my best friend, Emily's birthday, so I assume I must have had a little bit of fun."

Alex chuckled and passed Spencer a stack of folders. "We told Harold that you ran to the coffee shop, so you're alright. We're supposed to revise these briefs by lunch, and then I think they're going to let us going to the first day of the trial."

"No," she gasped, actually excited for the first time in awhile. Her firm had been hired to work on a murder case involving a corrupt politician and an young, female intern at his office. The details of what happened to the poor girl absolutely disgusted her and set her feminist heart ablaze. If she could do something to help she wouldn't hesitate for even a second.

"Yes!" Bridget laughed. The girl was always laughing, and kind of reminded her of Hanna's high school friend Mona Vanderwaal. She was as intelligent as Spencer was, but she also was always ready to have a good time. She didn't take life to seriously, and she wished that she could be more like that.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. "Texting on the job, Hastings?" Alex teased. "You're batting a thousand today!"

"Shut up," she laughed halfheartedly. "It's probably my friend, Hanna."

"The cute one?" Alex was such a man whore, but he wore it well.

She smirked. "The one in a very committed relationship," she corrected.

She opened the text without looking at who it was from, which proved to a mistake. The text was blank, but the picture attachment showed her sleeping on her couch. Another text came through almost immediately. _'How was the juice? Did you taste anything extra in there? I was good and only looked, but next time I think I'll touch. Maybe I'll wrap my hands around your neck and squeeze until you don't have any air left. You deserve it for teasing me with those tight little pants. Or maybe I'll run my hands down your hips. Wait and see, love. xox -A.'_

She felt sick. She literally felt like she was going to puke up the contents of her stomach. He- he had been in her house? He was watching her sleep? And was she reading too much into it, or had he just admitted to drugging her?

"Spencer, are you alright?" Bridget put a concerned hand on her arm.

Spencer flinched away, like Bridget's touch burnt her. "I um- I need to go. Cover for me, okay?"

"Wait, Spencer, what's wrong? Talk to us."

She shook her head, fleeing the room as quickly as she could without drawing unwelcome attention to herself from her superiors. She knew that Bridget and Alex would probably follow her, but she hoped that they wouldn't. They didn't need to get in trouble too. There were tears stinging at her eyes, but she refused to grant them release. Just get to the restroom. Just get there and you can cry all you want. She could not embarrass herself by bursting into tears in the hallway.

She desperately grabbed onto the handle of the only single stall bathroom in the building and locked the door behind her. As soon as she was securely inside she fell to her knees and crawled across the floor, desperate to reach the toilet before she got sick on the clinical white tiles.

She made it just in time. She had no idea how long she spent hunched over the porcelain, emptying the contents of her stomach into the basin below. Hot tears stung at her eyes and ran down her cheeks as she thought about the picture, the words. The texts that seemed so harmless before terrified her now that she knew this man had been in her house. He had been right there. And he said that he hadn't done anything, but maybe he was lying. Maybe he had- She shook her head to clear those particular thoughts from her mind. She couldn't go there.

Maybe it was time to call the police. She picked up her phone and dialed her mom's work line. As she listened to the ringing she wiped the remains of the tears from her face and walked back out into the hallway. She honestly didn't care what she looked like right now. She needed to take care of this threat, and then she could play damage control at the office.

Unsurprisingly her mom didn't answer. But that was alright. This was probably a conversation better had in person. She exited the building and entered the parking garage. Usually the top floor was a source of comfort. She was on her way home, and she could rest assured that no one had hurt her car. But as she approached her vehicle she was surprised to see the number of cars surrounding hers. Usually this would have annoyed her, but today she took comfort in knowing that she probably wasn't the only person around.

She slid past the large van that was parked on the other side of her car and unlocked her door, but before she could open it a large hand covered her mouth effectively cutting off the scream that immediately ripped through her throat. Her captors other arm securely wrapped around her waist, pulling her against their chest. Her fingers helplessly scratched at the arms that were holding her prisoner, but they did no good.

She knew that there were things she was supposed to do in this scenario. She knew to not let him get her into a vehicle, but if that's what he wanted how was she supposed to stop him? His grip was sure, and his body was at least twice the size of her own. She was supposed to remember any defining characteristics, but she couldn't do that if she couldn't see him. She was helpless, and that utterly terrified her.

"I'll be coming for you soon," a gravely voice whispered into her ear. There was something familiar about it, but in her terror she couldn't quite grasp onto it. "There's no fighting it. You can run, but I'll find you. You can try to fight, but that will make breaking you in all the more fun. Just accept it, Spencer. You're all mine."

She bucked her body and tried to twist. Anything to get away, but it was useless. He wasn't even struggling to keep a hold of her. He released her waist briefly before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter. In a fluid motion he lit the lighter, pulled her arm out, and pressed the open flame to her skin. The only thing that muffled her scream was his hand against her mouth. "Now I marked you," he whispered. "Don't worry, I still think you're beautiful." His hand slowly released her mouth, but she was too shocked, too scared, to even make a noise other than the uncontrollable, quiet sobs. Her trembling body was still pressed against his chest. His hand moved from her mouth and ran over the front of her body with the lightest of touches. She barely felt it as his hands grazed over her collar bone, the spot between her breasts, and down the front of her stomach. As he reached her waist he tightened his grip on her for a second before pushing her to the ground so hard that all the breath escaped from her body.

She wheezed on the ground, scooting away from the spot that he was. But it was pointless, because even as she struggled to breath she could hear the pounding of footsteps as he ran away. She shook uncontrollably as she reached her car. She crawled into the drivers seat and locked all of the doors. She could barely see the numbers on her phone through her tears, but she managed to press the ones she was after with minimal effort.

_"911, what's your emergency?"_

"I-I was j-just attacked," she whispered, clutching her injured arm to her chest. "I-I think he's been watching me for a- awhile, and I need help before he d-does it again."


	3. Chapter 3

**Uh, so last chapter only got three reviews. They were phenomenal and everything... but three? Really? Rest assured, I WILL continue this because I'm super excited about this story. But like, three? REALLY?**

**This chapter... haha I just love this chapter. But Chapter 4 is my favorite so far. So there's that to look forward to.**

**SEND ME YOUR THEORIES. I've made parts of this pretty obvious, I'm sure. But I promise you it's not as it seems!**

**REVIEW LOVELIES.**

Chapter 3

-APOV

He watched from the lingering crowd behind the police barricade. He was among his people. He wouldn't be suspected here. As he ran away from her he had ditched his hoodie in the trash chute, ensuring that he didn't get caught with the one thing that would showcase his guilt.

Not much was visible, which was a shame. He wished he could see her, see how their moment had effected her. Was she scared? Was she crying? He was sure that she could feel his excitement at finally being able to touch her again after all of those years.

He loved her. And she would be his whether she liked it or not.

SPOV

**January 6, 2010**

Justin proved to be more of an asset to the group than she originally anticipated. Sometimes she worried she was becoming a bit of a snob, but she was so used to being the smartest person in the room that it shocked her when someone was even moderately intelligent.

They finished their projected far before any of the other groups, which sent Spencer into a blissed out academic state. They kicked ass in lab, and she would get to see Toby soon. But as the professor dismissed them she realized that he still had another half hour of class to go.

"Want to get some coffee with me, Em? If not for me then for Toby," she teased. "You know how much he hates that coffee shop, but you also know that he'll know how much I want to stop by there whether I admit it or not. He won't take no for an answer."

"Since it's for Toby," she laughed. Her eyes drifted toward Justin who had lingered next to them, even though they had exited the classroom. The last half an hour had given her the distinct impression that the kid didn't have a lot of friends.

Spencer sighed internally and bit her lower lip before speaking. "Do you want to join us, Justin? I have to meet my boyfriend in a half an hour, so it won't be very long or anything, but-" Her sentence trailed off at his eager nod, and she couldn't help but smile slightly. It was kind of nice to make someone's day. "Alright then."

TPOV

**Present Day: October 2, 2014**

He was nervous, that much was undeniable even to himself. His stomach churned with sheer apprehension for what he was about to do. Was he ready for this? Was he ready to see him again after so many years.

But he didn't really have a choice. Once he mentioned Spencer Toby could no longer deny him. He walked into the bar and scanned the room for the person he was looking for.

"Cavanaugh, over here."

He turned and smiled halfheartedly as he slid into the tall bar stool. "Hey Caleb."

It was weird to be so nervous to spend time with your best friend, but he supposed that it was understandable considering he hadn't seen Caleb in about three years. He fiddled with the straw on the water that Caleb had slid to him, waiting for him to start. A lot had changed since he graduated college, but that was one thing that hadn't. He was still reserved when he came to talking about his feelings. Furthermore, if he opened his mouth before he had a direction to take the conversation he was going to ask endless questions about Spencer.

"Okay, so you're probably wondering why I called you. I know our last encounter wasn't my defining moment."

Toby rolled his eyes. Not because he agreed, but because he was endlessly grateful for the way Caleb went to bat for Spencer. He knew that she'd need someone like that in her corner without him there.

_"What did you do?"_

_He ignored him, quickly throwing the contents of his drawer into his suitcase. He needed to get out of here before he undid all that he had just done. It was for the best. It was what she needed to reach her dreams, but God damn it felt so wrong. Her tears were nearly his undoing._

_"Damn it, Toby." Caleb's hand was in a vice grip on his shoulder as he whirled him around to face him. "What the hell did you just do?"_

_"What I had to do," he whispered, not taking his eyes off of the ground. He didn't have a choice. Didn't they all realize that he never would have done this to her unless he had no other option?_

_"What you had to do? **What you had to do?**" Caleb turned his back and paced to the other size of the room. "Do you not realize what you did to her? God, Toby she loved you. And normally I wouldn't be a girl and talk about feelings and other bullshit, but she literally just showed up at Hanna's apartment. But was she crying? No. She just looked dead. Her face was blank, and she was shaking like a leaf. Do you know why? Because she walked the two miles without a jacket on and fucking barefoot. She's lost, and **you **did that."_

_"And don't even try to tell me that you don't love her anymore. Because the pain on your face is as clear as day. And don't try to tell me that it wasn't enough, because the way you looked at her was the most sickeningly adorable thing in the world. Every single time she walked into the room your face lit up. Every single freaking time. Tell me why you did this, you asshole."_

_He grabbed his suitcase off of the bed. What he had in there would have to do. He pushed past Caleb, knowing that he wouldn't try to stop him. "Just take care of her. Please. Make sure that she's okay. And- and if she ever needs me, like **really **needs me..." he paused. He shouldn't offer this up, but how could he not? How could he offer her one last semblance of protection. Because Caleb was right. God, he loved her. And he always would. "If she needs me you'll be able to find me."_

"I'm glad she has you," he said softly. It may have been three years, but the memories were as fresh and painful as though they occurred yesterday. Leaving her was a mistake, but there was no way that she'd ever be able to forgive him.

"That's the thing, Toby. There's- there's something going on with her. She hasn't told Hanna or Emily anything, but there's something wrong."

"What do you mean?" The thought of Spencer in trouble sent a series of complex emotions through his gut. He would kill anyone that hurt her, even now. Especially now. It was painful to consider that maybe he had made her life worse rather than better by leaving her.

Caleb paused. "I'm not exactly sure. She's- she's always tense. Every time her phone rings she jumps and looks terrified. She makes excuses to come over just so she isn't alone. She thinks she's being sneaky, but..." he trailed off. He looked at Toby, his eyes filled with the hope that he might have the answers that he and undoubtedly the girls were after.

And if he weren't in the line of work he was in, if he hadn't spent so many years studying the inner-workings of the girl that he still loved more than life itself, he might have thought that it was nothing. He might have thought that Caleb was just being paranoid. But because of his job... and because he was convinced that he still knew Spencer as well as he always had... he knew that something was wrong there.

Speaking of his job, his phone buzzed, indicating an emergency.

_'7154 South 5th St. 4th floor of the parking garage.'_

"Shit." He put down the napkin he had been shredding throughout their entire conversation. "Shit, I have to go. But I do want to help with this. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

Caleb nodded and stood up, holding out a hand. Toby shook it slowly. It was a sign of respect that he hadn't anticipated from the guy who had been the best friend that he had ever had. Maybe he hadn't screwed things up with everyone. Maybe it was possibly to get his friend back.

"For what it's worth," Caleb said softly, "I am sorry for cutting you out. It was petty of me. I still don't like what you did to Spencer, but you had to have had a reason. It wasn't my place, and I'm sorry. I've missed you, man."

"No," he shook his head as he pulled on his coat. "never apologize to me for protecting her. You were there for her when I couldn't be, and I don't think I could be more grateful for that. Keep an eye on her and I'll see what I can figure out." He shot Caleb a final smile before ducking out of the bar. He glanced at the street sign above his head and decided that it would be quicker to walk. Cabs were notoriously slow in Philadelphia.

As he walked through the streets of the city that had become his home he couldn't help but turn his thoughts toward Spencer. She had changed his world, and she deserved so much more than he gave her. But he truly thought that he was doing the right thing. He thought- he thought that this would be what was best for her. Over the past three years he had learned to push her out of his brain. Not because he didn't care, but because he cared too much.

_He wrapped his arm more tightly around her willowy frame. It was freezing, and he should have known better than to have walked. But he didn't, because he was an idiot. She insisted that she was fine, but he could feel her subtle trembling through the thick fabric of her coat. He tried to give her his coat every few blocks, but she wouldn't take it._

_"Spence-" he began again, but she cut him off like he knew she would._

_"If you think I'm going to let you get pneumonia because I'm a little cold you clearly don't know me at all." She burrowed as deeply into his arms as their fast pace would allow. "We're almost there, anyway."_

_That much was true at least. "How was your bio lab today? Did your professor let you change groups?"_

_She made a face and shook her head. "Nope," she sighed. "But that's alright. There's only a few weeks left in the quarter."_

_He nodded reluctantly. He wished he had taken that class, but there was nothing to do about it now. They reached the theater and he leaned forward to pull the door open for her. His hand slid to the small of her back and gently nudged her inside ahead of him. Once they were inside he helped her out of her coat and draped it over his arm along with his own._

_Her eye roll made him smile like it always did. Spencer was such a feminist that little things like his carrying her coat had to drive her crazy. But he wouldn't stop. He didn't do it because he didn't think she was capable of doing it herself. It was because he loved her so much that he wanted to do whatever he could do for her, even if it was something so simple._

He finally reached the building he had been directed too, and took the stairs two at a time. Once he reached the edge of the scene he flashed his badge to the men who were securing the perimeter and slid through.

He found his partner, Ezra Fitzgerald, standing next to a pretty average car. "What do we have, Fitz?"

"Unknown female in her mid-twenties. She called 911 saying that she was attacked and that she suspected he had been watching her for awhile. But since we arrived she won't acknowledge anyone or unlock the door. She looks pretty shaken up, and she's favoring her right arm. So the prick must have hurt her somehow."

"Let me try," he murmured. He pushed past Ezra and the other officer that was standing there and approached the car. He bent down to peer into the window and immediately wished that he hadn't. It had been three long years, but he would recognize the subtle, curling brown hair, the thin frame and gentle curve; he would recognize the way her spine curved as she curled up in on herself. "Spencer," he whispered. His eyes burned as he took in her broken figure.

"Spencer," he said a bit louder, bringing his hand to the window. "Spencer, it's me. Open up, okay? Just open the door."

"Cavanaugh?" Ezra asked, his voice thick with apprehension.

He reluctantly tore his eyes from Spencer's shaking frame to look at his partner. "The victim's name is Spencer Hastings. She's 24 and a law student at UPenn. You should call a Hanna Marin for her, and maybe her parents." He tossed him his cell phone. "Hanna's number is in there, but don't call her from my phone. She won't answer. Ask Hanna about her parents first. If she thinks it's a good idea they can be reached at Hastings and Hastings, the law firm."

He turned back to the car. She hadn't moved, and it was scaring the hell out of him. "Just look at me, Spencer. I know-" he swallowed roughly. "I know I hurt you, and I'll never forgive myself for it. But you have to know that there was more to the story. I'm sure that you realized that a long time ago. And I'll explain everything to you. I promise you I'll tell you everything if you want to know it."

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to the glass. "You know I would never hurt you, Spencer. It couldn't be helped before, but I would never hurt you if I had any other choice in the matter. I promise you, I s_wear _I would never ask you to get out of this car if it wasn't safe. I won't let anyone hurt you."_  
><em>

Without warning she slowly looked up at him. For the first time in three years he saw her eyes. The whites were now more a dull shade of red, and the brown was a bit darker than he remembered. But that might have been due to her tears. He had envisioned this reunion so many times, but it had never thought it would go this way. He never thought she'd look so scared. "Let me in, Spencer. Let me help you."

She just looked at him for a moment. Her body still racking with the sobs that she couldn't quite, and her limbs were trembling from a combination of the cold and the fear. He watched her mouth his name before leaning forward and unlocking the door. He didn't waste anytime opening it and slowly gathering her into his arms. She was stiff at first, but it only took her a second to melt into him. She buried her face in his neck. "Toby?" She asked, her words nothing more than an insubstantial whisper on the wind.**  
><strong>

"It's me," he confirmed. "I'll help you, Spencer. We'll figure this out, okay?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Guys, your reviews are killing me in the best way possible. I've gotten a lot of good reviews on my other stories, but I've never gotten this many consistent amazing reviews on a single story. The long ones that tell me your theories and your favorite parts? I love them. Like literally I think I teared up reading a few. Haha.**

**Those of you asking me who the stalker is... Do you really think I'm going to tell you? Hahaha no. But trust me, even if you know who it is you don't really know who it is. It's way more complicated than it seems.**

**Last chapter I said this chapter was my favorite... JUST KIDDING. Next chapter is my favorite. This chapter is good, but I had to split it because it was almost 7000 words haha.**

**So keep up those amazing reviews, okay? And you'll get a chapter ASAP.**

Chapter 4

-APOV

The police came to shoo them away. He craned his neck, trying to see around them. Most people thought that if the police got a good look at you then you would be caught, but that was the exact wrong attitude. The bolder the move the better.

"What happened?" He asked a nearby police officer. He committed the name Ezra Fitz to memory. It could be useful at a later time.

"A young woman was attack," he said simply. "Why don't you move on, sir?"

He nodded slowly. "I hope she's alright."

He turned with a smile and walked into the adjacent building. It was time to get back to business.

SPOV

**January 6, 2010**

"I'm usually not a fan of the seasonal drinks, but the peppermint mocha they have is phenomenal."

Emily nodded emphatically. "Why doesn't Toby like that place again?"

"Apparently the barista slipped his number to him with a little winky face," she laughed. "He was about as red as an apple when he told me that story, and ever since than he's avoided the place. The idiot's too sweet to tell the kid that he's straight."

Emily laughed as she pulled open the door to the Science Building. "Speak of the devil," she nodded toward the fluffy red couch closest to the door they entered.

Spencer's content smile turned into an elated grin as she saw her boyfriend rise to greet her. She walked toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Even after all this time she couldn't help but feel so incredibly lucky that he loved her. Anyone in the world would be blessed to be loved by him. "I missed you," she whispered. It wasn't even teasing. She truly missed his presence when he wasn't with her, and she felt contentment like she had never experienced when she was in his arms again. Maybe that's what love was.

"It's been an hour, Spence," he laughed, ducking down to kiss her. "But I missed you too," he admitted.

"And I'm taking this as my cue to leave," Emily chuckled. She put her hand on Toby's shoulder in greeting as she passed by and handed Spencer their drinks.

Spencer passed Toby the coffee she had gotten him. "Text me later, Em. I think Han wanted us to all get together for dinner."

Emily nodded. "See you later then." She shot Justin, who was still lingering, a quick smile. "Nice to meet you."

He nodded, diverting his eyes from Spencer and Toby to smile at Emily. "Thanks for letting me into your group," he repeated his words from earlier.

"I need someone to help buffer the stink of genius from that one," she mock whispered and nodded her head in Spencer's direction. "Bye," she laughed, walking off before Spencer could come up with a suitable retort.

"You ready?" Toby asked her, his lips hovering just above her ear.

She shivered slightly and leaned into him. "Yeah," she smiled goofily and kissed his cheek. She turned her gaze to Justin. "See you in class tomorrow?"

He nodded, looking disgruntled for some reason she had no interest in pursuing. Right now all she cared about was getting back to her dorm so that she could spend some quality time with Toby. When he didn't respond she shrugged and leaned into Toby, allowing him to lead her through the door.

"I don't like that kid," he muttered.

She choked on her coffee, "Excuse me?" She laughed. Toby was never one to judge people before he got to know them, so it half both shocking and amusing in equal measure.

"I don't like the way he looks at you," he clarified. "Like... like you're a piece of meat or something. I don't even know."

"He's a sweet kid," she defended. "He doesn't have any friends, so Em and I were trying to be nice."

"Oh I'm not questioning your motives. I'm questioning his." He ducked down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. "Just be safe."

She rolled her eyes and stopped them in the middle of the sidewalk to get on her tiptoes and press a soft kiss to his lips. "Love you."

"Love you too," he murmured.

**Present Day: October 2, 2014**

She felt the familiar arms around her. She felt to familiar heat from his breath against the top of her head. She heard his soothing voice in her ear, but she was still unconvinced that it was actually happening. Toby was back?

Fear was still coursing through her veins, but it was quickly joined by embarrassment. Hadn't she told herself for years that if she ever ran into Toby again she would punch him in the nuts first and then ask questions later? She pushed against his chest, and as always he immediately got her intention and pulled away slightly. His hands were on her arms. "Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

She tried to pull her arms away, but his hands were unrelenting. "Spencer," he implored. "Don't lie to me. Are you okay?"

"No." Her voice was so quiet that she could barely hear it, but apparently he had.

"Let me see your arm, Spencer."

She shook her head. "You don't have to do this."

"_Spencer._"

Her eyes welled up with tears. As if this moment wasn't intense enough, if she weren't already _terrified, _now she had the added stress of seeing him again. How could she still love someone that hurt her so much?

But even still, she couldn't help but trust him. She knew, _she knew, _that he would never hurt her. She **knew **that he would never let her get hurt. She slowly held a shaky arm out to him, not even looking at it herself. She didn't want to see it. She didn't want to see what he had done to her.

A sharp gasp slipped between her clenched teeth as his gently prodding fingers brushed around the burn.

"What caused this, Spence? What did he use?"

"A lighter, I think," she mumbled. "I didn't see it. He grabbed me from behind."

Toby nodded and looked behind him. "Fitz?"

"Yeah?" Another cop appeared behind them. "You got something?"

"Check the perimeter for a lighter, or something of the sort. Maybe a book of matches."

She wasn't used to hearing him speak with that level of confidence, and she kind of liked it. It looked like the police force was good for him, but she always knew it would be. He just needed to see that he could be good at something, that he could make a difference. He needed to see that he was worth something.

_He walked into her dorm and plopped down on her bed. She closed the American Government book that was open in her lap and looked at him questioningly. "What's wrong?"_

_He grabbed a pillow and played with the fringe along the edges. "I- I just think that I'm going to change my major."_

_"What?" She grabbed the pillow from his hands and tossed it aside. "Why?"_

_"Who's going to listen to me, Spencer? How am I ever going to be a cop?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I just- I did it because I wanted to make a difference. I could have used a decent cop when Jenna-" he shook his head. "I wanted to help people, but I'm not the kind of person that would make a good cop."_

_She opened her mouth to speak, but immediately shut it again. How do you convince someone who was so blind to their worth how categorically wrong they were? Toby wouldn't just make a good cop, he would be an incredible one. "Toby," she framed his face with her hands. "Toby, you will be the best cop for exactly those reasons. You're the only one who will sit back and listen. Because you're so quiet, because you're so incredibly **thoughtful, **you will see things that no one else will see. You'll- you'll just be amazing."**  
><strong>_

But back then she thought she'd be there to see it all. Fate was a cruel bastard.

"Spencer?"

His soft voice had her immediate attention. She looked at him curiously. She was still afraid, terrified was a more apt description, but something about Toby's presence was calming her in a way she hadn't believed possible. He tucked a chunk of her hair behind her ear. "You said you thought he had been watching you for awhile. What made you think that?"

She blinked, wondering if she should explain it to him. But she instinctively knew that Toby was the only one that she would be able to explain it to. She shouldn't, but she trusted him. How could she not? She still loved him. She was logical enough to know that denying it to herself served no purpose. She loved him, and she always would. And along with that level of love came inexplicable trust. She reached behind her and grabbed her cell phone. After opening it to the group of unknown texts she slid it into his hands.

He kept one hand on her and used the other to scroll through her texts. She could feel his growing ire by only his tightening grip on her arm. But she didn't understand why he was angry. He was the one who broke up with her. He was the one who left and told her that he no longer wanted her.

He silently passed the phone back to her. There was some unknown emotion deep inside of his eyes. "I think that we should go to your apartment."

"Toby, I-" she wasn't sure that she could do that. She wasn't sure that she would ever be able to enter that door again without feeling dirty; like someone was watching her.

"Hey," he murmured, reminding her more of the boyfriend that she loved with everything than the cop who saved her. "I'll be there with you every step of the way, Spencer. No one will hurt you."

At her reluctant nod of consent he helped her up and to a nearby police car. "There's a first aid kit in here. Let me tell Ezra where we're going, and I'll fix your arm before we leave." He paused, putting a hand on your shoulder. "Unless you would feel more comfortable if he came along as well."

She shook her head. She didn't understand everything, but what she did get was that she trusted Toby with her life. She didn't know what prompted his leaving her, but she did know that he wouldn't hurt her. He brushed her hair back and hesitated. "I'll be right back, Spence."

He shut the door behind her, and as soon as she was cut off from his presents her pulse quickened. She looked in the backseat, checking for any unwanted companions through her tear filled eyes. She held her hands up in front of her eyes and watched them tremble. She was still so scared. Her stomach churned with the knowledge of what could have happened. He had her all alone. He could have- he could have done anything and she wouldn't have been able to stop him.

She started violently and flinched against the door as the driver's side swung open unexpectedly.

"Shh, it's just me. Everything's alright, Spencer. You're safe, I promise." Toby reached out and grabbed one of her hands. "Can I clean up your arm now?"

She nodded, certain that she would dissolve into an emotional wreck if she actually tried to talk. She couldn't look at him, but she held her arm out to him. His hands were as gentle as she remembered as he pulled her arm out straight and dabbed antiseptic on her skin. It stung, but honestly the pain in her heart was at the point that the pain in her arm was nothing.

After applying a bandage he grabbed her hand. "I know this is going to be hard, but it needs to be done, okay? We'll just go see if there's anything we can learn there."

She nodded and stared out the window as he drove through the streets of Philadelphia. She didn't even bother to ask him how he knew where she lived. The address on her license was still her parents' house. The longer she spent with him the more clear it became that there was more to the story than she ever imagined. But she couldn't focus on that right now. All she could think about, worry about, was whether she was safe now. She could, and she _would, _get her answers from Toby. But it would be after she figured out all she could about the man who attacked her.

He pulled up in front of her apartment. It was time to stop acting weak. She had done her share of that over the past hour. It was time to stop acting like the victim, and get to the bottom of this. She wasn't a victim. She would be in charge of her own life. She would figure out how to fix this, and she would do it right now.

Easier said than done, but fake it until you make it, right? "It's a bit of a mess, sorry," she mumbled.

"If a mess still means the same thing to you then that means there's probably a jacket on the floor, right?" He laughed humorlessly. "I can handle it. Come on." His hand ghosted over her back, so close that she could almost feel it, as he led her up the walkway.

She barely managed to get the key in the lock with her shaky hands, but she managed it. She pushed open the door and linger on the outside. Toby, seeing her fear and hesitation as he always had, went in first. She followed him, intending to sit on the couch. But the memory of the picture sent her to one of her kitchen chairs instead. "Do what you need to do," she mumbled. "I'm just going to wait right here."

He looked at her, his blue eyes positively radiating with some out of reach emotion. He nodded. "Stay here, okay?" Without waiting for her answer he ducked into the hallway.

She didn't know what he was expecting to find, but he seemed resigned almost. Like he knew that he'd find something he wouldn't like. Something that would scare her further. She knew him too well. His stony front wasn't working on her.

"Spence, can you come here for a second?"

His voice was tense, hiding something. That wasn't good in a scenario like this, especially when it came to Toby. She unfolded herself from the chair and walked through the hallway, into her bedroom where he was waiting.

He didn't turn to acknowledge her. He was squatted on the ground beneath the window seal. "Have you had any deliveries lately? The cable guy? Maybe a repair man?"

"Stop beating around the bush and ask me what you want to know, Toby." She kept her eyes on his back. He found something. She knew that he had, and it was giving her anxiety. His reluctance to tell her was only making it worse.

"Has anyone been in here besides you? Anyone that you don't know, or don't know well? If it was a good friend you probably would have recognized him when he grabbed you, but just an acquaintance maybe not." He pulled something off of the bottom of the ledge with something that looked like a zip lock bag. It took her a moment to realize that it was to preserve any finger prints. "This is some kind of listening device. And if I'm being completely honest with you, I really doubt that this is the only one. I'm going to call this in and get a team out here."

This was too much. She slid to the ground and hid her face in her hands. The floor squeaked as he shifted to sit down next to her. "We'll figure this out, Spencer. I promise you, I won't stop until you're safe."

She couldn't think. Hell, she could barely even breath. Her chest hurt. She just wanted out. The words slipped out before she even thought about them. "When you were trying to get me out of the car you- you said you'd tell me everything."

"I did," he confirmed. He hesitated before putting a steady hand on her back.

She looked up at him. "Did you mean it?"

"I- I did, but I have to warn you that you aren't going to like it."

"I kind of guessed that already, Toby." She had to know. There was no pushing those feelings aside. Not when he was right here with her. She would be safe with him next to her. Her more pressing concern was getting the answers she had been after for three years.

"Are you sure you wanted to know?" He gave her one last chance to let it go, just like he always did. He was the exact same Toby that left her three years ago. He looked at her the same way, treated her with the same respect and gentleness... it was making everything all the more confusing.

She nodded. It didn't matter what the answer was. She had to know.


	5. Chapter 5

**The identity of the stalker is not the important thing here my dears. I have made that moooooore than obvious. What's important is the different layers of the stalker, if that makes sense.**

**I really enjoy this chapter. There's also a HUGE HINT in here. HUUUGE HINT. I will give you a shout out when what the hint is about is revealed if you guess correctly.**

**Keep sending in your theories because I LOVE THEM.**

**Review and let me know what you think, dears.**

Chapter 5

-APOV

As he made to leave he caught sight of her from his new position. Her trembling frame gave him a certain degree of satisfaction until he recognized the man next to her.

That Cavanaugh kid. Now everything was going to be so much more difficult.

"Hey! Are you coming?"

He looked at the small girl. "Yeah. Sorry. You ready to get going?"

She nodded. "I'll drive, if that's okay."

SPOV

**October 7, 2010**

She watched Toby walk away before looking down at her phone again. She always loved it when he stayed the night. Sleeping was so much easier when she was in his arms, but she almost wished that he had gone home last night. Hiding this from him was next to impossible. She chewed on her lip as she read the words that had her nervous.

_'You coming to class? -J'_

She had assumed that it was Justin. She knew no other J's, but that begged the question how he got her phone number. When she asked him he simply said that he got it from Emily, which she seriously doubted.

"Hey!"

She laughed quietly as Emily approached her from behind. Talk about a sense of ironic timing. "Em, did you give Justin my number?"

"No," she looked as apprehensive as Spencer felt. "Maybe he creeped on your facebook and got it? He did seem like he had a little bit of a crush on you."

Toby had effectively said the same thing yesterday, and she wasn't seeing it. There wasn't anything special about her. "My number isn't on Facebook. It's asking to be stalked," she laughed nervously. "But I'm sure that you're right. There's probably a logical explanation."

TPOV

**Present Day: October 2, 2014**

Over the past three years he had both dreading running into Spencer and hoped for it with reckless abandon. He wanted to make things up to her. He wanted to make things right more than he ever wanted anything. But he was terrified, _terrified _that's she'd never forgive him. He was afraid that he'd have to spend his life living in regret than anything.

But even more than all of that, he was truly and utterly terrified over what was happening to her right now. He had seen things like this before. If someone had already gone to all of this effort, if they already had this degree of fixation on her than there was no way they'd give up on her. Not until they got what they wanted. He had to find a way to keep her safe.

"I-" he swallowed roughly. "It all started when I got a letter."

He reached across the empty space and reached for her hand, half expecting her to push him away. But after a moment of stiffness she squeezed his hand. "What did it say?"

He couldn't speak. It was also an unfortunate side effect of his nerves, and he had never been more nervous than he had at this moment. He got the distinct impression that his life was at a crossroads. What she felt, what she decided right now, would change the course of his life. Could she forgive him?

It seemed like time hadn't lessened her ability to read him, as evidenced by the way she took his hand in both of hers. "I can't promise I won't be angry. I actually can promise the exact opposite. I'm pissed. I'm so incredibly angry with you for leaving me. But what I'll also say is that I-" she hesitated. "I still love you. Sometimes I wish I could have stopped, but you can't turn something like that off. I tried. I love you just as much as I did the day you left."

He bit his lip so hard that he was surprised when it didn't draw blood. He nodded to himself. "It was from your dad and his lawyer."

"My dad?" Now she was surprised. "What did he say, Toby?"

"He-" he swallowed again, sweat beading along his forehead. It felt so wrong to have this conversation right now. In her room where God knows who was listening. But it also felt right, because he was with her. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and slid the folded paper out of it.

"You kept it?" He could feel her looking at him, but he was too emotional to meet her eyes. One look at her and he would cry, which would be the emotional cherry onto of this horrible day.

Instead he just nodded. "It reminded me why I couldn't come back to you." Screw eye contact avoidance. He looked at her and saw the tears that were swimming in his own eyes reflected in her's. "Because Spence, I- God, I regretted it as soon as I did it, but I thought I was doing what was best for you. Believe me when I tell you that. Because if I hadn't thought that I never could have brought myself to leave you. You were just- God, you were the only bright spot in my shitty life. I needed you more than I needed anything, and your well-being was the only thing that could have caused me to willingly give that up."

She didn't respond. She unfolded the letter and quickly scanned the words. He didn't need to read along with her. The words had been committed to his memory long ago.

**Dear Mr. Cavanaugh,**

**Mr. Hastings is having me draft this letter on his behalf. It is to inform you of the actions that he intends upon taking if you are to continue to see his daughter.**

**1. Miss Hastings will lose all access and privileges to her trust fund. This is allowed and legally acceptable due to a clause in the fund's charter stating that if the trustee begins to exhibit behaviors unfitting of the Hastings name they're rights to the funds will be extinguished.**

**2. Miss Hastings will be a Hastings in name only. The rest of the family will cut her off, having nothing to do with her.**

**3. Mr. and Mrs. Hastings will discontinue funding her education. If she is able to find alternative funding they were ensure that she is unable to practice law in the state of Pennsylvania. They would do this out of concern for her future clients because her actions would exhibit the faulty judgement that is inappropriate in the legal profession.**

**They do all of this out of love for their daughter and carry no malicious intent toward the young woman. They are certain that you're a nice young man, but you're not right for their daughter. You have a week to vacate her life or the consequences will begin.**

**Sincerely,**

**John J. Smith, J.D.**

She was still. She was too still, and it was freaking him out. Although, to be honest, it was better than the reaction that he had had after reading those words for the first time. A broken lamp and a bloody fist were prominent in his memory. "Look, you don't have to say anything or decide anything right now, but-"

He was cut off by a sharp slap to the face. He was actually pleased that her blow had a bit of weight behind it. If something like what happened today happened again she'd be able to hold her own, assuming she wasn't paralyzed by fear. "I guess I deserved that, but Spence-" This time his words were cut of by her lips against his. It started out innocently, but after only a second she was practically in his lap; her hands were on either side of his face and his were tangled up in her soft hair.

It had been years, but it also felt like no time had passed. It felt right. He felt like he was home.

After what felt like both a few seconds and an eternity at the same time passed she lightly touched her forehead to his. "That was so stupid, _so stupid. _I could lose everything and still be alright if I have you Toby. I don't need them, **especially **after reading how little they think about me."**  
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"I never wanted you to choose between us, Spence. They're you're family, and they always will be. They're not perfect, but..." he trailed off, not really sure what to say. Was he really defending her parents right now?

She shook her head. "I'm not even going to acknowledge them with words right now, okay? We need to talk about us for a second, and then we need to talk about whoever the hell just- you know."

He nodded, standing up and pulling her along with him. "Go ahead."

"I just- I love you. I already said that. But how am I supposed to trust you to not leave me again? I don't- I don't think you have any idea what it did to me, Toby. After everything, I think I knew deep down that there was more to the story, but you just- you broke me. I can't go through that again."

"I'm not going anywhere, Spencer. I know that I said that before, but this time I mean it. I swear, I only just barely kept myself away this time." He closed his eyes. "I'd see a girl with hair like yours and wonder what you were doing. I'd hear a song we used to listen to and all I could think about was finding you and begging you to forgive me."

She looked at him, the only sign of emotion was the trembling of her lips. She was trying not to cry, and it was all his fault. Why had he been so stupid all those years ago? He was an impulsive idiot. Instead of taking the letter to her and trying to figure it out together he had done the worst thing that he could have done.

He considered taking her into his arms, but was interrupted by a loud knocking on the door. "That's probably the team I called in. Are you alright?"

She nodded, unable to stop the fear from seeping back in her eyes. Apparently he still knew how to read her as well as she knew him. "Hey," he took a large step forward and gently grabbed her upper arm with one hand and smoothed her hair back with the other. "I'm right here, remember? I won't let anyone hurt you." He would remind her of that every second of the day. And they weren't just words. She'd always be safe with him.

"Okay," she whispered. All the vulnerability had disappeared for a few minutes. They weren't exactly blissful, but they were wonderful compared to this. Because seeing her so afraid was literally killing him. She didn't deserve that.

He carefully grabbed her hand and led her through the hallway and to the front door. He glanced back at her for a second before unlocking the latch and pushing the door open. He momentarily considered dropping her hand, but just as he considered it she tightened her grip on him like she read his mind. He was right. It was the team he called in, but it was also Hanna.

"Hey, asshole!" She pushed past him, and grabbed Spencer around the waist, pulling her to the couch.

He already felt her absence, but he couldn't do anything about it right now. She needed her friend, and Hanna was a great person to have on your side.

"Cavanaugh? What's up?" Ezra walked in behind the team. "What did you find?"

He explained the case to him as the two of them walked into Spencer's room. Behind further than arm's length from her riddled him with anxiety, but he couldn't do anything about it. He heard himself talking, but his mind was focused on Spencer. Was she okay? What was she telling Hanna?

"How do you know her, man?" Ezra asked him in a low voice. He didn't know why the question surprised him, but it did. Apparently the fact that he was still hung up on Spencer wasn't a secret to anyone. "Don't try to deny it. You know this is going to get worse before it gets better, and if you can't handle it-"

He shook his head, effectively cutting him off. "I can handle it. I'm not leaving her alone."

"Hey!" Hanna ducked her head into the bedroom. "Have you guys seen Spencer?"

His head whipped around so quickly that his neck cracked. "What are you talking about? Isn't she with you?"

She shook her head, her blonde curls bouncing. "I went to the bathroom, and when I got back she was gone."

He didn't even think about what he was doing. He pushed past Hanna and into the living room. What the blonde had said was confirmed in seconds. **Spencer was gone.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I should have put this chapter with the last chapter, but I couldn't resist the two life ruining cliffies. Sorry not sorry. You can thank your AMAZING reviews for getting this so quickly! I'm dying haha. You guys are the literal best in the entire world. The literal best. **

**Anyway, I have to work the worst shift in the world tonight. So leave me reviews, okay? I'll be happy with reviews!**

**Sidenote, next chapter is more from the past than anything else. So you get some insight on what happens at the end.**

**AND BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL SO AMAZING I'VE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING. If you want you can leave me a question in your review. And if this chapter gets 10 reviews I'll pick one to answer. If for some reason it gets 15 I'll pick two, and so on. I'm not going to tell you who the stalker is or anything, but something small? We can do that.**

Chapter 6

-APOV

He had to know. It didn't matter that he was a work. He had to figure out what was going on with her. He was sure that the Cavanaugh kid took her back to her apartment.

"I'll be right back, okay?" He told his co-worker of his intent.

She smiled and nodded distractedly, looking back down at her stack of papers. He watched her for a second. She was pretty, but she was no Spencer. He picked up his laptop and ducked through the hallways, sliding into the bathroom and into a stall.

He quickly worked his way through his encryption and turned on the cameras. He didn't see anyone but Cavanaugh and her blonde friend in the living room. But when he turned to the living room his stomach clenched in fear and anger. Cops. The bitch actually told the cops about him.

SPOV

**January 25, 2010**

She dodged the sugary candies Hanna had thrown into her yogurt to snag a small bite of the creamy vanilla. "So did you and Caleb manage to snag that date you two were after?"

"Kinda," Hanna laughed. "He mostly watched some football game at that sports bar that him and Toby like, and I ate my boredom away. But we got to spend time together, so there was that."

"Do you like him?" She sang like a twelve year old on the playground. Sometimes that's what worked the best on Hanna.

"You know I do!" She threw a gummy worm at Spencer. "Hey, Spence, I think that guy's looking at you."

She hesitated, hoping that it was just a coincidence. She was hoping that her fears wouldn't be further confirmed, but as she looked over her shoulder and made brief eye contact with Justin through the glass her heart sank. "Han, I think he's following me."

"What are you talking about?" Hanna's eyes widened and glanced at the window again. "Do you know who that is?"

"His name's Justin. He was put in Emily and my's group in our bio lab. And he keeps showing up everywhere I am. I don't- I guess I'm not sure what to do." She fiddled with her spoon for a second before glancing back and seeing that he was gone. "I mean, what if it's just a coincidence?"

"Have you told Toby? It might just be a coincidence, but what if it's not?" Hanna took a sip of her diet Pepsi and pulled her phone out to check the time. "I need to get going, but I'm starting to think that I should walk you home first."

"Are you kidding? Toby would freak out. He already hates the kid because he looked at me funny once. I don't want to do anything until I know for sure what's going on." She took her last bite of yogurt and grabbed her coat from the seat next to her.

"That doesn't ease my need to walk you home worries. Do you want me too? I mean it's not too far out of my way."

Spencer smiled at her friend's concern but shook her head. "I can take care of myself."

**Present Day: October 2, 2014**

She could hear Toby's voice in the bedroom and the sound of running water from the bathroom. She could hear all of that, but it was like she wasn't there. Her whole talk with Toby had been a nice distraction from the terror that was saturating this day. But now that he was gone it was back full force.

Maybe it was the unknown that was the worst part. She didn't know who was doing this to her. She literally had no idea. She couldn't do anything about it, and she hated that. She was the kind of person that couldn't deal with the unknown. But Toby would take care of it. If she had to leave her fate to another person she was glad that it was Toby.

She closed her eyes, that letter weighing almost as heavily on her mind as the thought of someone stalking her. This... this she could take care of. Before she even knew what she was doing she was off the couch and out the door with her keys in hand. The folded up paper was as heavy in her pocket as heavy as a weight.

She had driven to her parents' law office hundreds of times, but none had felt quite like this. She was the exact definition of rebellious for a Hastings, but she was heading over to raise hell. She was still angry with Toby. She was livid, more like. But she still felt an inordinate desire to protect him. No one would hurt him while she was around, least of all her own _parents._

Furthermore, she was glad to finally know what they thought of her. She had always suspected that they thought less of her. But to be so demeaning... so **patronizing**... she never believed them capable of that. Her tires screeched as she parked illegally in front of her parents' office. She slammed the door shut and took the five flights of stairs two at a time.

Her dad's secretary sat at her desk eating a cup of noodles. "Miss Hastings, how-"

"No time for small talk, Betsy. I need to talk to my dad." She could hear the older woman's noises of protest, but she ignored them; pushing the door open.

Her dad sat at his desk writing something in a notebook and eating a sandwich. "Spencer?" He asked in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"So, I saw Toby today-" she began. She could hear the anger in her own voice, but she didn't know if her dad knew her well enough to hear it for himself. He had always provided for her, but that came at the cost of actually getting to know her as a person.

"Toby? Toby Cavanaugh?" He used his concerned voice. But it was fake. It had to be fake, because the man who wrote that letter didn't care about her at all. "Are you alright, Spencer?"

She laughed bitterly and yanked the letter out of her pocket. She unfolded it and slammed it onto the notebook in front of him, knocking his coffee over. "Spencer!"

"Fuck your coffee! How could you do this to me? How could you think so little of me?" She sank into the chair and put her face into her hands. "How could you?"

"Spencer-"

"Don't tell me that you don't remember, dad! Don't tell me that you didn't fucking write this." She never cursed, but she was so angry right now that she didn't even think twice. "How dare you interfere in my relationship like that?"

The room was silent for a second as he read over the letter. "Spencer, I-"

"What? What could you possibly have to say that would excuse what you did? I _love _him, dad! He was stupid! He was so incredibly stupid, but he did it to protect me. But after reading this I'm starting to think that you never cared about me at all." Her chest heaved as she blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Spencer, I didn't write this." He calmly folded the letter back up and handed it to her.

"Don't get me with semantic right now. Okay so your lawyer-"

"No," he shook his head. "Spencer I didn't do this. I never would have done this."

"What are you talking about? Of course you did. Who else would have done this?" She asked him in a small voice. Her chest hurt. She didn't know what to do. If her dad hadn't done this than who had?

"It seems like someone wanted you and Toby to break up very badly. If you want, I-" he paused. "I make use of a private detective occasionally. I could pass this on to her to see what she can find out."

She nodded. She had to know. She had had a few people that didn't like her very much, but nothing to warrant this. And maybe she was crazy, but she believed her dad when he told her that he didn't do this. She believed him, because she had seem him wrong, she had seen him on the defensive... and this wasn't that. He hadn't done it.

A flash of a memory flashed through her head. It was stupid, but it was the only thing she could think of. She needed to go talk to Toby.

Later she would probably regret being rude, but right now she didn't care. She was worried about nothing but getting home and attempting to solve at least one of her many mysteries. She wasn't really in a position to drive home, but she wasn't thinking clearly along those lines either. She could have called Toby to come get her. She could have called Hanna. But instead she decided to drive with her mind on anything but the road.

As soon as she pulled the car into her driveway the door was wrenched open, and she was pulled into the only arms that could make her feel safe. She didn't have to see him to know that it was Toby. The feelings that his embrace induced her enough of an identifier. "I'm sorry."

"Where'd you go?" He asked her in a choked whisper. "I was afraid- I thought-"

Shit. _Shit. _She hadn't even thought about what he would think when she wasn't there. "I'm fine, Toby. I'm fine. I just went to see my dad."

"Your dad? Spencer, I didn't want to start anything between the two of you; I just thought that you deserved to know." He pulled away slightly so that he could look at her. Her heart ached when she saw the residual fear in his eyes. She hadn't meant to frighten him.

She shook her head. "I would have given him exactly what he deserved, but Toby- he didn't do it. He didn't send you that letter."

Toby sucked in a shaky breath as he pulled her close again. "Then who did?"

"I um- maybe I have a theory. Do you remember that Superbowl party we went to junior year?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Things get hella crazy soon. Prepare yourself my loves. This chapter is mostly in the past. Sorry not sorry.**

**Last chapter got nine reviews, but I suppose I will still answer a question! Woodstock99, if my outline stays true this should be somewhere between 18 and 21 chapters, depending on how long each chapter ends up being. I'm thinking on the higher end of that though!**

**Same dealio. Ten reviews and I'll answer a question. This time I'll answer something that involves a spoilers, and I'll PM the person responsible. If you're a Guest reviewer and have a tumblr leave me your url and I'll send you a message on there. HINT... if your review only involves a question yours won't be picked. Just saying. 15 reviews and I'll post the answer to the question in my next author's note.**

**Shouts to caitycaites AGAIN for first of all being a clear and obvious diabolic genius. This girl needs to go ahead and add professional mystery solver to her resume, okay? But also for helping me work through the one part of this I was unsure about! You'll thank her when we get there, loves! Haha.**

**OKAY READ. I'm going to bed, leave me beautiful things to wake up to!**

Chapter 7

-APOV

After a long day he arrived back home. He walked into the walk in closet of his spare bedroom and immediately relaxed. He couldn't be surrounded by Spencer yet, but this was almost as good. Her face was plastered on the wall from floor to ceiling. Sometimes she was smiling, sometimes she was frowning. Sometimes she was alone and sometimes she was with friends. What never changed was that she was so beautiful.

Years had passed since she actually looked at him, since she acknowledged him for who he was and not who he became for her. But that would all change soon. Soon she would have no choice but to acknowledge him.

He was almost ready.

SPOV

**February 7, 2010**

She couldn't help but be a little nervous, and she didn't know why. No, she knew exactly why. Justin was still following her. Well, maybe he was following her. Hanna kept pushing her to ask him about it, but she couldn't do it. What if it was all just a coincidence? What if he wasn't following her at all?

Bio Lab was awkward, to say the least. Emily knew of her suspicions, so she wouldn't speak to Justin at all; which left her to awkwardly mumble questions and requests. On Monday she was going to request a new group. She couldn't have this effecting her education.

But now she had Toby by her side, and that was truly when she felt the safest. In their four years of dating he had proven that he would protect her, take care of her. So if for some stupid reason Justin showed up he certainly wouldn't try anything tonight.

"Are you alright?" Toby ducked down slightly, trying to look into her eyes.

She shook off the fear and uncertainty to look up at her boyfriend with a small smile. "I'm great. I mean I hate football, but other than that I'm great."

"It's the Superbowl, Spence. Watching it and gorging yourself on unhealthy food is practically a requirement for all Americans," He chuckled and held the door open, steering her inside ahead of him as he always did.

"Well, call me a communist because I already ate." As soon as they were out of the way of the door and turned around, grabbed his other hand, and leaned up to press a soft kiss to his mouth. "I love you." She wouldn't admit it to him, but she wasn't really alright. She couldn't shake off the nerves. Something was going to happen tonight, she was certain of it. And Toby was the only one who notice how put off she was. He was the only one who ever noticed.

He pulled away and just looked at her. It felt like the clear blue of his eyes was seeing right down into her soul. "I love you too, but are you sure you're okay, Spencer? If you want to go we can leave-"

She laughed and kissed him again. If he thought that she would let him give up something that she knew he was excited for because she was feeling less than fabulous he was crazy. "I really do love you," she dropped one of his hands. "Let's go find us something with an unhealthy amount of calories."

He rewarded her such a happy grin that she couldn't help but catch some of his enthusiasm. Maybe this would be a good night. He stopped her in front of the food table. "There's some salad..." he trailed off uncertainly.

And right then and there she decided to make this night all about him. He deserved it. "I'm thinking some greasy wings," she gestured to the containers at the end of the table.

"Really?" He looked at her like she just suggested running naked through campus. She didn't eat unhealthily very often, but this kind of reaction was ridiculous.

She laughed and took the plate from him, filling it up with the stuff she knew he loved and she barely tolerated. He was always making sacrifices for her, doing the things that he knew she loved. She could do this for him. It was nothing compared to what he did for her. "Shut up," she laughed. She took a boneless wing off the top of the stack and handed the rest of the plate to him. "I'm going to run to the rest room. Find us somewhere to sit, okay?"

He nodded and ducked down to kiss her quickly. "Hurry back." He smiled and squeezed her hand before walking toward the living room.

It was weird. Most of the time she felt like a strong, independent type woman. But Toby showed her that it was okay to need someone, to admit when you needed help. She wasn't entirely comfortable with the concept, but she was getting there.

"Spencer?"

She cringed. It was like a scene out of a freaking movie. Dumb, unsuspecting girl runs into the person that she wanted to see the least. She turned around slowly, and from the hungry look in his eyes as he scanned her body she knew that she was stupid for ever thinking it was a coincidence. He was following her. "What are you doing, Justin?"

"I-"

She shook her head. She wasn't going to listen to his excuses. Before she was nervous; now she was pissed. "Are you following me?"

"I just- I don't know. Maybe." His maybe sounded an awful lot like a yes.

"Why?" Her voice was hard. She wouldn't let him know how much he scared her.

He just looked at her for a second, his hand reaching out for her. But that wasn't going to happen. She took a step backward, out of his reach. She wasn't stupid. He could definitely overpower her, so she had to make sure that he didn't touch her. He looked like he wasn't going to say anything. She narrowed her eyes and took another small step back, her hips bumping into the wall. "_Why?_"

"Damn it, Spencer," his voice was a harsh whisper. It was a tone she had never heard from him before and it was starting to freak her out. He reached out again, this time snagging her wrist before she could pull away. "I think I love you."

"Excuse me?" She wrinkled her forehead. "Justin, you don't even know me."

"No, I do!" He spoke earnestly, and with each syllable his fingers tightened on her wrist. "I love the way you smile at everyone. I love how you tuck your hair behind your ears when it's getting in your way. I love how you always have chapstick in your pocket. I love the way you snap on the hair tie around your wrist when you're thinking. I love how you're the smartest person in the room, but you never act braggy. I love how you're always willing to help people. And damn it, Spencer. I just love you."

"Justin," she kept her voice as calm as she could. She wanted to yank her wrist out of his grip, but instinctively she knew that this would make him more earnest, more determined to keep a hold of her. "Listen to me, okay. You're a sweet guy, but I have a boyfriend that I love a lot. It's always going to be him."

"How do you know? Maybe if you gave me a chance-"

She shook her head. She knew she needed to keep him talking. Apparently the party guests mulling around couldn't see her panic, but Toby would. He'd come looking for her before too long. "How do I know? How do I know that I love him? Because my heart literally aches every time I see him. I always want to be close to him. I love when he's around, and I miss him when he's not. I hurt when he hurts, I laugh when he laughs... I just love him more than anything. I _love _him, Justin. I'm sorry that's not what you want to hear, but it's true. It's always going to be him."

"Maybe you just need a little convincing." His hand tightened to the point of being painful and pulled her in. She only realized his intent as his lips were nearly on her. Her head whipped to the side so that he hit her cheek.

She twisted away from him. "You're hurting me," she said as calmly as she could. "You need to let me go."

"Not until-"

"What the hell's going on here?"

It was like ever single nerve ending in her body relaxed at the sound of Toby's voice. Somehow she knew that everything would be okay as long as he was there. But she couldn't make her vocal chords work to let him know that she was alright.

But his eyes were no longer on her. The hands that were always so gentle on her roughly grabbed Justin's shoulder and pulled him off of her. Her wrist actually hurt more once it was released and the blood was able to rush back to the region. She shrank back against the wall and watch as Toby pushed Justin against the cool plaster. "I asked you a question." His voice was hard, and he almost looked dangerous. She found it hard to reconcile that with the soft and gentle Toby that she knew. But she also knew that he knew how to defend himself and to protect her. She knew that there was a reason she always felt so safe around him.

But even still, she couldn't let him do this. Watching Toby kick the ass of the guy that scared the hell out of her would have been nice, but she couldn't let him jeopardize his future like that. Not for her. "Toby," she murmured. She took a shaky step forward and put her good hand on his heaving back. "Toby, come on. He's not worth it."

She could actually see his hands tightened into fists on the fabric of Justin's shirt, who looked about as scared as she felt a second ago. Physicality was only good when you were the bigger one. "Toby, _please," _she begged, her voice bordering on hysterical.

Her pleas sent his shoulders sagging. He shoved Justin into the wall before turning to her and wrapping both arms around her. "I swear to God, if I ever see you even looking at her again nothing will stop me from killing you where you stand. Do you understand me?"

His words concerned her, but she didn't have the energy to do anything other than lean into him. Being completely enveloped by his warmth was doing more to calm her than anything else could. Her heart ached at how gentle, how careful, he was as he spun her around and led her into the kitchen. She looked over her shoulder at Justin, and she immediately wished she hadn't when she saw the longing in his eyes. Was this not over?

The door to the kitchen flopped shut behind them with a thunk. As soon as they were alone Toby pulled away to look at her. She tried to divert her eyes, but his gentle fingers caught her chin, tipping her face upwards. "Talk to me, Spencer. Did he hurt you? Are you alright?"

She shook her head and pushed his hand away. She leaned forward and buried her face in his solid chest. She hated appearing so weak in front of him, but she would never calm down otherwise. She needed to feel safe, and nothing could make her feel safe but Toby. She felt as he stretched her bruised arm out with all the care and tenderness in the world. She felt his breath as he leaned into the embrace. "Was that the kid from your Bio Lab?"

She nodded against his chest, content on never moving again. She felt him tense slightly as someone walked through the kitchen. "Let me get you some ice, and then we can go."

Her fingers grabbed fists full of his shirt to stop him. He couldn't move, because he was literally the only thing keeping her sanity intact right now.

"Spence," he murmured. "He won't hurt you, okay? I swear to you, he'll never hurt you again." He hesitated. "Why did he do that in the first place? Do you know?"

"He had a crush," she murmured into his shirt.

She hadn't expected him understand her, but apparently he had. "Has he done anything like that before? Even just scared you? Because I am perfectly fine with riding down to the police station right now to fill out a restraining order."

She hesitated. If she told Toby everything he would needlessly panic. It was done. It had to be done, because what idiot would come after her again knowing how TOby would react? She shook her head. "This was the first time."

He nodded against the top of her head. She felt him brush his nose against her hairline and knew that was his way of calming down himself. "Okay, that ice." He tried to pull away again, but she just held onto him more tightly.

He changed tactics and brought her with him. She felt the blast of chill air and heard the soft clinking as he fiddled with the ice cubes. As he put the hastily prepared ice pack on her wrist he slowly steered them back into the living room. "You ready to get going?"

She shook her head. She wasn't going to run, and she wasn't going to let this effect her life any. "No, let's stay."

**Present Day: October 2, 2014**

"Yeah." Toby held her at arm's length and studied her face. "Yeah, I remember that. You think that prick broke us up back then?"

"It's the only thing I can think of." She stretched her arm out and brushed her fingers along the bandages Toby had carefully covered her wound with. Was he the same one that was doing this now too? "I just- I don't know. Things like this usually start out with an unrequited crush, right? I basically have the sex appeal of a water buffalo, so we're working with a limited list here. And as for breaking us up... if you hadn't shown up when you did that day I'm not sure what he would have done. He had to see that you were..." she let the sentence trail off, unsure of how to continue.

"You don't see yourself clearly at all." He brushed her hair away from her eyes. "You might be onto something though, but it just seems too sudden. He harasses you once at a party three years ago and then jumps to this? But the letter, that makes sense. He would see me as standing in your way after I intervened like that."

"I might have lied to you back then," she admitted reluctantly. "It might not have just been the party."

"What are you talking about?" He asked like he didn't want to hear the answer.

"He had been following me for awhile. I just didn't want to see it. He wouldn't leave me alone until you stepped in." Her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

His hands were immediately on her face, tilting it upwards to force her to maintain eye contact. "You're telling me he was basically stalking you? Damn it. What if he had hurt you? I need to tell Ezra about this because it's the best lead that we have. What was his last name?"

"I don't think that I ever knew it. He never told me." She felt stupid now. How could Justin not have been the first place that her mind went to? But she supposed that it was because she tried to block out anything that had to do with Toby. It had hurt too much.

"Perfect." He closed his eyes. "Okay. Okay we need to go upstairs, mostly because Hanna's going to end up charging down here and really kicking my ass if I don't bring you back to her. But also, I need to talk to Ezra. Maybe if we call the University we can figure out who he was. I'm sure they keep class records somewhere."

She kicked at the grass. "I'm scared, Toby." She had the sense that Justin was violent even then, but now it seemed so much more prominent, so much more real. Had he wait that long? Because that displayed a lot of self control, which made her terrified for what he might be capable of. She could handle what happened to herself, but if Toby or one of her friends got hurt in the process she wasn't sure that she'd be able to forgive herself.

"Hey," he dropped his voice low. Every syllable felt like a gentle caress against her skin. "I promised you this back then, and I'll promise it to you again now. He won't hurt you. _Nothing _will hurt you while I'm around."

And that's what she was worried about. She was worried that he'd get himself hurt trying to protect her. She wasn't sure that she was ready to trust him with her heart again, she wasn't sure that she'd ever be ready for that. But what she did know was that he was waiting for her to decide. He loved her as much as he always had, and she knew that he'd protect her at all costs, even himself. She didn't like that.

In the upcoming days she'd find out she had a lot more to worry about than that. She was in for the fight of her life.

He grabbed her hand. She thought about pulling away, but it felt natural... it felt right. "When we get up there pack an overnight bag, okay? I already talked to Hanna, and you're going to stay with her. It's safer, okay? We're pretty sure we got all of the bugs, but we can't be certain yet."

She nodded wordlessly. All she could do was pray that this ended soon so that she could get back to her life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Two things! I'm going to use this as a platform to tell you all to go listen to Malala's acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, I'm fangirling over a 17 year old girl right now, but she's SO INCREDIBLE and she deserved it.**

**Second, happy birthday guest reviewer! I worked all night so I could get this out kinda close for you birthday! Hope you love it!**

**Keep leaving me your theories, alright! Next chapter is almost entirely Spoby. And Spencer might possibly make a choice. Who knows? (Hint, I do.)**

**If you can pick out the small tiny Criminal Minds reference I put in here I will give you a shout out next chapter! It's tiny, but I felt like I had to throw in a little hommage to the show that gave me the inspiration for this.**

Chapter 8

-APOV

He ran his thumb along the edges of the University of Pennsylvania identification card that bore his old name... who he used to be. Justin Garcia. But that's not who he was anymore, and he'd never go back there. He'd never go back to the person that Spencer could barely look at... barely tolerate. No, he was much better now.

Even so, the thought of Spencer and that Cavanaugh kid embracing... kissing... it was barely tolerable. He needed to step up his game. He needed to get him away from her again.

If the cop wanted to get involved then he would definitely involve him.

SPOV

**February 14, 2010**

"Did you go to your class today, Spence?"

That was Toby's indirect way of asking her whether Justin bothered her. She appreciated his attempts at subtlety, but they were falling a bit short. "Nope. I emailed my professor and told him that I'm sick. Em went though, and she told me that Justin was finally back after skipping the beginning of the week."

"Did he say anything to her?" He ran his hand down her arm, lacing their fingers together.

It was cute how Toby was so protective of Emily. Although, Em did give off that vulnerable vibe. "Everything's fine, Toby. I promise I'll tell you if he does or says anything, okay?" She was lying through her teeth, but Toby didn't have to know that. And she _would _tell him if it were anything significant.

He gave her a dubious frown. "Just stay safe. Are you ready to go?"

Valentine's Day was basically the bane of her existence, but he loved it so she would indulge him. "Where are we even going?" She laughed, bringing his hand up and brushing her lips across his knuckles.

"You'll see!" Oh, he was speaking in exclamation marks. He was too adorable when he was excited.

She tilted up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She didn't even care what they were doing. She didn't care what his plans were, because she could tell that he was excited for them. He put effort into making her happy, and the fact that he cared enough to do that meant everything in the world. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he responded immediately, running a hand over her hair. "So much."

**October 3, 2014**

She awoke with a start, her unfamiliar surrounding concerning her for a long moment until she recognized Hanna's spare room. Everything came back to her at once, and if she already wasn't laying down the force of yesterday's memories would have knocked her off of her feet.

She was being following... stalked. That kind of thing wasn't supposed to happen to people like her. She was too smart, she wasn't attractive; not like Hanna or Emily were anyway. They were stunning. She was just average. Hell, she wasn't even all that nice. Why would they have picked her?

And honestly, she was feeling altogether exhausted. She didn't know how to deal with any of this.

"Spencer!" Hanna's overly cheery voice sang from the other side of the thick door. "I'm not sure if you de-clothed after lover boy tucked you into bed, but if you're naked put some clothes on." She paused. "I mean unless you want to have naked cuddle time. I always wanted a friend I could hang around naked with, if I'm being honest. It would be the bomb, and-"

"Han!" She laughed. "Get in here already." The fact that she called Toby lover boy wasn't lost on her, but she didn't know if she were ready for that yet. She loved him, but she didn't know if she could trust him not to leave her again. He thought that he was doing the right thing, but that scared her all the more. Who was to say that he wouldn't impulsively leave her to protect her again.

_He was upset. That make was obvious. She was actually unsure whether she had ever seen him so upset. "Toby, what's wrong?"_

_He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I-" he shook his head, stopping his flow of words. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned away._

_"Toby!" He was genuinely starting to worry her. She put a soft hand on his back, and was shocked when she felt it heaving with the force of his silent tears. "Toby, please. What's wrong? Let me help you."_

_"I can't do this anymore, Spencer."_

_His voice was nearly inaudible. She wasn't sure that she had heard his insubstantial whisper correctly, and if she had she didn't really know what it meant. "What are you talking about, sweetheart? What can't you do anymore?"_

_He turned to look at her with bloodshot eyes. "This," he gestured wildly between the two of them. "Us!"_

_"What?" She breathed, jumping back like he had smacked her. She was sure that his words hurt more than any blow ever could. "Why? D-did I do something wrong?"_

_His face screwed up at her words. He shook his head frantically. "No. God, no. Spence you did everything right. **Everything. **This is about me and nothing more. I- I'll always care about you, but this isn't working."_

_"I don't believe you! Tell me why you're really doing this." Because had he not just spoken those words to her she never would have believed it of him. She never would have believed he would do this to her. She loved him. She loved him with every single piece of her soul, and the thought of not being with him anymore was killing her. "Is someone making you do this? Because we can figure it out together, Toby." She reached for his hand, but he pulled it out of reach._

_"This is what I want, Spencer. No one else is making me do this. It's all me." He looked at her sadly. There was something more in his eyes, but his words hit her like a punch to the gut. All the air left her body._

_"Y-you don't w-want me?" She choked out, trying to suppress the painful sobs that were threatening to escape. If she started crying now she would never stop._

_He didn't say anything, and he looked nearly as upset as she did. He just shook his head without taking his eyes off of her._

_For a second she wasn't aware of anything. The sobs that were ripping through her throat felt like they were practically tearing her in half. She slid to the ground and huddled against the side of the building, the dampness of the grass seeping into her pants._

_Before he left he knelt down next to her and wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. His lips briefly found the top of her head. "I'm so sorry," he breathed._

_And then he was gone._

Everything about the night he left made more sense now that she had all of the information, but facts didn't make the memories sting any less.

Hanna peaked dramatically through the door, and sighed when she saw her. "I don't know if I'm disappointed or not that you're wearing clothes."

"Hanna!" She felt like she spent half her life laughing at the ridiculous things her best friend said. "Oh my God!"

She shook her head sadly. "No love or nudity for the Marin-monster."

"What are you even doing?" Spencer laughed and smacked her with a pillow as she sat down. "Why are you up at the crack of dawn?"

"Well, um- I um-"

"Toby asked you to check up on me, didn't he?" She rolled her eyes and felt both warmed and annoyed at the same time, like she always did when he treated her like she wasn't capable of taking care of herself. It was nice to have someone worry about her. It wasn't something she had really ever gotten growing up, but it was also frustrating. She didn't need to be babied.

She laughed. "No getting anything past you, Sherlock! He actually wanted me to bring you down to the station once you were awake."

"Well, tough shit. I need to get to work." She pulled herself out of the bed, stretching her back as she stood up. "Do you have anything moderately professional I can borrow?" Hanna was a little bit bigger than her, but not enough so that she couldn't make her clothes work.

"Spence... no one would blame you for taking a sick day," Hanna trailed off. "I think you've definitely earned a get out of work free card."

"I won't let this asshole mess with my life," she said simply. "You can't give in to a bully." She stood up and pulled open the closet in the room she was in, knowing Hanna kept clothes in both closets. She snagged a black skirt and a conservative blue button up top. "Can I borrow this?"

Hanna hesitated. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather watch Titanic and have naked time with me?" Her question was joking, but her tone was genuinely concerned. She loved having people in her life that worried about her, but they needed to do it from afar. She wasn't made of glass.

Instead of answering she just grabbed the clothes and took them to the bathroom to change. It only took her a few minutes to get ready, as she wasn't all that concerned about her appearance. Maybe she should go out of her way to hide the little amount of sex appeal she possessed. Maybe no one would bother her if she buttoned her shirt all the way up and didn't wear any makeup. She didn't need to feel attractive, she just wanted to feel safe.

"Han?" She ducked her head into Hanna's room, where the blonde was almost finished getting ready. "Could you drop me off at my car? Or my office? Whatever's on the way of where you're going."

She hesitated. "Are you sure-"

"Stop," she interrupted. "Stop it, Han. I'm sure. The only way this asshole wins is if I start being too afraid to live my life. I need to go to work."

She nodded. "Fine then. I can drop you off at your office, if that's alright? I have to meet a client on that side of town anyway." Hanna was annoyed with her, but she didn't care right now. She had to get back to her routine out of both stubbornness and for her sanity's sake. Because who knew what kind of dark thoughts her mind would go to if she were left all alone.

The ride to her office was short, giving her little time to mull over just how to thank Hanna for being there for her though everything. "Han-" she muttered as she pulled up in front of the building, graciously avoiding the parking garage that she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to step foot in again.

Hanna shook her head. "You don't have to say it, Spence. It's what friends are for, right? You'd do it for me."

She nodded. She absolutely would, but that didn't lessen her gratitude. "Want to get lunch?"

Hanna cracked her first smile since her teasing this morning. "Sure. I'll pick you up around noon, okay?"

She smiled in affirmation and gently shut the door behind her. As she walked into the office and up to the intern's table she kept her eyes on the ground. If she acknowledged no one, if she didn't make eye contact, she'd give no one any reason to hurt her. She'd be safe.

"Spencer?"

She jumped having not even realized that she had arrived at her area. She smiled at Bridget and slid into her seat. "Hey guys. How'd the trial go yesterday?"

Alex looked up from his papers. "We didn't get to go. Apparently there was an incident in the parking garage, and we were on lock down for a little bit. And by the time we would have been able to go it had already started."

Was the sting of guilt she felt crazy? Had she just sucked it up and stayed at work she wouldn't have stolen that excitement from her friends. "Oh, um- wow."

"Did you miss it?" Bridget asked her. "Alex and I were looking for you. You seemed upset. But we got separated, and I didn't find this loser until after the lock down was over. We just finished the briefs, and now we're waiting for the boss man to come give us another task."

"I got stuck in the parking garage," he made a face. "It was really cold and I couldn't see anything." He glanced over at Spencer. "I was going to see if your car was even still there. You like to park up high, right?"

She nodded. "Um yeah. And I must have missed it." She had had enough pity to last eight lifetimes. She didn't need it from the people she worked with too. "Sorry if I made things harder for you guys.

Bridget rolled her eyes. "You were obviously upset about something. Don't apologize when it isn't your fault, boo."

"I wonder what happened though?" Alex's eyes shifted from Spencer to Bridget and back to Spencer again. "I heard a girl got attacked."

She maintained eye contact with him for a second before dropping her gaze to the table. He seemed a little too excited about the possibility. There was no way that she could let him know it was her now.

Bridget gasped and tossed something in Alex's direction. It sounded like paper. "Even if that's what happened you don't talk about it like it's something exciting, you assface!"

"I'm sorry, okay. It's just interesting that it happened in our building is all. It's like a mystery."

She chanced a glance up at him and was put off by the sick sense of excitement on his face. Maybe she would feel excited too if she weren't personally involved, because she did enjoy a good mystery. But right now all she felt was afraid.

The door swung open with a bang, clearly indicated that someone who didn't use the door often had opened it. Anyone who came in this room often knew to be gentle, because the door wasn't as heavy as it looked. She tensed and turned around. She expected to see any of the lawyers that she worked with. Who she hadn't expected to see was Toby.

He took a long step forward and gently clasped his hand around her elbow. "We need to go, Spencer."

"To- Officer Cavanau- Toby," she stuttered, unsure of what to call him in public, "w-what-"

His eyes were full of sadness as he looked down at her. "We need to talk."

She nodded without hesitation. Because no matter what she decided to do about Toby, she knew that she trusted him implicitly. She trusted him with her life.

He helped her up and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, directing her toward the door. "It's alright," he murmured low enough that only she could hear it. "Everything's fine. I've got you."

"What's going on, Toby?"

"We-" he sighed. "We found something troubling, and we need you to come- discuss it."

She glanced back at Bridget and Alex, worried about how they would react to a uniformed police officer whisking her away. Bridget was carefully avoiding looking at them, but Alex stared back at them with some kind of unfathomable emotion in his eyes. But she couldn't worry about her co-workers probable anti-cop sentiments right now. She had to go find a way to put an end to this.

And she knew she could do it with Toby by her side.


	9. Chapter 9

**THIS CHAPTER IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER. Sorry not sorry. Okay, I'm a little sorry for the cliffy at the end. That's literally the worst cliffy I think I've ever given hahaha. Whoops. But you all know I update as fast as I can. So... yeah! REVIEW. Because I promise you the more reviews I get the faster I'll update. And not even as a bribe thing. But as a, OMG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING I HAVE TO WRITE NOW thing.**

**I love you all to the moon and back! See you next time.**

**OH, so if this chapter gets 10 reviews I'll send the person who wrote my favorite review (you know I love it when you tell me your favorite parts and give me theories) a sneak peak of the next chapter. AND IT'S A DOOZY. Obviously I can only send you a sneak peak if you're registered or leave me a tumblr username.**

Chapter 9

-APOV

He excused himself and quickly walked through the door. It was time to get down to business. As he climbed into his car he reflected on the last time Spencer actually acknowledged him for who he was.

_Growing up his dad had always told him that the Superbowl was the best day of the year. And Justin had always tried to please him, tried to act like he enjoyed football. But when it became obvious that he was uninterested it only served to escalate the older man's ire. This day just reflected what his entire life had shown him... nothing good happened on Superbowl Sunday._

_He watched as she walked away with that Cavanaugh kid's arm around her shoulders. She was so delicate, so beautiful. From the first moment he saw her in his Bio Lab he knew that they were destined for each other. And when she turned and met his eyes he knew that she felt the same way. She was just scared and confused. He could practically see her begging him for help._

_And he would. He would save her and pave the way for them to be together. First he had to get rid of Cavanaugh._

He had to smile at how far he had come. He had gone from the scrawny nerd to someone that was actually deserving of her.

There had been enough planning. It was time.

SPOV

**Present Day: October 3, 2014**

As soon as they were alone she wilted against Toby, allowing him to take on her weight. She was so glad that he had been called in to take her case, because she didn't know how she would be able to get through this alone.

But in her heart of hearts she knew that she had to stop leaning on him. She had to stop giving him false hope when she had yet to decide. She knew that he still loved her, and that he would stay by her side indefinitely. But she still didn't know if she could trust him with her heart again, and it wasn't fair to give him false hope.

"I know it's hard," he murmured into her hair. "I know it is, but we have to get to the station, okay?"

The harsh vibration of her phone against her hip distracted her from any response. She flinched into him. "I'm afraid to check that."

"Do you want me to look at it?"

She nodded and slid her phone out of her pocket and into his hand without looking up. She head him tap to open up the text. "Okay, are you ready to go?"

"Wait," she pulled away. "What did it say?"

"You don't need to read that, Spence." He held the phone out to her but tightened his grip on it as she grabbed it. "Just- it's nothing you need to see."

She rolled her eyes. Just a second ago she was asking him to read her texts, but as soon as he actually tried to protect her she bristled. She pulled the phone out of his halfhearted grip and read the words he was trying to keep from her.

_'You might be cavalier with your own well-being, but you're going to care what I do to him. Better watch out, 'cause here I come.'_

Her face paled. She didn't necessarily welcome another attack, but if it were between herself and Toby she would offer herself up every single time. She pulled herself out of his arms and kept her eyes on the ground.

"Spencer."

His hands reached for her, but as soon as she felt his fingers against her skin she pulled away. She wouldn't let him get hurt because of her. She turned walked out to the street, knowing that Toby would follow her. And he did. She could hear his footsteps following after her.

Always the gentleman, Toby reached around her and held the door open for her. She couldn't look at him or else she would have thanked him. He didn't have to do things like hold her door open for her, but it meant the world to her that he did it. She had gone her whole like without someone looking out for her like Toby did, and the feeling of someone putting her own needs above theirs was the things she liked best about having Toby back in her life. But God, she couldn't let him get hurt.

Because she was so lost in her thoughts she didn't notice that they were heading in the wrong direction immediately. "Toby, where..." she trailed off as she realized exactly where they were heading. She hadn't been up there in three years, but it still held a special place in her heart. But she didn't get why they were going there.

It wasn't until they passed the Scenic Philadelphia Overlook sign that he glanced at her. "We need to talk, and I couldn't think of a better place to do it."

She didn't want to talk about them. She wanted to find a way to end this, because she needed to keep Toby safe. She needed to make sure that he was okay. "Toby, maybe-"

He shook his head and grabbed her head before she could pull it away. "No. Please, Spence. I'll tell you everything you want to know about the investigation, but we need to talk about us too."

"Toby-"

"_Please,_" he implored, bringing the back of her hand to his lips. "Please, Spencer."

She just nodded. Her throat felt tight from the tears she was fighting to keep at bay.

He blinked his eyes shut, nodding to himself. "Okay. Okay, listen to me. I know you're worried about me leaving again, but you don't have to be. You don't have to be, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere. I only left the first time because I thought I was keeping you safe, and-"

"That's my exact problem, Toby," she whispered. "You're impulsive, and you don't think things through. Instead of talking to me about it you took all the choice away from me and decided that you knew best. And I just- I want to be with you more than anything. I love you so much that it hurts. But I don't know if I can trust you with my heart again. I couldn't survive you leaving me again. I just barely made it through it this time."

There was a long pause. "I can't justify what I did. I don't think that I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what I did to you. But you have to know that I had the best intentions. I just- God, I didn't want you to get hurt, Spence. I know you'll never admit it, but you want your family's acceptance. And that was never going to happen with me in your life. I know that it's your dream to be a lawyer, to help people in need... but if your parents stopped paying your tuition you'd never be able to get there. I wanted you to have everything that you ever wanted."

"All I needed was _you. _I could have lost everything in the world and been fine as long as you were there." How did he not see that? How could he not know?

When he didn't speak she chanced a glance up at him, and when she saw the tears streaming down his face she knew that things were different. Because regardless of what he had done, regardless of what he might do in the future, she _loved _him. She loved him more than anything in the world. And that **was **enough, and it always would be. She reached out and brushed his tears away from his cheeks. "Toby," she breathed.**  
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He shifted his gaze to her. "Spence, I-"

"Shhh," she shook her head and leaned up, pressing her lips to his. "Shh, I believe you. Just- just, you can't ever leave me again."

He shook his head, his nose brushing against hers and his tears intermixing with her own. "Never. You'll never lose me."

"Okay," she whispered, her lips ghosting above his own. "I just- Okay."

He leaned his forehead into hers. "What are you saying?"

She closed her eyes, hoping that she wasn't making a mistake. "Was there ever really a choice?" She laughed softly. "I love you so much, Toby. And I don't think that I can live without you. Especially now that I know that I don't have to."

Without another word he ducked down and met her lips in a passionate kiss. One of his hands found the back of her neck, and the other rested on the small of her back. Her hands tangled up in hair as she pressed her hips forward, quickly eradicating any space that separated the two of them. It had been to long since they had done this last. Too many years had been stolen from them. But what mattered now was that they were together again, and nothing in the world would separate them now if she had anything say about it. But...

She reluctantly pulled her lips away from Toby's. He groaned in protest as his lips found their way to her neck. "Toby," she murmured. "I want to be with you, but-"

"No buts-" he mumbled, barely taking his lips off her skin.

She groaned, pressing her cheek against the side of his head. "I can't let you get hurt."

He pulled away and carefully framed her face with his hands. His fingers brushed the stray strands of hair out of her face as he waited for her to meet his eyes. "I can take care of myself."

"No you can't." She put her hands over top of his. "Not when you don't know who you're fighting."

"Speaking of that," he sighed and gently laced their fingers together, effectively changing the subject. "I need to talk to you about something."

She just looked at him, knowing that he would continue when he was ready. The worry she picked out deep in the blue of his eyes was troublesome. Toby always seemed like a rock to her. Like an unshakable force. She knew that it was untrue and unfair to put that on him, but she felt it all the same. If this was troubling him to a tangible degree than it was time to be afraid.

"I promise you I'll keep you safe, Spencer. Don't worry about that, okay? But today-" he hesitated, brushed the back of his hand across her cheekbone. "today Ezra and I went to UPenn to search through the class archives. There wasn't a mention of a Justin in your Bio Lab so we went and talked to the professor."

"What did he say, Toby?" A sense of dread was settling deep in her stomach.

Toby closed his eyes. "He said that Justin was a troubled young man who attended his church. Justin begged him to allow him into one of his classes, used some sob story about how he taking care of a sick mother. And because of that his grades weren't good enough to qualify for the professor's classes, but that he still wanted the experience."

That particular excuse must have been hard for Toby to hear. She squeezed his fingers, encouraging him to continue. "What are you saying?"

He looked pained. "I'm saying there was no record of a Justin in your class, and there's literally no way for us to get a better ID on him. I have an analyst working with the identification cards and other identifiers I could remember about him, but there were 560 Justins attending UPenn while we were there. It's going to take time we don't have, judging by that text."

"Let's get back then," she said in a small voice. "Maybe we can help."

He nodded, and as he drove them through the familiar streets she couldn't help but be transported to a happier time.

_Philosophy was her least favorite class. She was smart, but her current B+ was just showing the world that she's wasn't a philosophy person. She slung her heavy backpack over her shoulder and left the hell-ish study session among the hoard of exhausted college students. Finales week was the biggest buzz kill._

_Her bad mood, however, only lasted to the door. Because when she saw him leaning against the wall she had no reason to be upset. He was back and that was all that mattered. Uncontrollable laughter spilled from her lips as she dodged her classmates and threw herself into his arms._

_He caught her easily, rewarding her with laughter of his own. "I missed you."_

_"I miss you too," she mumbled into his chest, her fingers bunching in the fabric of his shirt. "But you're back early!" The carpentry job he had taken during dead week was supposed to have lasted through the weekend._

_"I might have cut out early," he explained, dodging her smack with a laugh. "I missed you! It wasn't worth it anymore."_

_"You're an idiot!" But she couldn't dull her smile and she leaned up to kiss him. "Can we get out of here?"_

_He smiled, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Where do you want to go?"_

_"Oh I have a few ideas."_

Her phone rang as they pulled up to the station, and for a second she was afraid that it was Justin. But the number that flashed across the screen was Hanna's. She remembered with a start that she was supposed to have met Hanna for lunch. "Shit, I've got to take this. I'll meet you inside, okay?"

Toby shot her a dubious frown. "I don't know..."

"We're in front of a police station, Toby. What's going to happen?" She rolled her eyes and slid out of the truck. She put her feet on the sidewalk and leaned against the chilled body of the vehicle as she answered the call. "Han, I'm so sorry. Something came up."

_"What are you talking about? Are you alright?"_

"If you're not in here in five minutes I'm coming back out for you," he muttered. His soft footsteps told her that he actually listened to her for once.

She smiled as she answered Hanna. "No, it's actually good for once. You can-"

But her words were stolen from her throat at the sound of screeching tires and a pained shout. She whipped around just in time to see Toby's body roll over a black car and land with a thump on the street. The car just kept driving, a stark contrast to the stillness of his body. The screams that ripped through the afternoon were her own. Her feet carried her as fast as she could move in the direction of his body, but it wasn't fast enough.

"_Toby!_"


	10. Chapter 10

**FYI this is short and the cliffy in this one is arguably worse than last chapter. SORRY NOT SORRY. Yell at me because that was literally my favorite set of reviews I've ever gotten hahaha.**

**Okay, so I didn't get 10 reviews, but Kristhefangirl, I've got to give you a shout out for that AMAAAAAAAAZING review. You're literally the best ever.**

**I don't care how many reviews I get. I'm going for a run right now, and I will pick someone out of whatever reviews I get by the time I get back to send a sneak peak of the next chapter to. AND IT'S A GOOD ONE. I'll be gone about an hour and a half/two hours.**

**REVIEW! Leave me your theories okay! When you get to the end... tell me what you think's going to happen with that! LOVE YOU.**

Chapter 10

APOV

He watched the body drop limply to the ground with a satisfied smirk. Everything was going to plan. Now no one or anything would stand in his way.

It was time.

SPOV

She sat by his bedside, never taking her vigilant eyes off of his still face. Terror radiated from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, and it had only increased since they got here. No one would tell her anything, whether he'd be okay... whether this was her fault.

But really, there was no denying it. It was all her fault. If she weren't so stupid, so s_elfish, _he never would have been put in this position to begin with.

_Run. Run. **Run.**_

_But there was no going fast enough. There was no way she could reach him before his body hit the ground. The sound was worse than the sight, if she were being honest. The dull thunk of his skin smacking against the pavement was going to haunt her nightmares._

_"Toby!"_

_She felt like she was screaming, but really her voice was nothing more than an insubstantial whisper. "Toby, please." She dropped to her knees next to his body, barely wincing as the asphalt ripped open the delicate skin of her knees. "Toby!"_

_But he wasn't moving. She could hear voices around them, but she never once took her full attention from his face. She owed him that much. Someone would hurt him again over her dead body. Her phone vibrated in her back pocket, confirming her worst fears._

The text was all she could see when she closed her eyes.

_'I did it for us. We'll be together soon. -A'_

But she wasn't worried about herself. She would figure out her next move in time. Right now it was all about him.

The doctors said that he would be fine, that it wasn't anything more than some bruises, a broken arm, and a mild concussion. What they had _actually _said was that he was **lucky **that it wasn't worse. **_Lucky? _**What about this whole situation signified any kind of luck?

Guilt was her dominate emotion right now, because God, she needed him. She needed him like she needed the air she breathed; she could see that now. But what she could also see that his life would be so much better without her... safer...

And she needed him to be safe more than she needed to be happy. Maybe she should-

"Stop."

His garbled groan had her immediate attention. "Toby?" She breathed, her trembling fingers tracing soft patterns on his face. "You're okay?"

He didn't answer her. He put a hand over the top of hers. "Stop with the guilt, Spencer. It wasn't your fault."

She snorted. There was no use trying to convince her otherwise. It was all her fault. "Are you okay? Maybe- maybe I should go let someone know you're awake."

But when she pulled her hand away Toby's fingers wrapped around her wrist. "No. Hold on a second. Are _you _okay? Did anything happen after I got hit?"

All she could do was laugh. He was just an idiot. Right now he should be focused on himself, asking questions about his condition... yelling at her for allowing this to happen to him... but instead he was worried about her. He was always worried about her. "I'm fine. But really Toby, I'm going to go get a nurse, okay?"

He gave her a long stare before nodding reluctantly. "Be safe and hurry back."

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I love you," she admitted for the first time since they were back together. She had told him that she loved him, but she didn't say it as a declaration. It was a small but significant distinction.

A small smile appeared on his face. "I love you too."

She kept her eyes on him for a second before turning and walking out the door, heading toward the nurse's station. "Excuse me?" She got the attention of an older nurse behind a laptop. "My um- my b-boyfriend just woke up, and I think someone should go check on him."

The woman nodded distractedly. "I'll head that way in a moment, dear."

She nodded her thanks and took off toward the waiting room. Maybe she could get a cup of coffee for the both of them. Coffee would help cause her frazzled nerves. And maybe it could do something to dilute the guilt that weighed heavy in the bottom of her stomach.

"Spencer?"

She jumped at the sound of her voice and turned around. "Alex? What are you doing here?"

He had a funny look on his face, some kind of unfathomable emotion that she couldn't quite catch. "My grandpa had a heart attack. You?"

"My boyfriend was in a car accident." Saying the word was easier this time around.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He eyed the wallet in her hand. "Do you think that I could maybe borrow a dollar? I rushed here and forgot my money at home."

"Yeah, of course." She was distracted and focused on Toby, but not so much so that she couldn't pick up a snack for a friend. "Where's the vending machine? I only have my debit card, but most of them take that now, right?"

He nodded and gestured for her to follow him. "Sorry about this. I'm just really craving some Combos."

"I feel your pain," she laughed softly. "I just came out here to get some coffee. I'm exhausted, but I don't want him to see it because he'll feel bad or make me leave. Neither one is particularly appealing."

The vending machine was at the end of a semi-dark hallway. If they weren't in a hospital she'd find it kind of creepy. "Combos, you said?" She clarified as she ran her card through the reader.

"Yep! I love those little pretzel-y bites of delicious," he laughed sounding for all the world like Hanna.

"You sound like my friend." She smiled and made the purchase.

"What the hell is a feeding room!?" Alex's amused voice asked her. "I'm looking!"

"Alex!" She laughed. She wasn't feeling all that happy, but she genuinely couldn't help it. He was an idiot. "That's where women breast feed their kids!"

"Oh, so boobs? Even better!" He pulled the door open and slid inside.

"Alex," she hissed, following after him. She felt momentarily relieved at the darkness of the room. That meant that no one would have their privacy violated by her idiot friend. "Come on, where are you?"

She fumbled along the wall for a light switch. "What the hell, Alex? Where'd you go?"

And before she even knew what happened a large arm wrapped around her waist and the other covered her mouth. The position, the arms were far too familiar. Alex? _**Alex? ** _Her goofy lawyer friend was the one stalking her? He was the one who hurt her?

The hand against her mouth was pressing down so hard she couldn't breath. Frantic nails dug into his hand, trying, at the very least, to get him to loosen his grip to the point that she could breath. When the hand left her face she doubled over, putting all of her dead weight on the arm still holding her. Partially she wanted him to drop her, but mostly she didn't even know what she was doing due to her ragged breathing.

But before she could gather up enough air to scream the hand was back, this time with a rag soaked in something sweet smelling. At first nothing happened, but slowly her body went numb, starting at the tips of her fingers and working its way through her entire body. She sagged into him, quickly becoming unable to support her own weight. The arms tightened as she went completely limp and her eyes began to roll into the back of her head. She couldn't see much, but she knew that if she could her vision would be going hazy.

"I told you," his voice whispered into her hair. His lips brushed against her neck. "I told you that we'd be together forever."

He slid her to the ground and leaned her against the wall, the rag still pressed securely against her mouth. Suddenly his hands were gone, but she couldn't move. Hell, she couldn't even see. His rough hands took her small wrists and bound them together. "Sorry about this, love. But you don't trust me yet, and while you don't trust me you're a flight risk. Now that I have you I can't risk losing you."

The last thing she was aware of before losing consciousness was his throwing her over his shoulder. Her head bounced lifelessly against his spine as he moved her somewhere.


	11. Chapter 11

**Since I got FIFTEEN FREAKING REVIEWS in a TWELVE HOUR PERIOD I thought you guys deserved this.**

**You get a little look into Alex's sick and twisty mind, and you get Toby's reaction when he realizes Spencer's missing. You'll have to wait until next time for more details though!**

**Alex is dark. And he's sick. And I feel like I have to warn you guys about that before hand, okay? He's nuts. But he also loves her, and it's just really effed up. Advance warning if you're sensitive to stuff like that.**

Chapter 11

Alex's POV

He gently laid Spencer out on the bed and lifted her head to nudge a pillow beneath her neck. Observing her had been his life for so long, and even so, he couldn't ever remember a time where she looked more beautiful. And he knew that it was because she was finally his. Having her in front of him, completely helpless to his will, was giving him the biggest rush he had ever experienced. He could finally do whatever he wanted to do to her. He finally had her.

He smiled softly as he remembered the first time he ever saw her, the first time he knew she had to be his.

_His side still ached from the kicks his father had aimed at his ribs. All he wanted was to feel loved; hell, he'd even settle for accepted. But no. All he got was the shit beaten out of him for leaving a dirty dish in the sink._

_It was time to get out of the house. He had to escape, because there was no living like that. He couldn't do it anymore. Before his mom died she would sometimes bring him to the park to feed the ducks when he was sad, and that's where he was now. He sat down on a bench and stared out at the gently rippling water, a tear clinging to his eyelashes. What had he ever done to deserve this?_

_"Hey? Are you okay?" A breathless feminine voice asked from behind his bench._

_He turned to assure the stranger that he was fine, but he had to do a double take as his eyes were met with the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She had clearly been jogging. Her torso was covered by a UPenn tshirt that was much too large for her, and her shorts revealed miles of long, lean legs. But it wasn't her clothes that appealed to him. It was her long, silky brown hair that reminded him so much of his mother's. It was the expressive brown eyes that looked like they were truly concerned with his well-being. She was stunning._

_His breath caught in his throat, and all that he could do was nod wordlessly._

_"Are you sure? I just mean- well, you look really upset."_

_How was it that this girl who never met him cared more about him than anyone else in his life? Part of him wanted to say no. Maybe she would stay and talk to him. But he couldn't speak. He just looked at her._

_"Well, um- okay..." she trailed off uncertainly. "I'm going to get going, but cheer up, okay? Things get better."_

_He watched her go, her brown hair bouncing as she ran. He kept his eyes on her until she was out of sight. __He wanted to know her, to touch her, to talk to her... he had to know more. He had to find her again._

He brushed her sweaty hair from her face and bent down to press a soft kiss to her forehead. His lips stretched out into a happy smile as he thought about the pure genius it had taken to get her out of the hospital. She was small enough to fit on the child size stretcher he came across in the feeding room, so he simply wheeled her out and into the trunk. of his car. It was genius.

Carefully he untied her wrists. He frowned at the raw, red marks on her soft, delicate skin. He didn't **want **to hurt her, but he would if he had too. Sometimes pain was necessary. It trained you to remember just how wrong you were. And if she were wrong he'd have to teach her. That's what his dad always did. He took her right wrist and weighed it in his hand, smiling at how small and delicate it was. It felt like nothing more than a wispy bird skeleton. He could wrap two fingers around it and still overlap a lot.

He yanked the wrist up as high as it would reach and tightly bound it to the headboard. If it rubbed a little skin off he could deal with it later. Right now he needed to ensure that there was no escape for her. He picked up her other wrist and squeezed it tightly for a long moment. He loosened his grip and smiled, satisfied at the large bruises that blossomed on her porcelain skin. He wouldn't hurt her again unless she forced his hand, but the fact that he could if he wanted to sent an excited feeling shooting through his whole body. She was here. She was finally here.

TPOV

He had screwed so much over the past few years, but he had finally fixed a few things. He had Spencer back, and he would be there for as long as she wanted him. There was nothing he couldn't do without her by his side, and he truly meant that. She gave him courage. She always had.

_He looked up at the house that had seen the worst moments of his adolescence. His mother's death, his father's indifference, Jenna's reign of terror... But honestly, it had also seen some of his best. A defining moment in his life had been the day that Spencer had volunteered to tutor him. The smart, pretty, rich girl had nothing to gain from spending time with the school loser, yet somehow that hadn't bothered her. What people thought of her had never bothered his girlfriend. She just walked through life with this insane level of confidence. Either you liked her or you didn't but she was going to do what she knew was right._

_And if she hadn't been by his side right now he knew that he never would have had the courage to do this. Her hand tightened around his own. "Are you sure this is what you want to do? It's okay if you don't. Or if you aren't ready yet we can come back."_

_He loved her unending support, but this was something he had to do. And he had to do it now. "I'm ready. I'm just- I'm nervous. I haven't seen him since I left for college."_

_"All the better then. Show him how successful you are. Show him that you didn't need him to be this incredible person. Because you are, baby." She let go of his hand and brought both of hers up to frame his face. "You've never seen yourself clearly, but I swear to you that you're the most incredible person I've ever met. And you did that on your own. That's something to be proud of."_

_He ducked down, unable to stop himself from grazing his lips over hers. "I love you so much, Spence. Seriously, I couldn't do this without you."_

_She rolled her eyes and her lips tugged into a smirk. "I love you too."_

Sometimes, in his worst moments, he remembered her face when he told her that they were over. The pain... the tears... the sheer brokeness... When he was at his worst he remembered what he did to the best person he knew and in his heart of hearts he knew that he deserved it. He deserved nothing but the worst because he broke someone as internally and externally beautiful as Spencer Hastings.

But now that they were back together he didn't know what to think. He had acted impulsively, that much was for certain. He shouldn't have done it, and it was clear that he didn't deserve her. But now that she had forgiven him maybe he could start to forgive himself.

An elderly nurse walked into his room, effectively interrupting his internal monologue. "Hello, Mr. Cavanaugh. Your very concerned girlfriend requested I come in and check up on you."

He couldn't stop his smile. Spencer worrying about him wasn't usually a cause for joy, but right now he couldn't stop himself for being thrilled that she wanted anything to do with him at all, let alone be his girlfriend again.

As the nurse was checking his vitals a familiar raven-haired girl walked into his hospital room closely followed by Caleb and Hanna. He was happy to see Caleb and Hanna, but he hadn't seen Emily since he left Spencer. As if losing the love of his life wasn't enough, he also lost three of his best friends at the same time. But here they were.

"Em!" He smiled and held an arm out for her.

She hugged him carefully and ruffled his hair as she pulled away. "I was wondering when you'd come to your senses. You guys belong together."

He smiled. "I always knew that. There was just so many other things."

"Where is she, by the way?" Caleb laughed. "I didn't think we'd be able to even peel her from your side, dude."

And it wasn't until right then, right at that moment, that he realized something had to be wrong. She wouldn't have left him for this long by choice. "Fuck. God damn it."

"What is it?" Emily stood up and looked down at him in concern.

He took a slow, deep breath to try to reign in his emotions. He was failing, but he had to try. "I think she's in trouble. I wouldn't have been able to force her to leave for anything in the world, but she's been gone for at least twenty minutes. She said she was getting a nurse and she'd be right back."

"Okay, just breath," Hanna said softly. She knew the fears that he must have been having. "Just breath. She might have just gone to get a coffee. Em and I will go check, okay? We'll check the bathrooms too."

He nodded wordlessly. But if they didn't find her there wasn't a thing in the world that could keep in in this hospital room. He promised her that he'd protect her. He promised that he wouldn't let anyone hurt her again. And now that might have just happened beneath his nose. His stomach ached painfully, and he didn't know what to do. He became a cop so he could stop things like this from happening in the world, but now he was powerless to help the one person in the world that he would willingly give up everything for.

Because he just knew, he **knew, **that Hanna and Emily wouldn't find Spencer. He knew what had happened, and the more he thought about it the more he hated himself. He never should have let her go off on her own.

"Toby, man, calm down. They'll find her. Everything's fine."

He looked desperately up at Caleb. He wished he could believe him. He wished he knew for certain that Spencer was safe, but he was fairly confident of the exact opposite. He shook his head. "They won't. He got her. He got her right under my fucking nose."

"Who did?"

It was hard to remember that it had only been a day and a half since he rescued Spencer from that car. It had only been a day and a half since the maniac had touched her for the first time, since he swore to her that he'd protect her. Hanna knew because she came to Spencer's apartment right after. But he supposed that she hadn't had time to tell anyone else. "You were right," he said as he studied the pattern on the outdated curtains. "Someone has been stalking her for months. She played it like it was nothing, but it was. The bastard hit me with a car, and now he has Spencer. And I just can't- I can't-"

His rant was interrupted by the return of Hanna and Emily. And from the looks on their faces he knew, he just fucking knew. Before they could even speak he looked down at the IV in his arm and gently pulled it out, immediately using the sheet to put pressure on the spot. He felt light headed for a second, but it quickly passed. "Caleb, hand me my shoes." He accepted the shoes and turned to the girls. "What did you find?"

"We were about to give up," Hanna explained softly. "But Emily suggested calling her phone. So we tried it and we found it in some room down a shady hallway. Things were a bit mussed around, like there was a struggle. And-" she glanced at Emily before continuing. "She has a text from an anonymous number."

He snatched the phone from Hanna's hand.

_'She's mine now. -A'_

He was going to be sick.


	12. Chapter 12

**Guys, this is disturbing. Fair warning, okay? It's much more disturbing than I was anticipating, so I think I'm going to change the rating of this to M. But my brain just did this. I don't even know. I meant for it to be more suggestive and less detailed, but I couldn't help it. Next chapter is from Toby and Spencer's POV. Like half and half.**

**Sidenote, Spencer Salvawhore, yes I did mean for this to be Alex from the show. Who IS an adorable floppy little puppy, but who I also could see as totally being able to pull off psycho. And I didn't do Wren because it was too obvious.**

**Second sidenote, you guys are the best and it's really adorable how frantic you all got after two days with no update haha. I have a second story I'm actively writing called A Colorless Sunrise. It's a prequel to my other story Let's Go Back to the Start. And it's kind of sad but really good so you should go read it.**

**OKAY, Enjoy.**

Chapter 12

SPOV

The first thing she was aware of was the intense pain radiating through her head. It was like a fault line was cracking down the center of her skull. Pain traveled throughout her entire body, from her fingers to her toes.

She groaned, blinking eyes open. The unfamiliar surroundings were causing her undue anxiety. Where was she? She pulled on her arm and gasped in pain. She blinked her weary eyes a few times, trying to clear up her vision.

"You're finally awake."

Goosebumps erupted along her exposed skin. At the sound of his voice everything came rushing back to her. Cold hands clamped down on her immobile arm causing her to flinch away.

"No." One of his hands tightened painfully on her arm and the other roughly jerked her head up, forcing her to make eye contact with the cool, emotionless brown.

"Alex-" she whispered.

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up." His hand ground her shoulder into the mattress. "Listen to me. You aren't going to be afraid of me. You aren't going to defy me, and you certainly aren't going to try to run away."

He looked crazy, and that was truly terrifying her. How was she supposed to get out of this? "Alex," she whispered. "Please."

His fist whipped out like lightning, landing a harsh blow to her cheekbone. She cried out and closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath. Her cheek throbbed, and when she opened her eyes again she found that she couldn't open her right eye all the way.

"Are you done now? Are you ready to listen?" He tilted her face up again, forcing her to look into his eyes.

She nodded shakily, always having been a fast learner. Reasoning wouldn't work. She'd have to think of another way to get out of this or to contact Toby. Even the thought of Toby's name caused her heart to ache. What had he thought when she never came back? Was he worried or did he think that she had changed her mind?

It was like his entire demeanor changed. His grip loosened, and his fingers lightly brushed down her arm. A smile appeared on his tensed face. "Great. Now, are you hungry?" He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

A single tear squeezed out the corner of her swollen eye and trailed down her cheek as she nodded wordlessly. He brushed the tear away with his thumb. "I'll be right back."

As soon as he was gone she looked at her wrist. The zip ties that were binding her wrists the the wooden posts of the headboard were digging into her raw skin causing painful welts to rise up. There were bruises all along her left wrist for some reason. If she had one hand free she might have been able to get lose, but there was no way she'd be able to get away this way. She tugged at her right hand and immediately regretted it as a blinding pain shot through her arm. That wasn't going to work.

She closed her eyes again, and leaned back defeated. She needed to try and focus on something else; anything to push back the fear.

_She leaned back against the pillows, exhausted from her latest coughing fit. Her chest hurt, her head ached, her throat was sore, and she couldn't stop sneezing for anything in the world. She was probably dying. It was bad enough that she had been forced to cancel a date with Toby, but now she felt too achy to even move to grab the remote. She was sure that some mindless game show was on at this hour._

_"Spence?"_

_She should probably have been concerned at the unexpected voice in her apartment, but not when it was that voice. "Toby? What are you doing here? I'm going to get you sick."_

_He dropped a handful of grocery bags at her door and perched on the edge of her bed. He ignored her question, swiping a cool hand across her forehead. "Oh baby, you're really warm. Do you need anything?"_

_"Toby," she whined, halfheartedly pushing him away. "I don't want you to get sick."_

_"I think I can handle it." He smiled and dropped a kiss to her clammy forehead. "You don't need to feel miserable alone."_

_She rolled her eyes and smiled. Mostly she really wanted to kiss him, but she wasn't kidding at her reluctance to pass on her germs. "I think I love you, you idiot. What's in the bags."_

_"You know, idiot's not really a term of endearment." He laughed and squeezed her hand before getting up. "I brought some supplies." He tossed everything onto the bed, naming it as he went along. "Dayquil, hand sanitizer, tissues, Fruit Punch Vitamin Water, the Scrabble game you left at my apartment, the first three seasons of Game of Thrones, a pair of giant orange sunglasses, a curly green wig, and a heating pad."_

_"Wait, hold up. Why the sunglasses and the wig?" She laughed, and pulled herself up to a sitting position._

_He chuckled and unfolded the glasses, placing them on her nose. "You never know when you'll need a disguise." He bent down and kissed her lips, not halting despite her halfhearted protests. "And if it wasn't obvious, I love you too, Spencer."_

"Okay, so I wasn't sure what you'd want. I just made a peanut butter sandwich. Is that okay?" Alex actually looked nervous as he sat down next to her. He put his hand on her neck.

She just looked at him for a long second, the hopeful nervous expression was so different from the vindictive, smile he wore just a moment ago. There was something genuinely wrong with him. Not wanted to spark another bout of the ire she nodded wordlessly. "My- my wrists hurt a lot."

He frown and looked over at them. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I just don't know how else to keep you here."

"I won't go. I promise I won't t-try anything." She hated herself for sounding scared, but she wasn't going to be able to think clearly until she wasn't in pain anymore.

Alex looked down at her with inexplicable pain in his eyes. "I don't want you hurting, but I just don't trust you yet. Eat your sandwich, okay? We'll figure the rest out after." He ripped off a small piece and lightly pressed it to her lips.

For a long second she considered not eating it, but she didn't want to bring angry Alex back. Pushing thoughts of poison and drugs from her mind she took the piece into her mouth and chewed it slowly. She didn't taste anything but the blood from where her teeth dug into her cheek. She didn't want anymore, but he was already pushing another bite to her lips. And they continued like that until the sandwich was gone.

Alex took a chunk of her hair into his hand and played with it, swirling the unkempt curls through his fingers again and again. "You don't recognize me, do you?"

It was hard to push the words through her constricted throat. It was even harder to keep the hysterical tears at bay. "What are you talking about?"

"You've only called me Alex. You don't get it, do you?" He put his other hand on her waist and lightly walked his fingers up her stomach, stopping by her belly button.

She wished she could kick him... hit him... hell, she wished she could scratch his eyes out. Because now she was angry. She was pissed. He shouldn't be touching her like this, not without her permission. "What are you _talking _about?" She repeated harshly. "That's your name, isn't it?"

His hand tightened in her hair, tugging slightly in warning. It didn't really lessen her anger, but brought some sense back to her. His gave turned more annoyed than contemplative. "I would have thought you would have figured it out already. Alexander is my middle name. I changed my last name to Santiago once I got accepted to law school, but it holds similarities to my old surname."

"I don't-" she began, but she stopped herself as she caught a glimpse of something familiar about his hair. It was neater... less of a mop onto of his head. And his eyes, they were the same color. "J-justin?"

A truly terrifying smile stretched across his face. "And now she finally gets it. After your Neanderthal boyfriend laid into me at that party I knew I had to change tactics. First thing I had to do was get your away from each other."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You sent that letter, didn't you?"

"I should have done it sooner." He inched his hand on her stomach a bit higher. His other hand ran down her face like he was petting a dog. "And now I have you here with me. Finally."

"I wasn't yours for the taking, Alex- Justin- Whatever the hell I'm supposed to call you. I'm not some toy you saw on the playground!" She struggled to sit up, but his hand was on her throat before she even scooted an inch.

"My dad always told me that when he hurt me it was for my own good; that he was teaching me how to behave. And now I'm going to do the same thing for you. It's because I love you, Spencer." He tightened his grip around her neck, effectively cutting off her air. "I loved you from the first second I saw you."

Her face felt tight, and it sounded like water was rushing through her ears. His hands tightened slightly, but she could see the remorse in his eyes. She couldn't breathe, but she also couldn't turn her brain off. Someone doesn't just get like this on their own. Alex was taught to behave this way. "I know you don't remember it, but the day you ran past me in the park. Your hair bounced so beautifully, and your skin was tinged pink from the air. You looked at me with concern in your eyes like- like my mom, and I knew then. I knew that we were meant to be together. I know you're scared and confused, but don't worry. I'll help you see the way I do. I love you Spencer."

He released her throat and slowly petted the side of her face through her hacking coughs and her breathless gasps for air. "I love you," he murmured. He pulled a pocket knife from his back pocket and held it to her wrist. For a second she thought he was going to cut her. "If I take these off do you swear to me that you won't run away? We're in the middle of no where, so I'll find you before you find anyone else. But even still, I don't want to waste the time."

She coughed painfully. "I promise," she rasped. She was lying. She would take off running the moment she had a chance, but this little incident showed her that defiance wasn't worth it. She had to play along until an opportunity presented itself. Then she would run like hell.

He looked at her for a moment before nodding reluctantly. "Okay." He slid the knife between the zip tie and her wrist and carefully sawed it off of each of her wrists. The stinging sensation only increased as the pressure from the zip ties disappeared. Before she could even think things through he gathered her up and pulled her body into his arms. "I have something to show you."

"Okay," she whispered. She didn't want too, but her legs felt like jello and her head was spinning, so she leaned heavily on Alex.

He seemed to enjoy it, which made her all the more disgusted. What was it about her that appealed to him? Could she change it? Could she turn his attraction off?

He led her into the closet in the bedroom and flipped on the light. On every inch of every wall pictures of her were plastered. In some she was alone. In other she was with Toby or Hanna or Emily. She looked happy in some, and sad in others. There were a drastic difference in the years, showing that they had been collected over a long period of time.

Her stomach twisted, and before she could stop herself she lunged out of Alex's arms and collapsed into a heap on the ground, emptying the contents of her stomach into the wicker trashcan by the door. His had was almost immediately on her back, turning her to look at him. Before she even knew what was happening his lips were on hers, pulling her in for a rough and sloppy kiss. His fingers wound through her hair, holding her head against him. She just sat there. If she pulled away he'd hit her. If she fought him he'd hit her. This seemed like the safest course of action.

When he was done he pulled her back to her feet. "Want to watch a movie?"


	13. Chapter 13

**Again... mucho intenso. But the end is good. Next chapter is dual POV again. Reviews get it faster :)**

**Yes, I realize changing this to M might get me less readers, but I think that it was the right move. This is pretty intense and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.**

Chapter 13

SPOV

She cringed as Alex's fingers danced along the hem of her skirt. He hadn't tried anything yet, but she knew that, judging by the way he was touching her, it was only a matter of time. Some random movie played across the television screen, but she couldn't focus on anything. She was completely helpless right now, and she wasn't okay with that. She had to figure out a way to get out of this.

She brought trembling fingers up to her swollen eye, hissing softly at the contact. It hurt more than she cared to admit, and she was kind of frightened that he might have fractured her cheekbone.

Alex's hand found her chin and tilted her face upward, planting another unwanted kiss on her. "What's on your mind, love?" His finger traced over her lips as he waited for her answer.

"My eye hurts," she mumbled. She couldn't pull away from him, but she tried to divert her one good eye.

He leaned in and kissed the edge of the bruise. "Come on. Let's go get you some ice."

"I- Do I have to come?" She wasn't sure how well she was going to be able to walk. Whatever he had given her to knock her out combined with the physical injuries she had sustained since being Alex's captive were physically affecting her more than she could or would admit.

"Yes. Unless you want me to tie you up again. I can't risk losing you now that I've got you." He grabbed her upper arm and pulled her up, dragging her off to the kitchen.

She turned and looked at the door, a plan slowly formulating in her mind All she had to do was get far enough away to contact Toby and he would come for her. Of that she was absolutely certain.

His hands were gentle as he helped her into the kitchen, but there was no telling how long that would last. A lit bomb didn't diffuse itself. Alex was going to explode again. It was only a matter of time. The question was whether she would be able to escape before he blew up.

He sat her down at a kitchen chair and slowly rummaged through the freezer. "I've never made an ice pack before," he admitted. "How much ice do I put into it?"

"Maybe a handful," she mumbled, even talking hurt. "Just wrap it up in a rag."

He nodded. As he worked she searched the table with her bleary vision, looking for something that she could use to defend herself. The only thing she could get to without him noticing was a plate. She grabbed it and hid it behind her back just as Alex turned back to her.

He knelt down in front of her and pressed the rag to her eye. He was gentle, but the pain of any contact at all was blinding. Before he had a chance to get up she swung out and smashed the plate across his face. The glass dug into his skin, blood dripping down the side of his face. He screamed in pain and fell to the side. As soon as his hands were off of her she pushed past him and launched herself toward the exit.

Before she even got halfway across the kitchen Alex's arms would around her waist, pulling her back and into him. Her heart sank. This was her one chance. He would never let it come again.

"God damn it Spencer! I don't want to hurt you. Stop making me." He wrapped her long hair around his hand and yanked her head back, forcing eye contact. "This is how my dad used to teach me lessons. It was effective because I hated every minute of it."

"Please," she begged. "Please just let me go home. If you love me you'll let me go."

He laughed and dragged her to the sink, plugging it with the stopper. As she watched the sink fill with water his intentions became clear. "Are you crazy? God, Alex this isn't love! It isn't! If you love me you'll let me go home!"

"You just don't understand yet, Spencer. You just don't see, but don't worry. I won't give up on you." He tightened his grip on her hair and shoved her face into the sink, completely submerging her head in the murky water. He pressed down until her cheek was against the cold metal bottom of the sink. Her stomach dug into the counter and her toes just barely grazed the ground.

She held her breath. The panic nearly overwhelmed her as she kicked backwards and scratched at his hands, doing anything and everything to get free. The fingers of one of his hands dug into the back of her head and the other grabbed her wrists and yanked them roughly behind her back to calm her protests. Just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore he yanked her head above the water. But before she could take a real breath he shoved her head back below the water.

Cold water sloshed over the edge of the sink, completely drenching her clothes, chilling her already trembling body to the bone. She kicked backwards and made contact with his shins, but the blows only caused him to tighten his grip on her. He lifted her head up and shoved her back under before she could breath again. Her chest burned and her throat felt tight as her body protested its lack of oxygen. Slowly, over what felt like an eternity but in reality was probably just a moment or two, her body grew weaker.

She couldn't hold her breath any more. She opened her lips to breath, her throat immediately filling with water. Her body heaved as her lungs rejected the liquid. Her body convulsed a few times, as she struggled for the air she wasn't getting.

Just as she felt she was about to pass out he yanked her out of the water and threw her against the counters. She slammed into the wood and collapsed against the ground, hacking up the water that had entered her lungs. She watched his boots coming toward her, and if she had any energy at all she would have slid away, but she couldn't move. She couldn't breath. She couldn't do anything. He kicked her hard in the stomach twice, sending her body slamming into the cabinets again, making it that much more difficult to breath.

His hands yanked her up and held her at arms length away to look at her. "Are you do now? Are you ready to just be mine?"

She didn't have the energy to protest anymore. She didn't have the strength for anymore of his punishments. She nodded.

"I love you," he said softly, leaning in to kiss her again. She didn't respond. She just let his clumsy lips explore hers. His arms tightened on her arms, shaking her slightly. "I said that I love you."

"I-" she coughed, a small dribbling of water trailing down from the corner of her mouth. Her lungs burned and her heart ached at the lie she was going to be forced to tell. "I l-love you t-too."

TPOV

His head was throbbing, but that wasn't going to stop him. Neither was the dull ache in his broken arm.

"Toby you need to breath."

He ignored her. Breathing, calming down... it wouldn't do anything. What he could do was sift through these piles of papers until he figured out which one was the Justin of their past. "Em, do you remember Justin's last name?"

"Justin?" She was confused for a second. "You mean that creepy Justin from Spence and my's class junior year? Um, it was something hispanic I think."

That tugged at his memory. He shuffled through the papers until he came across the one he remembered. "Justin Garcia, maybe?" He took the paper out and slid it to Emily. He looked kind of similar to the kid he remembered, but he only saw him twice. And both those times he looked rather scruffy. But it made sense that someone would dress up when they had to get their photograph taken.

"Yeah that's him. How is this going to help?"

He ignored her and took the papers, sitting next to Ezra so that they could look at the papers together. "You see anything that might help?"

"He's always lived in the area. If he's the one that took Spencer he probably still has her somewhere nearby," Ezra said with his eyes still on the papers.

Toby nodded. He picked up his phone and dialed their analyst's line. "Hey, we've got a suspect. Justin Alexander Garcia. We need any properties in his name, or maybe in his parents' names. Give it a 200 mile radius, and let me know what you find ASAP."

"Wait did you say that his middle name was Alexander?" Hanna asked in a small voice from her chair by the door.

He hung up the phone and sat it on the table, whipping his eyes up to her face. "Why?"

"Spencer worked with a cute, vaguely hispanic, guy for her internship named Alex. His last name was... ah shit Santi something." She reached out and took Caleb's hand, looking scared.

Any other time in the world he would have said something comforting, but right now he could only focus on Spencer.

"Mother's maiden name was Santiago," Ezra chimed in.

"Fuck," Toby murmured. "Fuck, he's been watching her this whole time. Right from next to her. Damn it. If I had been here-."

He was cut off by the sharp ringing of his phone. He snatched it up and answered it. "What do you have for me?"

_"His parents own a cabin right outside of Philadelphia. It's in the woods and the terrain looks pretty hilly. I'm texting you an address right now."_

He snapped his phone shut. "Ezra, let's go."


	14. Chapter 14

**This is fast. But it came to me quickly! And intense. And thanks caitycaites for the idea! I think you'll like this chapter, though :). The next will be up in the next few days.**

**Sidenote, I am in a TERRIBLE mood. You all know what to do to make it better :)**

Chapter 14

SPOV

She had to just bite her tongue. She had to pretend. Because there was one thing she knew for certain and that was that Toby wouldn't stop looking for her until he found her. She wrapped her arms around herself, stopping Alex's hands from wondering anywhere, but honestly, she knew that if he wanted to touch her she wouldn't be able to stop him. She wouldn't be able to do anything because she was weak. What was she even worth if she couldn't protect herself from this?

"Can I have some different clothes?" She whispered, her throat too raw for anything more substantial. She was still shivering. The chattering of her teeth was starting to give her a headache.

"I'm not sure you deserve any," he said. "You haven't been very good."

"I'm sorry." She would literally say anything for a change of clothes. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'll do better."

He nodded and helped her up from the couch, careful hands leading her toward the bedroom. "We got rid of my mom's stuff after she died, but I can give you an old shirt to wear." He pulled a sweatshirt out of the top drawer. "This was my dad's, but I think it'll look better on you."

She really didn't want to go without pants in front of him. But she was also not going to push the issue. It wasn't worth it. She looked at the bathroom, but he caught her arm and shook his head. "Right there's fine."

"Alex-"

"Don't be defiant, Spencer. Just change your clothes so that we can get back to our movie." He sat down on the bed and leaned back on his forearms. His eyes raked up and down her body, making her feel as uncomfortable as she ever had.

She nodded reluctantly and slowly unbuttoned her shirt, revealing her lacy black bra. If there were ever a day she wished she had been caught in her least sexy sports bra, that day was today. Just having his eyes on her made her feel disgusting. Maybe she didn't want Toby to find her, because how could he possibly still want her after this? Maybe all she deserved was Alex. She pulled the huge hoodie over her head, and she sighed in relief as it went nearly to her knees. She had worn dresses that revealed more.

Alex pulled himself up from the bed and sauntered toward her, a lazy smile stretching across his face. He pulled her against his chest and yanked her chin up to clumsily explore her lips with his own. "I'm kind of tired. Are you ready to go to bed?"

She just nodded, not trusting herself to talk. If she opened her mouth she would say the wrong thing; she always said the wrong thing. He all but carried her down a dark hallway and into the bed. She tried to force her mind to wonder, she tried to think about better... happier... things. But all she could focus on was the wait of his arm around her waist.

For a moment she felt relieved that that was all that he was trying, but it was short lived as he shoved her flat on her back. "Alex," she breathed. "Alex, please don't."

He laughed and trailed kisses from her temple down the side of her neck. She cringed away from him. Both of her hands found their way to his chest. He roughly shoved both of her arms back down onto the mattress and painfully pinned her wrists down. "Don't do _what, _Spencer? Don't do what? This?" He trailed his free hand down her entire body. His fingers brushed against the bare skin of her neck, over her breasts and down the gentle curve of her waist. "Why don't you stop me?"

"**Please,**" she implored, turning her face to the side. "Please don't do this."

His fingers jerked her chin up. "Stop begging."

Her helpless state was too much. She couldn't do this. She couldn't just sit by and take this. And in the grand scheme of things she'd rather he punish her again than rape her. "You're pathetic," she hissed, still struggling beneath his arms. "You can't get a girl any other way, so you have to kidnap me and force it. Nobody loves you and-"

A sharp blow to her face cut off anymore words. The blow had less weight behind it than the last one, but it hit the same cheek. If she wasn't convinced her cheekbone was broken before she was pretty sure of it now, judging by the loud crack. He grabbed a fist full of her hair and dragged her off of the bed, shoving her into the wall. "You don't get to call me that. Not anymore."

"I-" she groaned as his fist found her stomach. "I've never called you p-pathetic."

"My whole life you've made me feel inadequate." He punched her in the stomach again. Before she could catch her breath he slammed her head into the wall hard enough to smash a hole through the drywall. The gritty white dust burned her eyes and got in her mouth. "You've never loved me like you were supposed to."

"A-alex-" She coughed, something dribbling down her chin.

He grabbed her around her throat and slammed her into the wall again. Her feet hovered off the ground as he squeezed her throat tightly. "I'll never forgive you, dad. I'll never forgive you, and now you can't push me around anymore."

And even as her mind went hazy and her chest felt like it was going to explode she understood. He was having some kind of PTSD related flashback. He thought that she was his dad. It didn't excuse what he did, but something horrible had happened to Alex... something that never should have happened to anyone. And something that she said brought him back to a time when he felt powerless.

Her hands scratched over his, digging in as deeply as she could. Maybe pain would bring him back to reality. He slammed her into the wall again, tightening his hands around her neck so tightly that it felt like her eyes were going to pop out of her head. Her lips went numb and her vision blurred. And then suddenly her world went black and her body limp.

The next thing that she was aware of was her body on the ground. She would have thought that she'd be gasping for air, but she couldn't even do that. Little gulps of air entered her lungs, very slowly bringing awareness back to her body. And suddenly she wasn't on the ground anymore. She was wrapped up in his arms, his hands petting her hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I didn't know that it was you. I'm so sorry." He peppered soft kisses over her face. She couldn't move. Her eyes were opened, but she wasn't seeing anything. She wasn't feeling anything. She was just shut down.

Loud knocking sounded from the front door, pulling Alex from his apologies. "I guess it's time to play."

TPOV

As he sped up the dirt, mountain road his heart was in his throat. He had no idea what he was about to find. He didn't know what condition she'd be in. But what he did know that she was there. She was in the rickety little cabin at the top of the hill. He could feel it in his heart.

"Toby, are you sure that you can handle this?"

He didn't dignify Ezra's stupid question with a response. He didn't trust anyone else to handle it. "We're here." He stopped the car down the road. "How do you want to handle this?"

"You take the front and I'll take the back." Ezra slid from the car, pulling his gun from his holster and carefully stalking his way through the woods and around the house.

Toby mimicked Ezra's movements and made his way up the path and to the front door. He hesitated before pulling it open and sliding inside. He could hear the quiet murmuring of voices down the hallway.

"I'm sorry, Spencer. I didn't mean to. Just wake up, okay? Just wake up."

Ezra made cautioning motions from the other end of the hallway, but there wasn't a single thing in the world that would stop him from getting to her right now. He pushed through the door with his shoulder and pointed his gun at the figure on the ground.

When he saw the state that Spencer was in he literally saw red. There was no other way to describe it. Everything was tinged with the angry hue as he stalked forward and yanked Justin off of her. The gun was forgotten. His fists were much more satisfying. Again and again he rammed his fists into his face, the blood tainting his knuckles only increasing the satisfaction.

"Toby! Stop it!" Ezra grabbed his shoulders and yanked him off. "Do you really think this is what she needs right now?"

He tore his eyes off of Justin to look at Spencer, who was laying unmoving on the ground. Ezra was right. He always was, which is what makes him such a good partner. "Take care of him, will you?" He didn't wait for an answer before dropping to his knees next to Spencer. He wanted to gather her up in his arms. He wanted to kiss her and tell her that everything would be alright. But that wasn't what she needed right now.

He had always had this thing with Spencer. They instinctively knew what the other needed, and right now he knew that Spencer needed to come to the realization that he was here on her own. He trailed his fingers down her face, his arms aching to do more. She groaned, but she didn't move. "Come on, Spence. Just open your eyes, baby. I'm right here."

She whimpered, flinching away from his hand and in the process she broke his heart. What had this monster done to her? "It's me, baby. It's just me. You know that I'd never hurt you, Spencer. And if I have any say in it, no one will ever hurt you again."

She blinked one of her eyes open. It looked like the other one may have been swollen shut. Her one good eye was slightly unfocused, but it was trained on his face. "Toby?" She whispered, her voice sounding raw and painful.

He tried to smile, but he could't manage it. "It's me, Spence. I'm right here." He gently lifted her head and put it in his lap. "I'm right here. I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you." He had to stop talking or he was going to cry, which would probably the least helpful thing right now.

She reached for his hand, and he met her halfway. He gently laced their fingers together and brought her hand to his lips, placing a small kiss on each of her knuckles. Her weak grip scared the hell out of him, but at least she was conscious and talking. He ran his fingers along the jagged edges of her badly bruised face. The right side was purple and dark brown, and her cheek almost looked sunken in. The eye she did have open was bloodshot, the white of her eye was a sickly shade of pink. All of that combined with the hole in the wall, her lethargic state, and the angry marks around her neck told him how badly she was treated and her immediate need for a hospital.

"Do you want to try sitting up, baby?" When she didn't respond he tucked her hair out of her face and jostled her slightly. "Hey, Spencer- you need to keep your eyes open, sweetheart."

She blinked a few times, looking somewhere over his shoulder. "Toby-"

"There you go," he smiled, dropping a kiss to her forehead. "Now-"

"_Toby-" _she said more urgently.

He turned to see what had caught her attention, and for the first time since he had been in this house he felt genuine fear. Justin had somehow wrestled Ezra for his gun while he was focused on Spencer, and he won. Ezra was nowhere to be seen.

"Get on your feet." He jerked the gun slightly.

"Justin-"

"**Alex. **My name is Alex."

Toby nodded. "Okay, Alex. You don't have to do-"

"Save me the bullshit cop psycho babble. Get on your feet." He took a step forward and adjusted the gun slightly. At this range he didn't know whether the gun was aimed at himself or Spencer, and he certainly wasn't going to risk her further injury.

He looked down at her and gave her a reassuring smile. "Everything will be fine."

But when he saw that he was going to stand without her, Alex shook his head again. "Her too."

He bit down hard on his lip to stop the curses that threatened to escape. If he could kick this kids ass he would. He put both arms around Spencer. One supported her head and the other he waist. "I'm sorry if this hurts, baby." He pulled her up and into him, all but carrying her. He angled their bodies so that he was between her and the gun and waited to see what he'd do.


	15. Chapter 15

**This was going to be a LITTLE longer, but I got a TON of antsy reviews, so I thought I'd oblige and just post it. Review, okay? Also, you guys are incredible! SO GREAT! Seriously, I just popped this story out of the blue and it's getting the BEST REVIEWS.**

**Sidenote, I got a PM from somebody the other day asking me some questions and afterwards they apologize. UM NO. Don't do that. Seriously, i don't care who you are. If you ever want to talk, PM me! More than likely I have advice/answers/want to talk just as much! And more likely than not you'll end up getting spoilers while I work though a chapter lol! I write my chapters on here... a hold out from when I didn't have word!**

**Anyways, review, okay!? A Colorless Sunrise will be up tomorrow I think, and Hold Me Close While I Breathe You will be up shortly after that.**

Chapter 15

TPOV

He could feel Spencer sagging into him. That was his secondary concern, and it was an incredible one. Only the gun pointing in their direction could be a bigger worry for him. "Listen-"

"Shut up!" He took a step closer. The gun was clearly aimed at him, which was strangely comforting. At least Spencer wasn't the target again.

"Alex, she needs to get to the hospital. Just-" If his girlfriend wasn't incoherent and unable to support her weight he would have strong armed him into giving up the gun. But he couldn't leave Spencer behind anymore than he could leave his own arm behind.

"Toby, stop," she whispered, her body leaning heavily against his back.

He could feel her shaking and her ragged breathing. He didn't care what she wanted, he needed to get them out of this. Where the hell was Ezra? "Just let me take her to the hospital, Alex. We won't tell anyone what happened here," he lied through his teeth. He would love to get his hands on his throat... to give him a taste of what he had so apparently had given to Spencer.

"The only option you have," Alex explained, stepping forward again, "is to give Spencer back and get the hell out. If not I'll shoot you in the face."

"Then you're going to have to shoot me," he said softly, tightening his grip on Spencer. He wouldn't let her fall. "because there's not a chance in hell that I'll ever leave her again."

He watched the gun rise and prepared to dive out of the way, but before he needed to Alex was slammed into the ground. It looked like Ezra found his way back. He turned and lowered Spencer to the ground in the small space between the wall and the dresser and pushed her hair out of her face. That would cover her if the gun somehow dislodged a bullet. "I need to go help Ezra. Don't move." He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before walking back out into the open and taking his gun out of the holster.

"Drop it, Alex!" He aimed his gun the struggle on the ground. He was reluctant to shoot, because he didn't want to accidentally hit Ezra. But he was even more reluctant to allow Alex to regain possession of the gun, and to potentially hurt Spencer further. He had already caused enough damage for six lifetimes.

He saw Alex's hand reach out for the gun, and without thinking too hard about it he pulled the trigger of his own. The bullet ripped through Alex's shoulder, the blood splattering on the floor and on Ezra, who was still next to him. He didn't wait. As soon as he saw the gun back in Ezra's hands he turned back to Spencer. He could hear his pain filled moans and was gratified. That was only a small taste of what he deserved.

Spencer's eyes were closed when he got back to her. From the trail of blood trickling down from her temple and her lethargic state her surmised that she had been hit in the head, which meant that she probably had a concussion. "Spencer, you need to open your eyes for me." He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her off of the wall. Her head lulled backwards. He released one of her shoulders and grabbed her neck to support her head. "Ezra, call an ambulance."

"Already done." His clipped tone told him that he was pissed. He'd have to get that story later.

He nodded wordlessly. His only concern was Spencer. "Baby, come on. Just look at me, okay? Just let me see your eyes."

She blinked a few times. The brown was unfocused, but she directed her gaze at him. It was progress. "There you go baby. There you go. Now, can you try talking to me? Just say anything. Do you know where you are?"

"I- I don't-" She looked confused and her eyes drifted shut.

"No." He shook her shoulders slightly. "Keep your eyes open, Spencer. You have to keep them open."

The noise of sirens reached his ears, causing relief to travel every inch of his body. She'd be alright if she could just hang on awhile longer. "Spencer-"

Suddenly her body bucked forward. His arm caught her round her stomach to stop her from falling to the ground. Vomit poured from her mouth, and had it been anyone in the world besides Spencer he would have been disgusted. But because he loved her so much he didn't even see it past the monumental increase in his concern. This wasn't good.

He rubbed a gentle hand up and down her back. "Just let it out. You'll feel better."

"T-toby-" she coughed. "I- I- Oh my G-god."

"Shhh," he murmured, drawing her closer as soon as it seemed like she was done. "You're okay. You're safe, and he'll never touch you again." She was shaking, and whether it was from the cold, her injuries, or fear he wasn't sure. He pulled his jacket off and slid it over her shoulders. "Do you want me to get you a blanket?"

She shook her head slowly. "I don't want you to move," she whispered in a slow slur. She sank into him, and he was certain that she was nearing unconsciousness.

All he could do was keep her talking. He was sure that the paramedics would be in soon, and they would know what to do. He could hear Ezra moving around and Alex's pitiful moans, but it was all background noise. All that mattered was the girl in his arms. "Are you in a lot of pain, Spence? Is there anything I can do to help? What hurts the worst?"

She mumbled something incoherent and nuzzled her face into his chest. The gesture both warmed him and unnerved him at the same time. "Spencer-"

But before he could finish his sentence a team of paramedics rushed into the room. They glanced at Alex, but as soon as they saw Spencer they changed gears. He had to fight hard not to protest as they took her out of his arms. He was sure that they were great at their job, but she wouldn't be safe with anyone but him. Not anymore. And he wanted to go with her more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life. But he couldn't leave Ezra. "Ezra, I-"

"Shut up and get out of here." Ezra gave him a funny kind of half smile and jerked his head toward the door.

"Are you sure?" Alex might have had cuffs on, but he seemed squirmy. He didn't want his friend to get hurt.

"I wouldn't tell you to go if I wasn't. Just be careful and take care of your girl, alright?"

He gave his partner one of those awkward man hugs that were really more claps on the back and darted out the door, climbing into the ambulance just before the closed the back doors. This, unfortunately, wasn't his first time in one of these. He sat down next to Spencer's head and reached for her hand. When she looked at him him gave her the most sincere smile that he could manage. "Do you want me to call Hanna and Emily?"

She nodded, and winced from the movement. He reached out and smoothed her hair back and pulled his phone out at the same time. She squeezed his fingers. "Toby?"

He looked back down at her immediately. "Yeah, baby?"

"C-can-" she coughed. "Can you call my parents too?" She murmured. Her eyes were drifting shut. "I know you- they- you guys don't get-

"Shhh," he brushed his lips across her forehead. "Of course I will. Just relax."

His stomach was still twisting in knots, and it took him a long time to figure out why. But as the ambulance sped over the gravel roads he knew it was because, while he had her back, he was terrified at finding out just what that monster had done to her. If her bruised and bloody face were any indication it had been hell.


	16. Chapter 16

**Genuinely almost cried writing this chapter. WARNINGS. Also probably a trigger warning is necessary for anyone who's survived domestic violence. Proceed with caution.**

**REVIEW lovies. I love yooou! You are the best in the world.**

**Sidenote, go check out my new oneshot, "She Lives With Ghosts." It's a continuation of the spoby scene in 4x21.**

Chapter 16

SPOV

The next several hours passed in a haze of semi-consciousness. Certain things stood out to her. The blue of Hanna's eyes, Emily's soothing and calm voice, her parents' indigent shouts... but what stood out was Toby. His hands against her bare skin, his eyes vigilantly staring at her, his melodic voice calming her with his comforting words.

She groaned and pried her eyes open. One of her eyes was swollen shut, and her vision in the other eye was blurry, but she would recognize him anywhere. She didn't need to see his face. She knew it from the rough body shape, from the feel of his hands, from the way that he made her feel. The first thing she was fully aware of was Toby's warm hand curled around the back of her neck. His fingers gently scratched her sore and tender skin. He wasn't looking at her. He was staring at a spot on the sheets next to her. She could hear the low murmuring of voices elsewhere in the room, but right now she couldn't take her eyes off of Toby.

She focused all of her energy on moving her arm up and lightly placing her hand on top of his. If she hadn't been in so much pain his startled gasp would have made her laugh. He moved his hand from her neck and laced it together with hers, bringing their intertwined fingers up to his lips. "Hey," he breathed. "Hey."

"Mmm-" she groaned, tightening her hand in his. She just couldn't make her tongue work.

"Shh," he quieted her. "It's okay, sweetheart. You're fine. Everything's fine."

The vision in her good eye was slowly clearing, giving her a clear picture of just how bad he looked. His eyes were bloodshot, and dark circles were the prominent feature on his face. "Toby," she coughed. Her stomach twisted as the severity of what she had just gone through fully hit her, and what he must have gone through to get her back. Because she didn't have to be told to know that he had saved her. That's just what he did.

"H-how?" Her voice sounded awful, and it felt almost as bad as it sounded to push the words from her throat. Alex's hands tightening around her neck flashed through her mind, causing her to flinch away. She couldn't let him hurt her again. But almost as fast as the thought came it was gone. And it wasn't Alex next to her, it was Toby. Toby would never hurt her. There was a lot of things she was unsure about, but not that.

He looked concerned, but not offended. "Sorry. I'm sorry." He looked like he wanted to touch her again, but he held himself back.

She felt her cheeks heating in embarrassment, but that didn't stop her from reaching out to him. He touched her hand and slowly and carefully wrapped it back up in his. "No, I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely. "That wasn't-"

"Hey," he murmured and brushed her hair out of her face. "I know. You don't have to explain yourself."

"How did you find me?" She didn't mean for it to come out so bluntly, but she had to know. Just when she thought she was about to lose herself he came barging into that cabin of darkness like a fairy tale white knight. He saved her.

"A series of memories and well timed discoveries. It isn't important. All that matters is that I _did _find you." He hesitated, "But Spence, if I'm going to be able to keep him locked up I'm-"

"You need to know what happened," she whispered. It wasn't a question. Not only was she more intelligent than the average person, she was also very nearly a lawyer. She knew how the law worked.

"I've got a pretty good idea," he gestured to her face, barely concealing his rage. He was mad, and she didn't blame him. If it were him who were hurt she would be raising hell, but right now she just felt tired. He ran his fingers through her hair, never taking his eyes off of her. "What I need to know... did he- did he _hurt _you?" He looked like he was going to cry, and it was kind of breaking her heart a little bit.

But suddenly she understood what he was asking, and everything made sense. It was perfectly understandable that he would be extra sensitive to those implications after everything that Jenna had put him through. She shook her head. "You got there right in time."

It was like his head was too heavy to hold up any longer. He bent over her, covering her upper body with his. He held his broken arm against his chest and used his other arm keep himself from applying any real weight to her body. She was going to speak, to ask him if he was okay... but the words caught in her throat as a single droplet of water bounced off her collarbone. He was crying. "Toby," she whispered. "Toby, it's okay."

Her chest ached as he ran his nose along her collarbone and into her neck. He shook his head into her. "I love you. I _love _you. **I love you.**"

"Shh," she whispered. She felt like shit. Her entire body hurt, her stomach was churning, and she thought she might be sick. But none of that mattered when Toby was hurting. Because she loved him more than she ever thought possible. And even more than that, her heart was filled with gratitude for him. He saved her. Alex would have- he would have done irreparable damage had Toby not found her when he had. "I'm fine, baby. I'm completely fine. I love you so much. I'm fine, thanks to you."

He pulled away and put his hand on the side of her face. His thumb tenderly stroked out a pattern on her skin. His eyes were blood shot and tear filled. "Are you okay?" He looked at her so intently, as though he thought he would be able to see the truth in her eyes. And to be honest, he probably could if he looked hard enough. Toby had always had an incredible ability to know exactly what she was thinking.

She had so infrequently been looked like that, had her genuine well-being questioned. It nearly brought her to tears. And it inspired a bought of honesty she hadn't been prepared to give. Because how could she lie to him after that? "Not at all, but I'll manage if you stay here."

He grabbed her hand, gently lacing their fingers together. His head dipped down to briefly rest his forehead on top of hers. "I'm not going anywhere."

She hesitated. "What's wrong with me?"

"Very, very bruised. The doctor said that you would be weak and disoriented for awhile due to your concussion and the evidence of strangulation. There's damage to your lungs, and several of your ribs are broken." He ran a finger along the jagged edge of her bruised eye. "But it could have been so much worse."

She nodded into him. "Toby, I-" She wanted to play it cool. She wanted to be calm, but the enormity of her abduction weighing down on her. Alex's hands rubbing against her... his lips roughly violating her lips... the paralyzing fear she felt when she thought he was going to force her into sleeping with him... Her face crumpled, but she tried to hide it from him.

He was talking to her, but it sounded like an out of tune radio station. Static filled her ears. All she could think about was Alex's hands groping her body. She felt dirty. She wrestled her hands back from Toby and scratched at her arms, trying to remove the memory of him touching her. She was disgusting. She should have fought harder. She should have found a way to escape before he even began to violate her.

Toby's hands took hers back in his. She tried to wrench them back away from him, but his hold was unrelenting. "_Spencer."_

She shook her head and looked down. Fat tear drops dripped off of her face and bounced off of her forearms. Toby's hands slid up her arms and wrapped around her elbows. "Spencer look at me. Are you physically okay? Tell me you're okay or I'm going to get help."

She sobbed loudly and embarrassingly. There was such a stark contrast between Alex and Toby. Toby was so physically strong. He could hurt anyone he wanted, and take anything that he wanted to be his. But he never would. He was so gentle, so kind. He was genuinely altruistic and tender hearted. He wouldn't hurt anyone or anything. But Alex was the exact opposite. He took what he wanted and he did it unapologetically. He used his strength to violently force his will on other people.

But honestly, they were also alike. Both had a horrifically tragic backstory. She knew the details of Toby's, and even thinking about it make her want to rip to shreds every single person who had ever hurt him. But his circumstances hadn't defined him. He rose above it to become the amazing person he was. She didn't know what Alex had gone through, but someone didn't become what he was without tragedy. That kind of evil was created, not ingrained. But his circumstances hardened him. He was buried by them. What made the two of them similar only served to differentiate them further.

"**Spencer!**"

She lifted her eyes, but didn't quite make contact with his. She stared at his nose. Toby tilted her chin upward slightly until he could look at her. "Are you in pain?"

How was she supposed to answer that question? She was in incredible pain. Her body was covered in bruises and bandages. Her heart ached. Her skin burned. She just wanted a shower. She wanted to scald her skin until the memory of Alex washed away. She wanted to claw her brain from her skull until she didn't remember it anymore.

"_Spencer! _Please baby. Tell me what I can do."

"I just- I don't-" she sobbed, breaking her mumbling off. "I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to hurt."

He didn't hesitate. He shifted and laid out in the bed next to her, pulling her into his chest with both of his arms. He had to be hurting his broken arm, but articulating that particular concern wasn't possible right now. She buried her face into his chest, her hysterical tears almost immediately soaking through his shirt. She was shaking, trembling so violently that her teeth were chattering. Her fingers fisted his shirt. "I just want to f-forget."

He gently rubbed a hand from the crown of her head, down her neck, and to her shoulders. "I can't make this better, but what I can do is promise you that you'll never be alone. Not even for a single second. I'll be here for you ever single second."

Sincerity rang throughout every one of his words. She had spent so long trying to get over him. She had spent so long trying to find a way to move on. But now she was holding onto him like a lifeline.

And of course it was at that moment a stream of people walked into her room. Hanna, Emily, Caleb, her parents, and a few medical looking people. She tucked her face into Toby's neck and closed her eyes. His warm skin felt nice against her bruises. She wasn't quite able to stop her tears, but she managed to quiet her sobs.

"Spencer!"

She flinched away from Hanna's voice and deeper in to Toby's arms.

"Stay back," Toby said sharply.

She felt grateful, ashamed, embarrassed, and comforted all at the same time. Thank God for Toby Cavanaugh.

"Is she okay?" It was her mother speaking that time. She wasn't used to her family sounding so concerned for her, and she couldn't bring herself to care right now. Maybe had her mom been more like a real parent from the beginning she would have felt comfortable sharing about -A, about Alex from the beginning.

Toby didn't answer her. He just dropped a series of soft kisses to her forehead. "You're okay. You're safe. Everyone in this room loves you and cares about you. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

She closed her eyes and leaned into him for a final second before pulling away and looking at him. Her eye hurt more than anything she had ever experienced besides the pain in her heart. But she loved him. She loved him, and she trusted him to keep her safe. And really, that was all that mattered right now. "I love you."

He smiled sadly and kissed her hairline. "I love you too."


	17. Chapter 17

**This was going to be a little longer... but I figured by your antsy reviews you'd prefer this :). Sorry for the cliffy, but actually i'm not!**

**There's a Doctor Who quote in here, and a Harry Potter one! Find them and get a treat!**

**REVIEW PLEASE. Your reviews make me so happy!**

**ALSO TO THE ANON REVIEWER ON SHE LIVES WITH GHOSTS... oh my god, girl you just made me so happy. Seriously that was the best review I've ever gotten, and I'll start with the story that you requested soon :).**

Chapter 17

Alex's POV

He stared silently at the officers that were guarding the door to his hospital room. His arm hurt like a bitch, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. He smirked as one of them left to presumably use the restroom or get another jelly donut.

He would get out of this. And he would finish what he started.

TPOV

It was a long week in the hospital. Emotions churned in his stomach like the ocean's waves in the midst of a hurricane. One minute he'd be fine, and then the next minute the rage crashed over him and threatened to pull him under. One minute he'd look at Spencer and be devastated over her injuries, and the next he'd be overjoyed because he had her back. And for some reason she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

He ran a gentle hand through her hair until she looked up at him questioningly. He smiled and bent down to kiss her forehead. "Are you doing alright?"

She just shook her head and leaned into his hand. Her trembling fingers covered over his. She was still scared, terrified really, and there was nothing that he could do about it. He had never felt such overwhelming powerlessness. He wanted to protect her from everything, but how was he supposed to do that when she had already been through the worst? "Talk to me, Spence. What's going through your mind?"

She looked up at him again. Her face looked worse than when she was brought in. She could open both eyes now, but the white of her injured eye was a sickly shade of pink. The bruises were less black and more purple and yellow. It was all in the name of healing, but it was killing him. She mumbled something unintelligible. He leaned in closer. "Say that again, sweetheart."

"I don't want to go home." Her pained whisper nearly was his undoing.

He closed his eyes for a second to stop the threat of tears. "I was actually thinking about that, Spence. I- Maybe do you want to stay with me for awhile? If it would make you feel safer my door is wide open."

She looked shocked. "Really?"

He couldn't even bring himself to answer her. Her uncertain face was literally breaking his heart. He would literally go to the ends of the earth for her, didn't she know that? He leaned against her pillows and pulled her to him so that her head was resting against the middle of his chest. "I don't know what else I have to say to you to prove that you're never alone, Spencer. You're not alone in this, so please don't feel like you can't tell me what you want or need, okay? I've got you. I'll be there to catch you if you fall. I'll hold you hand when you're scared. I know- I know I let you down in the past, but never again."

She nodded without lifting her head. "If you're sure I won't be imposing."

He rolled his eyes and kissed her temple. "You could never impose, baby."

An elderly nurse wheeled a chair into the room, gesturing excitedly. "You ready to head home, sweetie?"

* * *

><p>SPOV<p>

Every shadow, every creak made her tense up. Unexpected voice almost always set her into a panic attack, the severity of which was solely determined by the proximity of her boyfriend. There was something about his gentle hands and soothing touch that could bring her back from the brink of insanity.

But as horrible as she felt right now, she was faring much better than she had in the hospital. In the hospital nurses and doctors came in at all hours, nearly sending her into a state of panic every time they swung the door open. Her friends and family's hurt faces flashed were her constant companion. Here it was just her and Toby. And as perpetually frightened she was, she felt nothing but safe around Toby. She trusted him implicitly.

Toby had told her not to move, but always the rebel, she rolled over. Her entire body protested, but that didn't stop her. She groaned and pulled herself up from her prone position on the bed. Her ribs ached, making it kind of hard to breathe. But she was sick of being needy, of requiring help for the most simple of tasks.

"Spence, I told you to just relax," Toby groaned, coming back into the bedroom with a glass of water and a grilled cheese sandwich.

"I've had enough relaxation for the rest of my life," she sighed. She reached for him, the short amount of time they were apart was already too much for her. Their skin pressed together was the only thing keeping her sane.

He lifted her legs across his lap and lifted half of a sandwich to her lips. "Eat," he murmured into her hair. "I haven't seen you eat much, baby. You need to get some of your strength back."

She hadn't had an appetite. Her stomach was constantly churning, and she was certain that if she tried to eat anything she wouldn't be able to keep it down. "I can't."

"Just a couple bites?" He was trying to keep his voice even, but she could hear the underlying anxiety. He was worried about her.

And he had worried enough over the past few weeks. She wrapped her lips around the edge of the sandwich and took a small bite. She chewed on the bread slowly, testing the limits of her stomach. She took one more small bite before gently pushing it away. She couldn't handle any more. "Toby," she whispered, swallowing roughly. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby," he whispered.

"No," she protested. He didn't understand. "No not like the way you end a phone call or a pat on the back. I _love _you. Toby, I love you and you're the last person that's ever going to hear me say that. Those words belong to you."

"Spence," he breathed. "Spencer, I-"

She shook her head, tucking her face into his neck. "You don't have to say anything. I just thought that you should know."

He tilted her chin up and kissed her softly. "I love you more than I ever imagined possible."

She wanted to believe him, God she did. But how could he? How could he still want her even after everything? "Even now?"

For a second she thought that he was going to cry. The desperate urgency in his eyes was almost palpable. "Always."

"I d-don't understand, though," she admitted. "I'm- I just feel so- so dirty." Her words got more and more quiet until she completed her sentence nearly inaudibly.

"Oh baby," he whispered. "Oh no. No, no. Nothing that happened was your fault. I'll always love you. Nothing will ever change that. Especially not-"

"But-"

He shook his head. "Do you remember what you told me when you found out about Jenna?"

"That it didn't change anything... other than my wanting to kick her ass," she said softly.

"And now I'm saying the same thing to you." He framed her face with his hands to keep her looking up at him. "This changes nothing."

"I-" she began, but she was cut off by the shrill ringing of the phone.

He groaned and fumbled for it. He pulled it to his ear without taking his eyes off of her. "What?"

The urgency of the tone was all that she caught, as well as the growing tension in her boyfriend's body. "Fuck. Fuck, are you kidding me? How did this happen?"

She tried to sit up, but he tightened his arms around her. "Just-" he looked torn. "Yes, but stay outside." He slammed the phone shut and closed his eyes.

She lifted a hand to his cheek, "Toby, what is it?"

He looked at her, a storm brewing in the cool blue. "I-" he hesitated.

"Don't try to protect me, Toby," she mumbled. She was acting weak, but she was stronger than she was appearing. She could handle it. "Just tell me."

He drew her in closer, fully enveloping her body in his. "He escaped. That unimaginable bastard got away, and maybe we should go out of town until they catch him."

She shook her head, feeling both calm and panicked at the same time. Part of her wanted to let Toby take her wherever he thought best, but a larger part of her knew that it was time to stop running. "No. No, we stay here. He's not going to have me running like a criminal."

"Baby, I'm all for being strong, but-"

"What's he going to do?" She whispered. "He's a bully. He gets his kicks by hurting people weaker than him, but you aren't weaker than him. As hurt as I might be, he won't be able to take on the two of us."

He just looked at her for a second, clearly trying to judge her sincerity. "Want to play Scrabble?" He finally asked her.

She smiled and nodded, leaning against the wall as he got up to grab the game board. Everything would be alright, it just had to be.


	18. Chapter 18

**I don't know how I feel about this one, so let me know what you think, okay?**

**I'm going to bed, but it'd be grand to wake up to reviews! Hint, hint! The next chapter is almost done. I need to update A Colorless Sunrise first, but the more reviews the quicker this one gets updated. Just some incentive.**

**Send me your theories, loves! Those are the best things ever!**

Chapter 18

Alex's POV

The glaring lights of a gas station caught his eye. He pulled the black hood more securely over his head and carefully slid though the door and into the bathroom. There was no doubt the police would check for him at nearby businesses, but there was no way that they would recognize him for certain.

He quickly locked the door and stood by the mirror. The peroxide and surgical scissors he had swiped from the medicine cabinet were useful as he cut off his curls and hastily transformed his hair color. It was't the best disguise, but perhaps it would get him away without getting caught.

A small appeared on his lips as he pulled out his phone and looked at the picture he snapped of Spencer just before Toby stole her from him. He didn't want to hurt her, but there was something deliciously enticing about the bruises that discolored her face. He was finally the more powerful one, finally the one in control.

He ducked out the gas station, still keeping his hood over his face. He would come for her, but he couldn't do it right away. He needed to give them time to relax.

SPOV

**Two Weeks Later**

Every day she felt stronger. Little by little both her physical and emotional wounds started to heal. She'd never be whole again. That was impossible. But she could piece herself together like you would piece together a broken vase; whole again, but maybe never as strong.

Today she was feeling as good as she had in quite awhile. She blinked, carefully applying her mascara. There were still bruises on her face and neck, but they were to the point that some foundation nearly completely concealed them. Emily had brought over some of the essentials a few days ago, and Spencer was feeling lucky that she had the foresight to do so, otherwise she would be getting some concerned glances in public.

Toby walked slowly and carefully into the bathroom. He was so kind, so perfect. It might have been it was because he was a cop, or it might have been because he just knew her so well. He never pushed her, never fought her. He was so patient. He slowly wound an arm around her waist and kissed her temple. "You sure about this?"

She just nodded. She was incredibly conflicted. The thought of leaving the house completely terrified her, but she was done being weak. She was done being afraid. This was what she wanted to do.

And somehow he also could see that she didn't need him to say anything else, that she just needed his support. He tightened his grip on her and lead her out the bedroom door, through the front entrance, and into the passenger side of his truck. While he walked around to get in himself she thought she saw movements in the trees behind them, but when she turned to check there was nothing there. She was just getting paranoid.

But it was a justified paranoia, all things considered. Alex hadn't been spotted in two weeks, but he was still out there. He hadn't given up in four years, and there was no way he was giving up now. She had gotten the distinct impression that he still had more planned for her when Toby rescued her, and he wouldn't stop until he got caught again or finished what he started.

Toby's hand found her thigh as he pulled away from the curb. Their drive was largely silent, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It was like pulling on a warm sweater on a cold day, comforting. "Did you eat while I was in the shower?"

She should have. He told her too, but despite the fact she was feeling better she still didn't have much of an appetite. She shook her head wordlessly.

"Spence," he sighed. He reached into his pocket and handed her a pack of her favorite fruit snacks. "Good thing I anticipated this," he laughed slightly. "You're nothing if not predictable."

She smiled as she popped a cherry flavored gummy into her mouth. Despite the fact that he was back in her life, despite the fact that he had proven himself again and again, she still worried that it wasn't real. That maybe he would realize that she wasn't worth it and leave her again, or maybe he only stayed because he felt a sense of responsibility toward her. But he did stupid little things like that and she knew that that wasn't it. He loved her.

"Do you remember-"

"My first encounter with low blood sugar, Spencer?" He finished with a smirk. "Of course I do, and I'm probably the only person in the world that finds that side of you to be adorable."

She rolled her eyes. "Because you're an idiot," she snorted and nudged his shoulder affectionately. She closed her eyes and thought back to the time she nearly killed her boyfriend out of hunger.

_"Spencer?"_

_She bristled at the sound of the voice that usually set her at ease. But today she wanted to throw something at him. Maybe the weighty dictionary. "What?" She snapped, recognizing the harshness in her voice, but not even in the mood to care._

_His hands found their way to her shoulders, but she shrugged him off. "Are you alright?"_

_Sometimes she forgot how little time they had known each other. Their connection ran deep, but it hadn't run long enough for him to deal with her during finals week. "Just studying." She indulged him. She realized she was being rude, but she couldn't bring herself to tear her eyes from the book._

_"Can I help you?" He asked sweetly, pulling out a chair and sitting next to her._

_"Do you know anything about theoretical physics?" She asked him. Her voice was hard and annoyed and completely unlike herself._

_His hand took hers, and his hold wasn't too tight. But it was tight enough that she couldn't pull away. "Wait, am I finally dealing with the infamous low blood sugar Spencer? Emily warned me about your head biting off tendencies, but I have to say that I didn't believe her." He grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl and shoved it into her hands. "Eat."_

_"I don't have time for food," she ignored the teasing. "I have ten more pages to annotate before-"_

_Toby pushed the banana into her mouth and looked at her expectantly. She took a bite and chewed quickly. "Satisfied?" She groaned, looking back down at her book._

_His fingers found her chin, tilting her face up to his. "I'll be satisfied when you finish the banana. A five minute break won't hurt, Spencer. And then I'll pull out my Geometry book and study with you, sweetheart."_

_"Really?" She broke her indifferent facade. Most people avoided her like this, so she found it kind of hard to believe that he would want to spend time with her._

_He smiled and held the banana out to her. "Eat."_

_She took another bite, and even though she had been home all along she was finally feeling at ease._

The crunch of gravel ground under the tires as she drove up the long driveway. She slumped in her seat as she took in the massive house that she grew up in. There was't more that she wanted less than to visit her cold, demoralizing parents. But at least they wouldn't try to touch her. That wasn't something that she could handle right now.

Toby's soft hand on the small of her back was an entirely different matter. His hands were the only thing keeping her sane. As he led her up the walk she had to keep her mind focused on the task at hand, despite the fact that her neck was prickling as though someone was watching her.

His voice flowed melodically into her ear. "Are you alright?"

She would have answered him, but she was thrown off by the sight of her mother enthusiastically opening the front door. "Come in, come in!"

She flinched into Toby's side at the unexpected noise, but even before his calm words of reassurance reached her she relaxed. It was just her mom. There was nothing to be afraid of.

The broad smile on her mother's face was kind of freaking her out. She had never been welcomed so warmly before. Was that what it took? Nearly being murdered was what it took for her parents to love her? "Hey mom."

She tried to make small talk with the two of them, but Spencer still wasn't up for it. She wasn't up for much, but she was intelligent enough to realize that if she was ever going to move past this she needed to live her life again. Her friends were the obvious choice, but she never liked the obvious much. Her parents asked her over, and she thought it might be comforting to head home.

But she forgot that home never felt like home. Home wasn't really four walls, it was a feeling of safety... security... It was what she felt when she was around Toby. He was her home.

"Spencer, how are you feeling?"

She blinked a few times as she focused on her father. When had he entered the room? "Good," she all but whispered. "I'm good."

"Great, great."

It still stung, her father's complete inability to tell how she was really feeling. But that's how it always had been, and she supposed that it was equally her fault. She didn't have to lie, but she had a proclivity for telling her parents what they wanted to hear.

"Spencer, have you thought about-"

But she'd never know her mom was going to ask her. A sharp knock on the front door had her immediate attention. Her mom frowned. "Were we expecting anyone else?"

Her dad shook his head and walked slowly toward the door. She glanced up at Toby, knowing that she was probably being ridiculous. But the sudden noise made her uncomfortable. Toby steady hand brushed over her forearm in reassurance.

"What the hell is this?"

Before Toby could stop her she shrugged away and met her dad at the front door. At first she didn't see anything, but then it was clear what had her dad so upset. The tree directly across from the door had a new addition. A doll with curly brown hair was attached to the tree by a large butcher knife through the stomach. The message was clear, and the perpetrator behind the message was obvious.

Movement in the treeline caught her eye. A black hoodie clad figure stared at her. She couldn't see their face, but she knew they were staring. Their eyes were practically burning a hole in her head.

Before she even knew what was happening Toby pushed past her and took off toward the trees at a sprint. Watching him run toward her enemy was too much. What if he got hurt? What if he never came back? If she found his body in the woods it would be her undoing. "Toby!" She felt like she was screaming, but her voice was nothing more than a broken sob. Why was he leaving her? Why did everyone leave? He told her he wouldn't leave her.

She stumbled backward. Hands wrapped around her upper arms, but she violently flinched away from the contact, sliding to the floor in a heap. Toby wasn't here. Toby was gone, and she wasn't safe. She wasn't safe. She wasn't okay. She covered her ears with her hands and closed her eyes, trying to calm the sobs that had unexpectedly overtaken her entire body. She couldn't breath. She couldn't even think. She was scared. She was scared, and she wanted Toby, but he wasn't there. He wasn't there.


	19. Chapter 19

**About 5 chapters to go, if I had to guess. And then I will be continuing my latest one shot, KINDA. You could see that as a prequel to the multi-chapter story I'll start posting when I'm done with this!**

**Dropped a pretty big hint in this, but I don't know if any of you will catch it! Let me know you theories on how this is going to end!**

**This story is two reviews away from 200! If it gets to 200 before I go to sleep in a half an hour I'll PM the 200th reviewer a synopsis of my next story and you can help me title it if you want :). Or not! Whatever! And if 200 happens to be anon I'll pick 201.**

**Tomorrow I have to open AGAIN. So I have to wake up at FOUR AM. Reviews will make it better!**

Chapter 19

APOV

He watched Toby run right past him. He smirked and ducked into the shadows, running in the opposite direction. It was time to get to work, and he didn't have time to play cat and mouse with the cop.

TPOV

Run.

That's all he could think about. That's all he could focus on. Because if he thought about Spencer right now, if he thought about the heartbroken, terrified look on her face that he had glimpsed before running off, he wouldn't be able to go.

But he had too. He had to take this opportunity, because who knew when it would come again? Alex was sly. He was sneaky as hell, and if he had gone four years watching her without drawing any attention to himself, God only knew how long he could do it this time. And he couldn't handle that. He would make Spencer safe.

But the further he ran the more hopeless it became. His heart sank as a horrible thought ran through his mind. What if Alex ran off to draw him away from the house? What if he was back with Spencer right now? He turned and ran to the Hastings house, faster than he ever had. Faster. Faster. Faster.

He ran down the excessively long driveway and through the double doors. He heard her before he saw her, and her devastated sobs nearly tore his heart in two. If anyone hurt her he would seriously contemplate murder. Typically he was a calm guy. He didn't mind when people were rude to him. It took a lot more than someone hurting him to get him to this point. It took someone hurting her. He was a cop. He knew how to make it look like an accident.

Dropping down next to her and gathering her up in his arms weren't conscious thoughts. He just did it. He buried his face in her hair and whispered every reassuring thought he could think of. "You're okay. You're fine, baby. I'm right here, I promise. Nothing can hurt you."

She whimpered and turned her face into his chest. "Where'd you go?"

He small, broken voice would haunt his dreams, he was sure of it. She didn't deserve this. "It doesn't matter," he explained softly. "What does matter is that you never have to be afraid of losing me, Spencer. I'll always come back to you. I'm yours, forever."

Her whimpers turned into a sob as she threw her arms around his neck and tucked her face into his shoulder. She let herself go, and all he could do was run a soothing hand up and down her back. "I won't let him hurt you. I promise you, I won't let him hurt you."

He couldn't be sure of how long they sat there like that. It might have been hours, or it might have just been a minute or two. But as her sobs waned he felt the searing eyes of her parents on him. Shuffling caused him to look up, but before he could warn her not to her mom put a hand on Spencer's shoulder. She flinched violently away from the contact and started to cry again. He had to remind himself that killing her mother would be counterproductive.

"Spencer," Mrs. Hastings tried a new tactic and crouched down next to her. "maybe you should stay with us for awhile. We can up the security, and-"

Spencer's frantic head shake stopped him from having to interfere ad go into cop mode. If Alex had gotten in here tonight what was to stop him from getting in again? She would be safe with no one but him. He didn't trust anyone else to take care of her the way he would. It might have sounded possessive, but it was just fact. He would do anything to ensure her safety.

"Then at least try the summer house in Bucks County. The community is gated, so he won't be able to get in."

That wasn't a bad idea. He had no doubts that Alex would find a way in at some point, but there was no need to make it easy for him and go back his apartment. "Spence- that might not be a terrible idea."

Mrs. Hastings shot him a tired smile before looking back down at her daughter, but Spencer had eyes for no one but him. "You'll come?"

He smiled sadly and brushed his nose over hers. "You couldn't keep me away."

* * *

><p>SPOV<p>

The summer house was a good solution, but they still had to pack first. She didn't need much, but she needed more than she had there. And Toby didn't have anything there. As hard as it was, they had to stop back at Toby's apartment.

She was shaking. She saw it, and by the tender way that he held her hand she knew that he saw it. He was so gentle, so careful. When this was all over she'd have to find a way to thank him for all of this.

"Spence, while you were in the bathroom I called Caleb. Him and Hanna are going to come out too, if that's alright with you?"

It was fine, but she didn't understand why. He obviously saw her confusion because he brushed a gentle hand across her cheek. "I know you aren't ready to talk to the police, but if we're going to catch him they have to be kept informed. So I might have to run to the station occasionally, but there was no way in the world that I was going to leave you alone."

She nodded as they pulled up alongside Toby's apartment building. She moved to get out of the car, but Toby's hand tightened around her arm. "Spence, listen. I really want to be optimistic, but the cop in me is forcing me to tell you that I have a feeling Alex has been here. It's the perfect time to try to break you." His fingers found her chin and tilted her face backward to share a soft kiss with her. "Don't let him. You're so strong."

"I'm not sure-"

He cut her off with another kiss. "If you want I can check first, but I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone."

She shook her head. "No. I can do it."

He might have said something else. She didn't know. Her mind was focused on the singular mission of getting into the apartment, getting her stuff, and leaving again. His hands led her out of the truck and up the stairs. Their first sight of the door confirmed Toby's suspicions. The door hung from its hinges as though someone had rammed into it. Toby moved their intertwined hands behind his back to ensure that he was in front of her. "Promise me you'll run if I tell you to run."

There wasn't a chance in hell she'd leave him to fight her battles for her. "Toby-"

He turned around and framed her face with his hands. "Promise me, Spencer."

The thing about Toby was that he was always so genuinely honest that he was oblivious to the duplicity of others. So she nodded with no intention of leaving him. He looked at her for a second before nodding, leading her into the apartment. Her heart dropped as she saw the state of his apartment. Red on the walls, dishes smashed on the floor, slashes in his furniture. "Oh God," she breathed. "Toby, I'm so sorry."

"This isn't your fault." He hesitated. "I want to go check the bed room, but-"

She shook her head. "I'm coming too." He wasn't going to leave her behind now.

But as they walked into the bedroom she wished she had waited in the living room. Pictures of Spencer were scattered across the bed with words like slut and bitch written on them in what looked like red lipstick. In many of them he had drawn a red line across her throat. She looked away and walked to the dresser. Toby wasn't following her, but she knew he was processing. The cop in him would be battling the need to preserve evidence with his desire to protect her. She pulled open her top drawer her bit down hard on her lip when all she saw inside was a lacy black thong and a folded up piece of paper. She took the paper and unfolded it before Toby could stop her.

_Wear this for me, baby. Took the rest for safe keeping. -A_

Toby snatched the paper out of her hands, and immediately directed her toward the door. She could tell by his stiffness that he was mad. "Wait-" she protested dully.

He didn't stop. If anything his hands became more persistent. But, despite his frantic movements, he never became anything less than gentle. "No. I'm sorry. I never should have brought you in here."

She turned and put both hands on her chest. In that moment she was more angry than scared. "You listen to me for a second. You don't get to apologize for any part in this. Without you I'd be dead by now. You're the only thing that keeps me safe. You don't get to apologize."

He swiftly kissed her forehead before continuing to push her out of the apartment and into the truck. "What now?" She asked him quietly.

"I'm going to call this in, then I need to stop by the station briefly."

She looked at him curiously, trying to hide the shaking of her hands. "Why?"

He took one of her hands in his, never one to not notice the small things. "I need to pick up a sidearm. And I need to talk to Ezra. And while I'm doing that are you okay to call Hanna? See if they could bring us some clothes?"

It was hard to reconcile the soft, gentle Toby she knew with someone who carried a gun. But if the past few days had taught her anything it was that he was incredible at his job. She squeezed his hand in affirmation. She would do anything he asked her to do, anything she could do to finally end this.


	20. Chapter 20

**Shorter chapter, but I can't help a good cliffy! We're almost done, guys! This is the beginning of the end!**

**I LOVE YOU ALL. Review okay? It helps me write faster :)**

Chapter 20

TPOV

**Present: Midnight**

Lightning flashed across the sky, an ominous setting for their dire situation.

It felt like he was on fire. Something was clawing its way through his chest. He couldn't think clearly. All he could focus on was her cool hand against his heated neck. Her thumb stroked out a soft circle.

"I'll come with you. I'll do whatever you want. Just- just leave him alone. Let me call 911 once we get down the road, okay? I'll come, and I'll never fight you again."

As if her words weren't bad enough, the fear in her voice increased his pain tenfold. He should have listened to his instincts and brought more protection for her. He should have known he wouldn't have been enough to protect her. When had anything good in his life stayed?

"Spencer, get out of the way."

Black danced around the edges of his vision, distorting his vision, the shapes and colors all blurring together. But what couldn't be missed was the distinct clicking of a gun.

"_No._"

**Past: 6 pm, same day**

It was storming out. The weather channel said it was going to last all day, and well into the evening. Bad storms weren't common in the city, so it all had an ominous air about it that was making him nervous.

But as he watched his girlfriend on the couch, chatting animatedly with her best friend, his concerned ebbed to the edges of his mind. She was happy, so he was happy. It was funny how it worked out, that his happiness could be so intrinsically wrapped up in the well-being of another human being. But it was Spencer, and he loved her.

Things were almost back to normal, in the most tense way possible. Spencer was acting like she was fine, and sometimes he would believe it. But then she would flinch, or she would lean into him in just the right way that would remind him of everything that she had gone through. It was enough to break the strongest of people, but she was still standing. She always pulled through. But God, he wished that she didn't have to deal with any of it.

"Toby, come play with us!"

He forced a smile and sat down next to Spencer and across from Hanna. He supposed that Hanna's calling him by his name was a far cry better than asshole. "What are we playing?"

"Spencer wants to play Scrabble," she whined. "I suck at Scrabble, but I suppose I can indulge her."

"Toby's the real challenge here," Spencer mumbled, staring at her tiles. "He's way smarter than he comes across as."

"Wait, is that a complement?" He laughed.

She looked up at him with a half smile. "I'm just bitter."

He laughed again. That wasn't the first time she said those words to him.

_"What did you get on the biology test?" She asked him, nudging his thumb off his screen as she peered over his shoulder._

_"86," he answered hastily, shoving the phone into his pocket._

_She rolled her eyes and snagged it from him. "You're lying to me, Toby!" She laughed and flipped through the pages until he found the email. But when she did her smile immediately vanished. "You got a 100? Really? I only got a 95."_

_"Spencer-"_

_"I mean if you got a 100 I really should have done better. Maybe I should have-"_

_He tilted her chin up and kissed her softly, effectively interrupting her rant. "Should I be offended right now?" He chuckled, not offended at all. He actually found her neurotic grade obsessed side to be kind of endearing._

_"No!" She shook her head, like she was clearing her mind. "No, no. You're smart, baby. I'm just being a bitter jerk."_

_He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and kissed her again. "No, you're adorable."_

"You guys and your cute little Scrabble war," Hanna laughed and spelled out glove to start the game.

He didn't even really pay attention as they game progressed. He was just happy to hear Spencer's laughter, and he knew that having Hanna there was a big part of it. There was something about Hanna, something you couldn't be sad around.

Spencer's victory whoop brought him back from his dazed state. "I won!" A nearly invisible flinch passed over her face at her sudden movement, but it was gone almost as fast as it appeared. Apparently the month separating themselves from her escape was enough for her to begin to heal. Maybe she would be okay. Maybe she would be able to move on from this.

But as soon as the optimistic thoughts entered his mind a loud knock rapped on the door, and she jumped. He reached for her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze before pulling himself up to answer the door. On the other side was a cheerful man in a grey colored shirt. "Hey! We're here to check the heater, water softener, and all that junk," he gestured toward the back of the house with his head. "It's all out back in the equipment shed. I just wanted to let you know that we were here."

"We?" He asked, only seeing the one man. Maybe he was being paranoid, but could you really be paranoid when someone was out to get you?

"Oh," he looked behind him. "I don't know where he went off to, but I'm training the new kid today. He's only been with us for a couple days, and is still trying to get a feel for things. Is that alright? I can-"

He shook his head to cut the man off. He hadn't meant to give off an impression of distrust. He was just being overly protective. "No, that's fine. We'll be in here if you need anything. Try to stay dry." He firmly shut the door behind him, and when the lock clicked shut he turned back to his friends.

"Who was that?" Spencer asked, scooting closer.

He put a reassuring hand on her knee. "Just maintenance. Everything's fine."

"No," Caleb groaned, finally joining them. "everything is decidedly not fine. There is no food in this house and I need a pizza."

"Then go get a pizza, you cry baby!" Hanna smacked her boyfriend in the face with a pillow. They were so nice to each other.

He looked at her questioningly. "Are you not coming?"

"Are you kidding?" She turned to look out the huge picture window. "It's pouring out there. This," she pointed to her straightened hair, "might only be for the three of you, but it still took an hour. Not messing that up for a plate of cheese and carbs."

The mock betrayal on his face was almost enough to make him laugh,_ almost_. He just huffed and stood to his feet, making his way to the door. He felt Spencer take in a breath, preparing to talk, but before she could Caleb spoke. "I know, Spencer. No sausage."

She giggled and leaned into him for a second before rising and heading off into the kitchen. He knew she was after a diet Mountain Dew. Ever since she began to cut down on her coffee intake she practically lived on the stuff, but he didn't have the heart to tell her that the coffee was actually probably better for her.

He turned to Hanna, about to ask her if she wanted to play another game when his girlfriend's voice came from the kitchen. "Toby?"

She sounded scared, and that wasn't okay with him. He launched up from his spot and made it into the kitchen in just a few steps. "What's wrong?"

Hanna was on his tail, and snatched up a butcher knife from the table. He'd have to lecture her about her choice in weapons later, because he didn't see a scenario in which someone didn't get that off of her.

Spencer didn't acknowledge him. She just stared out the window. He came up behind her and put a hand on her waist to steady her. "Spencer-" but he stopped, spying exactly what had her so concerned. A large, body shaped lump laid sprawled out on the grass. The rain made it hard to see exactly what had happened, but he was pretty sure it was the man who had knocked on the door. It could have been a coincidence, maybe he fell or was having medical issues. But he didn't think so.

He turned and framed Spencer's face with his hands. "Go into the bedroom, lock the door, and put something against it. Don't open it unless it's me or Caleb." He paused. "Hanna, put the knife down." He rifled through the junk drawer and grabbed his sidearm, passing it to her. A gun was probably a better choice, but none were especially comforting. But he knew they needed a way to defend themselves.

"Toby-"

He wasn't hearing it. There wasn't time for this. "I'll be okay, Spence. I'm trained for this, remember? Just keep yourself safe." He kissed her forehead before shrugging out of her grasp and walking toward the door, praying that this wasn't what he was afraid it was.


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm sorry this is shorter, but I live for cliffies. And I figured you guys would want me to draw this out as long as possible :). Probably 3 or 4 more chapters to go!**

**If you haven't yet go check out my new story, Falling to Pieces. **

**MY INTERVIEW IS A WEEK FROM TOMORROW AND I'M HAVING A MINI PANIC ATTACK. I can't stress the words dream job enough here.**

Chapter 21

TPOV

He searched the entire yard, but he didn't find anything. And when he said that he didn't find anything that's what he truly meant. He saw the man in the yard; he **knew **that he had. Spencer and Hanna saw him too, he was sure of it. But there was no one to be found, and it was making him feel uneasy... exposed...

He turned and ran back into the house. The uneasiness wasn't for himself, but it was for Spencer. Alex had to have found them. There was no other explanation that made sense, and he had to get them out of there. He had Hanna to worry about too. Literally any other time he would have searched for the maintenance man. The poor man was just caught in the cross fire, and he deserved better than that. But nothing could ever surpass his desire to protect Spencer. One life wasn't more important than another in the grand scheme of things. But to him it was.

The backdoor was hard to open, and for a horrible moment he thought that Alex beat him inside and rigged it shut. But right on the brink of a panic attack it popped open. He locked it behind him, ran to lock the front door, and shook his hair out as he took the steps two at a time to reach the bedroom. He knocked on the door and heard Hanna shriek at the noise. "It's just me. Let me in."

Scuffling was the only noise he heard as they worked to move whatever they had barricaded the door with. As soon as it was open a crack he stepped inside and wrapped Spencer up in his arms, swaying her back and forth. "Are you okay? Did you guys hear anything before I came inside?"

Hanna answered him. "I didn't hear anything, but I didn't hear you come in either. The storm is really loud. Toby, should we leave?"

He hesitated, looking between the terrified girls that were depending on him to make the right decision. In any other circumstance he would have told them to run along ahead of him, while he covered them with his weapon. But that seemed too risky to people that he genuinely cared about. He could defend a doorway better. But what if Alex was anticipating that? He was smart enough to figure out their next move.

He had only felt this level of indecision once before, and it honestly explained his profound dislike and distrust of her parents.

_His cell phone rang, granting him a momentary distraction from his German text book. He had a test the next day, one he was determined to get an A on. Dating Spencer had been good for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was his grades. She was so smart, and he wanted to be academically inclined enough to hold her interest._

_Speaking of Spencer, he smiled when he saw her name flash across his phone's screen. "Hey. I thought you were having dinner with your parents?" __There was a long pause. "Spence?"_

_The first thing that he heard were quiet sniffles. "Hey," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I know you said you were studying, but-"_

_"What's wrong?" He asked her quietly, already on the defensive. She didn't get upset very often, but when she did it was usually about her parents. "Are you okay?"_

_ "I know it's a long drive, and I understand if you can't but-"_

_His keys were already in his hand. "Where are you?"_

* * *

><p><em>He drove faster than was probably advisable, but none of that mattered when he crunched over the gravel of Rosewood Community Park's parking lot. He spotted her lithe figure immediately, in the slow, pendulum-like movement of the swing set. Her toes scraped along the mulch as she swung slowly.<em>

_"Spence-" he whispered as he approached. He tried not to scare her, but she jumped at the sound of his voice. He stepped in front of her to stop the swing, and put a hand on her chin, tilting her face up toward him. The light caught her cheek, revealing the makings of a black eye. His whole demeanor changed immediately. He dropped his hands, not trusting himself to even touch her. "Who did this to you?"_

_Actually, he didn't need to wait for her answer. He knew who did this. He turned on his heel and marched back off in the direction of the car with violence on his mind. How dare anyone hurt her? Especially her **parents. **He was beyond angry. He was livid._

_"Toby!"_

_Any other time her voice would have been enough to stop him, literally any other time. But he wasn't sure anything could stop him right then until she darted in front of him and put both hands on his chest. "Toby, stop. Please, just stop." Her voice cracked at the end._

_This wasn't what she needed. He knew she would prefer that he just hold her, but was that the right decision? Shouldn't he go let the person that hurt her know that if they ever touched her again he'd kill them? He framed her face with his shaking hands. "Who did this to you, Spencer?"_

_She put her hands on top of his. "He was drunk," she said softly. "I doubt he'll even remember tomorrow, and my mom didn't see. She was getting some more wine."_

_"Your **dad? **Your dad hit you?" But the tears in her eyes already had him softening. She needed him more than she needed to be defended. If she wanted that she would tell him._

_"Do you want me to take care of it?" He whispered into her hair, pulling her closer, having to check before he let the issue go. If she wanted him to he would go destroy the Hastings patriarch in a literal heartbeat. It wouldn't take much._

_But she shook her head, burrowing herself into his solid embrace. "Don't leave me."_

_"Never," he whispered. "I'll never leave you, Spence."_

He let her down. Not that night, he was confident that he made the right decision there, because Spencer was later proven right. Her dad had no memory of the incident and never hurt her again. The thought still made his blood boil, but it was truly an isolated incident. No, he let her down by falling for Alex's plan; he let her down when he left her alone. He wouldn't do it again.

"We need to leave. Pack some things and then we're leaving town. You too, Hanna. We'll meet Caleb somewhere. I think we should pick up Emily too. We can't leave behind anyone that he might be able to use against Spencer."

"My parents?" She whispered.

"He obviously knows about your relationship with them," he explained. "I don't think they're in any trouble."

Her face twisted in guilt. "Guys, I'm-"

Hanna beat him to the reply. "Spencer Hastings, if the next word out of your mouth is an apology I'm going to shove one of those $500 pillows down your throat."

"They hardly cost $500," she mumbled.

"$100?" Hanna's voice was tense, but she was obviously trying to diffuse some of the crushing tension in the room. When Spencer shifted uncomfortably a ghost of a smile appeared on Hanna's face. "Pillow snob, oh my God. I think I pay like-"

But her voice stopped at the sound of a pronounced creak above their heads. It wasn't the sound of the house settling. The creak that immediately followed it confirmed his fears. It was someone walking.

He was already inside.

APOV

He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he knew by the increase in pitch they had heard him. They knew that he was coming. He weighed the loaded gun in his hand with satisfaction. It would end tonight, one way or another. If he couldn't have Spencer no one would. He would take her, and he would eliminate any threats to their eternal solitude.

It would end tonight.


	22. Chapter 22

**Yes Toby's arm is still broken! I didn't describe it well. it's not like a full arm cast. Just his wrist, so there isn't much he can't do.**

**GUYS DID I MENTION MY INTERVIEW IS FOUR FREAKING HOURS LONG!? I'M SO NERVOUS.**

**Okay yeah, A Colorless Sunrise will be up tomorrow, and Falling to Pieces by the end of the weekend.**

**Just a couple more to go on this one! **

Chapter 22

SPOV

She needed to get Hanna out of there. Toby already snapped his wrist because of her. If someone else got hurt she wouldn't be able to live with herself. But the only thing she could think to do was a categorically terrible idea. She shrugged out of Toby's arms and made her way to the door.

"Spencer!"

She ignored Hanna and grasped the door knob, but Toby's hand on her arm stopped her. "Spence," he whispered, taking her back in his arms; his grip was tight enough that she couldn't get away, but lose enough that she didn't feel afraid. Although, she was pretty sure that feeling afraid around Toby was an impossibility. He made her feel nothing but safe.

But she couldn't let him do this. She pushed against his chest. "You need to let me go. Maybe I can get him away from here... give you guys a chance to get away."

He shook his head, putting his face in her hair. "If you think I'm going to let you go out there alone you've literally lost your mind, Spence." He let her go, keeping a restraining arm on her shoulder. He gestured Hanna closer to them. "Here's what we're going to do," he explained in a low voice.

* * *

><p>Toby's lips brushed over the sensitive skin below her ear. "I know this was my idea, but if you don't want to do this-"<p>

She shook her head. "No, you're right. It's the only way. Just stay back." She turned so that she was looking at him. "If you get hurt trying to protect me I'll never forgive myself, Toby. I need you to stay safe."

He looked torn, and she got it. She really did. Leaving him to face his biggest fears alone... to face Jenna alone... that would have been her undoing. She wouldn't have been able to do it. But the situations were different, because all Jenna could do was bring up the past. Alex could hurt her again. But it didn't matter. None of that mattered, because she would gladly take on all the pain in the world as long as it meant that Toby was safe.

"Promise me, Toby," she breathed. "Promise me you'll stay out of the way. That's the only way this is going to work." She grasped at his shirt, looking up at him with tear filled eyes. The indecision in his eyes was doing nothing more than increasing her hysteria. He had to stay safe. He _had too._

Toby dipped down and kissed her gently. "I'll stay out of the way," he promised. "But that only goes for as long as he keeps his distance. If he touches you I'll be there in a second, I promise."

Somehow that was comforting and terrifying at the same time. But she nodded because she knew that was the best she was going to get. She kissed him one last time before leaving him behind in the kitchen.

She didn't like it. She didn't like it at all, but at least Hanna was out of harm's way. She thought of her friend curled up in the closet on the phone with Caleb. They just had to hold Alex off for a little while; just long enough for the police to get into the house.

But they had to know, they _had _to see, that she would gladly offer herself up before letting a single one of them get hurt. So she had that option still. She could still do that if things went wrong. But she had to believe that everything would be okay. She had to believe that it would end here.

"Alex?" She stood with her back to the living room wall, knowing that he could hear her. She knew he would come for her, and the only thing keeping her together, the only saving her from drowning in the waves of panic, was knowing that Toby was there too.

He stepped into the living room through the arched entrance to the front foyer. He looked different. His hair was dyed and shorted, but it was still him. His appearance was different, but the crazed desire in his eyes was still the same. If her back hadn't been flush against the wall she would have taken a step back. He smirked, as though he read her thoughts. "Here to give yourself up, Spencer? I didn't think you'd come so easily."

"You thought I'd let you hurt my friends trying to get to me? You clearly don't know me at all." She winced, waiting for him to hit her for her cheek, but the blow never came. Instead he laughed more raucously than the situation called for.

"I missed you, Spencer. You shouldn't have left me." He reached an arm out for her. "But that's okay, we're together now. Are you ready?"

"Wait," she whispered. "Wait, I need you to promise you won't hurt my friends first. Not Hanna, Emily, Caleb... not my parents or Toby. If I come with you you leave them alone."

The laughter stopped, but he didn't move. "I don't really think you're in any kind of position to be making demands, Spencer."

She shook her head frantically. "It's not so much a demand as a request. You love me, right?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "If you love me you'll leave them alone." She wanted to run. Hell, she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, because the way Alex's eyes were raking over her body was making her feel disgusting. It was bringing up the worst kind of memories; things she never wanted to think about again. But this wasn't about just her anymore. She had to do this for Toby and Hanna... she had to keep them safe.

But Alex also had to stay back, because if he tried to touch her she was absolutely certain that Toby would intervene. And in a fair fight Alex wouldn't stand a chance, but Toby was hurt. He only had one arm, and while he got him when he rescued her from the cabin from hell, that was because Alex was distracted. He was focused right now, and she wasn't sure that Toby could take him.

Alex took a few steps forward, coming to a stop just in front of her. "Kiss me," he said so softly that she knew Toby wouldn't be able to hear him. "Kiss me and I'll leave them alone."

"Alex," her voice broke over his name. "Please."

"Please what, Spencer?" He took another step forward.

She slid down the wall a few feet to put some distance between the two of them. "Just-"

"Just leave you alone? That's not going to happen. That's **never going to happen. **I waited _four years _for you. I can wait more if I have to. You'll be mine, and you always will be." He bridged the gap between them and ran a gentle hand down her jaw line. "It doesn't matter if it's now or or ten years from now. I'll have you."

She saw Toby edging his way into the open, but her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't even breath, let alone stop him. Not that she really wanted too. She flinched away as Alex's lips lowered. He grabbed her upper arm, and squeezed so tightly that bruises were sure to erupt below his fingers. But before he could try again Toby grabbed him and threw him to the ground.

Spencer stumbled back and clutched her wrist to her chest, cringing against the wall. She watched them wrestle on the ground, feeling relieved that Toby seemed to have the upper hand. But that only lasted until the Alex pulled out a shiny, silver handgun. Toby had it out of his hand almost immediately, but the struggle changed. Now they were after control of the gun.

She crawled forward, going for the gun too. If her and Toby both were after it maybe they could gain the advantage. She was feeling incredibly stupid for having left their gun with Hanna.

"Spencer, get back!" Toby groaned as he caught sight of her.

She hesitated, torn. She didn't know what to do.

_"Did you hear about that new CSI kind of show about the cops that are dating?" Hanna asked about the kind of show that sounded like something only she would watch._

_Toby groaned. "That is so unrealistic."_

_Hanna snorted at his pessimism. "You don't know everything, Mr. Future Cop."_

_"But I do know about this," he explained earnestly. "If Spencer was my partner I wouldn't be able to get anything done. I would be too focused on protecting her and not focused on my job at all."_

That had to apply in this situation, and she needed him to focus. As much of a feminist as she was, she knew in her heart that Toby was the only one of the two of them that had a chance at getting a hold of the gun. She ducked behind the couch and pulled her legs up to her chest. She buried her face in her knees and squeezed her eyes shut, praying to whoever was listening that Toby got a hold of the gun. She prayed that she wouldn't be forced into go back with Alex, because she knew that if it came down to that or her friends getting hurt she'd choose the return trip to hell every single time.

The booming dislodge of the gun caused her to start violently. She nearly collapsed as she rounded the couch and saw Toby on the ground with blood pouring from his chest and Alex standing over him. No. She didn't think, she just scrambled to get between them. Toby's hand found her arm as she crouched between them, putting herself between Toby and the gun.

She didn't know what would happen next, but she knew that Alex would hurt him further only over her dead body.


	23. Chapter 23

**I have to go to work, but a couple things first. I'm not trying to be whiney, because I know I get more reviews than most people, but it sucks when something you built up to for so many weeks only gets four reviews. I have two chapters to go, and I honestly promise that I'm not going to post the last two chapters so quickly if they're so sparsely reviewed. I'm not withholding it or anything... I just won't be able to motivate myself to finish writing it. A Colorless Sunrise and Falling to Pieces need updating too!**

**But yeah. One more real chapter and an epilogue. Let me know what you think, okay?!**

Chapter 23

SPOV

Toby's hand tightened around her arm, and she knew that he wanted her to move. But that wasn't going to happen.

"You don't want me to hurt him?" Alex's eyebrows rose. "Then let's get going. I'll even give you a minute to say goodbye."

She closed her eyes. She knew she was going to have to do this, and she'd do it happily if it meant that Toby and Hanna got to walk away from this. But that didn't stop the fear from settling heavy in her stomach. It was doubtful that she'd make it out of this, but that was a price that she was willing to pay. Her friends didn't deserve to get hurt because of this. She nodded, the sick smile that spread across his face made her nauseous.

"No." Toby's voice choked out behind her. "No, Spence-"

She glanced at Alex who nodded. "You have five minutes."

She didn't want to turn her back on him, but if it was her last moments with Toby it was something that she would risk. She turned to him, and put a hand on either of his shoulders, keeping him down when she saw how he was struggling to get up. "Stop. Relax, okay? Just relax." She leaned in and pressed her lips to his forehead. "Everything will be fine," she whispered, not really believing her words. The only escape she saw was to stall until the police arrived, but Alex still had the gun. And she would rather go with him than risk Hanna or Toby getting hurt further.

There was so much emotion in his eyes. He weakly grabbed at her wrists. "Y-you can't," he coughed. "I won't-"

"How are you going to stop her, Cavanaugh?" Alex laughed from across the room. "I finally got the upper hand. You're a bit incapacitated, and I've got her alone. No one to help her. Maybe we should just have a little fun right here?"

She was relieved, because he clearly didn't realize that Hanna was still in the house. Maybe they did have a chance. She looked down at Toby, tears welling up in her eyes. She leaned down and kissed away the tear that was trailing down his cheek. "Trust me," she breathed into his ear.

He let out a hacking cough, blood dotting along his lips. She had to get him out of here. She turned to Alex and gave him as sincere a smile as she could manage. "You're right. I don't want to wait either." Toby's fingers brushed over her hand as she walked away from him, leaving her heart behind.

As soon as she was within arm's reach of Alex he swung out with the gun and hit her hard across the face. She was caught off balance and fell to the ground. His heavy boots made contact with her stomach twice as she tried to crawl away. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her back up to her feet.

"Spencer!" Toby groaned. She could hear him shuffling, and knew there was nothing she could do to stop him. But hopefully Alex saw that he wasn't a threat like this.

Alex rolled his eyes at whatever Toby was doing and roughly yanked her chin up, kissing her mouth sloppily. "That was for leaving me, you whore. I'm done with the games. You're going to obey me this time."

She just nodded silently, trying to keep the tears at bay. She wanted to turn back and look at Toby, but she knew that Alex wouldn't respond well to that. Besides, she had years of memories to sustain her when things got bad. But as soon as Alex's fingers dug into her arm she heard it. The sirens that meant both an end to this sick game, and an escalation on Alex's part. Because he wasn't going to take well to this.

"Let her go, or I swear to God I'll shoot you."

Hanna's voice should have been a source of comfort, but now it was just another person that was going to get hurt because of her. "Get out of here, Han," she said softly, her voice cracking at the end. Because Hanna might have had a gun, but Alex did too.

Alex dug his gun into Spencer's side instead of pointing it at Hanna, which was a relief. "I swear to God, blondie. Back down or I'll shoot her. Because I'd rather no one have her if I can't."

Hanna didn't falter, keeping her gun aimed at him. "You touch her again and I'll shoot you in the face. I might look stupid, but I can do this."

His head shifted toward the door at the sound of the sirens and then back to Hanna. "Why should I not just take all of you out with me? Because I'm apparently going to jail."

"Because that would be stupid. Stalking? Kidnap? That'll get you a hefty sentence, but three murders will get you life." She was glad Hanna was doing the talking, because she caught sight of Toby's bleeding figure on the ground and could focus on literally nothing else. She tugged on her arm, trying to get free. She didn't even care if Alex killed her. She didn't care.

She got her arm free and stumbled to the ground, falling on her knees next to his body. "S-spencer-" he mumbled, grabbing her elbow.

"Shhh," she soothed, sounding more complacent than she felt. She pressed her hands onto Toby's wound and bent down to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Focus on breathing."

"Stop!"

She didn't have to glance at Hanna to see why she was freaking out. Alex stepped back into her line of vision. "Come with me now, Spencer. And I won't hurt any of your friends."

It was a catch-22, because she could literally feel Toby growing weaker just by the grip that he had on her arm. He was stubborn as hell, and he'd hold onto her until the bitter end, but his fingers were loosening and sliding down her skin. She needed to keep pressure on his wound and slow the bleeding. But if she didn't move there was always the possibility that Alex would hurt him further, beyond the possibility of recovery.

"Um, hello! I have a gun too. If you even think I'm going to let you do this you're a whole lot stupider than you look." Hanna waved the gun haphazardly.

Alex snorted and turned his attention back to Spencer. "This is your last warning, Spencer."

She didn't look up. She kept her eyes on Toby. He looked at her too, mouthing no with his blood splattered lips. His hand slid the rest of the way down her arm and came to rest on her hands. She saw him lift the gun out of the corner of her eye. "_No." _She could't let him do this. She couldn't let him hurt him.

The explosion of a gun filled her ears and for one horrible moment she thought that Alex had shot Toby again, but she took in his shocked face and looked over her shoulder at Hanna, who looked as shocked as Alex did. "No," she pulled herself together. "that was _your _last warning."

She about jumped out of her skin at the sight of Caleb creeping in through the foyer entrance. He was carrying the fire extinguisher they kept on top of the fridge. He made brief eye contact with her before sneaking up behind Alex and slamming the red cylinder into the back of his head. And just like that her nightmare collapsed to the ground in a still heap.

The sob that had been building up in her throat for the past ten minutes finally escaped. She pressed down harder on Toby's chest and hunched over him, completely spent. Was this finally over? She thought he was unconscious. His eyes were shut and he wasn't moving, but a weak hand found her back. "S'okay," he mumbled.

It wasn't okay. It wasn't even a little okay, and it wouldn't be until he got help.

"What the hell were you thinking, you idiot?" Hanna's voice was a perfect combination between angry and relieved. "You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"Yes, Hanna," Caleb spat out sarcastically. "Yes, I was going to just sit outside with the cops while my girlfriend and best friends were stuck inside with a maniac. That's exactly what I was going to do. I heard shouts and gun shots and thought screw it, dodged the cops, and snuck inside. And its a damn good thing that I did, apparently!"

Gentle but firm hands grasped her shoulders and peeled her off of Toby. She didn't want to let him go. She didn't want to leave his care up to anyone else, but the logical part of her knew that the paramedics were so much better to save him than she was. She let him go, but she didn't even think before trailing after him.

"We'll meet you at the hospital, Spencer," Hanna voice called after her.

She owed the two of them everything, but she wouldn't be able to properly thank them until she knew that Toby was okay. Then she would take half of her trust fund and send them off on an elaborate cruise if they'd let her. She'd do whatever they wanted. Because they saved her life, and more importantly they may have saved Toby's. She sat on the bench next to Toby's stretcher and took his hand in hers, grasping it tightly.

He would be okay. He had to be okay.


	24. Chapter 24

**Just an epilogue to go! You'll get more about Alex in there :)**

**To everyone asking about my interview... I think it went okay! They told me I'd hear about it in two weeks, so we will see! I'll let you all know! Falling to Pieces will be up in the next day or two, just so you know :). Love you all!**

Chapter 24

SPOV

The steady ticking of the clock filled her ears. She didn't hear the quiet chatter of the nurses. She didn't hear her friends from somewhere behind her. And she didn't Toby's father and stepmother come in.

They had been reunited for such a short time, but it felt like they never left. It felt like no time had passed. She traced a soft finger over his jawline, as her mind was overwhelmed with memory after memory. She loved him. God she loved him, and he had to be okay.

_She passed him a mug of coffee. "Once we get warm we'll get going, if that's alright?"_

_He nodded and took a long sip. She eyed him carefully. "Are you sure you want to come with me? I know that lectures on the rise of Christianity in the Modern Roman Empire isn't for everyone. I don't mind-"_

_"Spencer," he laughed. "Stop, of course I want to go with you. I was just focused on not drowning in this swimming pool of coffee that you gave me."_

She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He wasn't just there for her through the potential life ruining presence of Alex in her life. He was there her through the little stuff; the lectures and coffee dates and tears.

_"Spencer?"_

_Of course he would find her. Of course he would look for her until he found her in the hallway she specifically chose because it was always abandoned._

_"Spencer, come on. Look at me. What's wrong?"_

_She just shook her head and continued to look out the window. "It's stupid."_

_"No it's not. Nothing that has you this upset could ever be stupid." She felt his hand on her knee. "Maybe I can help."_

_"I'm just feeling a bit inadequate," she whispered._

_He used his free hand to tilt her chin up. "Tell me what's wrong, Spence."_

_"I always felt like the smartest kid in the room in high school, but now I'm just- I don't know, I'm just one of the crowd."_

_Toby smiled and leaned in, kissing her softly. "That's not true. And even if it was you'd always be so much more than that to me."_

He had a way of kissing away insecurity she had. He would just touch her and she would forget why she was upset and just remember that he loved her. And if someone as perfect as Toby Cavanaugh loved her then nothing could be as bad as it seemed.

As long as he was by her side she could handle anything in the world. That was something that was even further emphasized by the years that she spent without him.

_"Just say what's on your mind, Toby." She jerked out of his arms and walked down the hall._

_Toby followed after her. She didn't have to look at him to know that. She didn't even have to see him. She knew he would follow her. He hated confrontation more than anything, but he wouldn't leave her alone when she was this upset. And to be honest, he might be as riled up as she had ever seen. "I don't like the way they treat you," he finally spoke, catching the bedroom door behind her. His voice was hard and quiet. "You deserve better."_

_"They're my family, Toby." All the fight left her voice. Because how could she fight with him when he was just worried about her? A hot tear trailed down her cheek._

_"No," Toby whispered pulled her back into his arms. His lips brushed over her cheek, kissing away her tears. "No, Spencer don't cry. I'm sorry."_

_"No, I'm sorry," she mumbled, hiding her face in his neck. "You're not wrong. I just- they're my family, you know?"_

_"I know, Spence. I know, and I get it. I just hate to see you hurting." He whispered into her hair._

He had to come back to her. He had to. Because they've only had a few weeks together, and those weeks were saturated with Alex related fears. And she hadn't thanked him. She hadn't thanked him for literally putting his life on hold and protecting her with everything that he had. He had called off work, left his apartment behind, and taken her into hiding.

He held her when she cried, he nursed her back to health, and he calmed her through the nightmares that plagued her damaged mind. He reminded her what was real. He held her, and he made her feel safe again; something she never thought possible.

And she thought that he knew. She thought that he knew what he meant to her, and how endlessly grateful she was for his perfectly timed return. Even when he was gone, even when she thought the worst about him, he was still protecting her. He was still working to keep her safe. Even if he _did _know, he deserved to hear it out loud. He deserved to be told, every single moment of every single day, how much she loved him and how grateful she was for and to him. She loved him._  
><em>

She laid her head down on the mattress, her lips just inches away from his ear. She worked her fingers through his soft locks of hair, hoping that it would comfort him as much as it comforted her. "I love you, Toby," she whispered, only for him. "I haven't said that enough since I got you back, but I love you. I love you so much it hurts. The thought of losing you literally kills me; especially because it would be all my fault."

She inched forward and brushed her lips over his neck. "Please don't leave me. Please. All I can think about is what I could have done to prevent this. Maybe I led Alex on when we were in school? Maybe I should have just snuck out in the middle of the night; whatever it took to keep you safe, to keep Hanna and Caleb safe. But now I've put you all through hell, and for what? A little comfort? I should have left while I had the chance, and then you all would have been safe. Because there's no denying that this is my fault."

"Spencer?"

She didn't move. She knew Emily would understand. It was infinitely more than her troubled mind could deal with. Nothing would happen until she knew more about Toby's recovery. She would just lay there with him. Kiss him... touch him... talk to him... just do whatever it took to convince him to wake up. That's all she needed. If he wanted her to go, if he blamed her for this, she understood. God, she hoped that he wouldn't. But if he wanted her to go she would. She just needed to see that he was okay first.

"Spence, you need to eat something. It's been two days, and you haven't moved. Don't you at least have to pee?"

That surprised her. Because it didn't feel like it had been two days. It felt like hours, maybe just minutes had passed. It felt like time wasn't moving, and it shouldn't. Time should have stood still, because what was the world without Toby Cavanaugh? What was the world without the most selfless, humble, loving, incredible human being that had ever walked it? It just felt wrong that time was passing. It was passing for everyone; everyone but her.

And if Toby didn't survive, if he didn't make it, time would never start up again. Because without Toby there wasn't life for her; not anymore.

"Alright," Emily sighed. She put a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "I'm headed home for a few hours. Hanna and Caleb already left. We'll all be back later tonight, and I'll bring you some food then. And I expect you to eat it all."

Emily left, and she was alone with Toby. There wasn't anyone with them, and it honestly felt right. Because she felt so guilty. She felt nauseous. Her stomach twisted into knots as the image of him falling to the ground, the blood pooling underneath him, as all of that passed through her mind. What happened to her was trivial compared to what happened to him. She would recover. She would be able to move on. She had suspicions that she could have done something to stop Alex, but the logical part of her brain knew that it wasn't true; that there was nothing she could have done to prevent his fixation on her. But Toby? She could have stopped that, and she would never forgive herself for any permanent damage he suffered.

"Toby, I don't know if you can hear me, but can you just try? Try to open your eyes?" Her voice broke off in a pitiful sob. She adjusted herself and perched on the edge of his bed, looking down at him intently. Her right hand cupped his cheek, and her thumb brushed out a soft pattern. "Please? Just let me see that you're okay. I need you, Toby. God, I need you. I managed to survive before, only because I knew you were out there somewhere. And as much as I tried to hate you, deep down inside I wished you nothing but happiness, which or without me. But I can't live in a world you don't exist in. I don't _want _to live in a world without you, Toby."_  
><em>

She hunched over him, her body covering his torso. Tears soaked into the shoulder of his hospital gown. "I love you. Please wake up. I love you." She sobbed into his solid neck until she finally succumbed to her exhaustion.

* * *

><p>At first she didn't know what woke her up. The room was dark, and the machines were still beeping steadily. He was okay if the machines were any indication. She yawned, nuzzling her nose into his neck. And that's when she noticed it. A soft tugging and a gentle pressure on her hair.<p>

She sat up so quickly that her neck cracked, and she was rewarded by the sight of his blue eyes. They were open. He was awake.

He smiled tiredly at her. "I thought you'd never wake up."

She let out a sound that was either a laugh or a sob. She didn't know which it was. "You should have woken me up, you idiot."

He smiled a little brighter and reached out for her hand. She met him halfway, lacing her fingers with his. "I love you. I love you so much."

"Are you okay?" His voice sounded rough, but his grip was solid and his eyes were wide open. He was really alright.

"Are you seriously asking me that right now?" She asked him with a laugh. "Toby, you got shot. It's totally okay to worry about yourself for a little while."

He shook his head and touched her face with soft fingers. "Seriously, Spence. I don't remember much after he hit you. Are you okay?"

She realized that he was touching the bruises that Alex's gun must have left behind. "I'm completely fine. It doesn't even hurt. Hanna came down a few seconds later, waving your gun around. And before Alex could even try anything else Caleb smacked him in the head with a fire extinguisher."

He snorted. "Hanna with a gun is equal parts amusing and terrifying."

She nodded in agreement, leaning down to kiss him. "I love you so much." She gently kissed him, scared to death of hurting him, but unable to keep her hands to herself. He was alive. He was alive, he was okay, and he didn't blame her. "I love you," she murmured into his skin.

"I love you too, Spencer," he whispered, pulling away to look into her eyes. "I don't want you to blame yourself for this, because being here is infinitely better than you being here in my place."

"What did I do to deserve you?" She whispered, shifting to lay flat on the bed. She tucked her face into his neck as his arms wound around her.

"I am pretty awesome," he chuckled into her hair.

"You're awake!"

They both jumped, but she didn't move. She leaned deeper into his arms, for the first time feeling like maybe everything would be okay. Alex was in jail, Toby was awake, and all of her friends were surrounding them. Everything was finally looking up.


	25. Chapter 25

**This is short, and I'm sure you already guessed the contents. How could I have ended it any other place?**

**Okay, so here's the deal. This story is THIRTEEN REVIEWS away from being my most reviewed story. Do you want to steal Let's Go Back to the Start's number one slot? I WANT YOU TOO! Review. If this surpasses my goal then I am completely willing to write a couple outtakes of this. Let me know what you want to see in your review :).**

**ALSO, this chapter is for keepitsmpll. Don't EVERRR apologize for flooding my inbox with reviews. I LOVE IT. I swear you have no idea how excited I was when I saw your reviews. You're so great! Hope you enjoyed it and my other stories :)**

**This story was such a whim. It just came to me one day, and I didn't expect it to be so well received. But you guys are crazy incredible!**

**I have another story, less tragically sad, in mind for once I finish A Colorless Sunrise. So stay tuned :)**

**And seriously, even if you're reading this two years from now. I will still read your review and love it and smile and love you.**

Chapter 25

TPOV

What she was preparing to do went against every single thing he believed was right. His heart was in his throat as he watched her bustle around the room. She pulled out a shirt and eyed the neckline for a second before putting it back and pulling on something more conservative.

He doubted she even noticed, but he did and it literally broke his heart. Nothing that happened was her fault. It didn't matter if she wore less makeup or changed her appearance or her style of dress. Alex had fixated on her, and there was nothing that she could have done to stop it.

But he could have. If he hadn't left her no one would have dared touch her. He could have saved her all this pain. But the time for guilt could come later. Right now he had to support her, because what she was about to do would be next to impossible.

"Spencer, are you _sure?_" Her physical wounds had long healed, but her internal suffering was only beginning. She probably didn't even realize how often she jumped at unexpected noises... how she flinched when she wasn't expecting something. He was sure that he was the only one her noticed the way that she tucked her face into his neck when she didn't recognize someone's voice.

What she was planning on doing now had the potential to either set her back exponentially or to propel her forward. It was the unknown that terrified him.

She didn't answer. She just walked forward into his open arms and buried her face in his chest. He clutched her back with one hand and smoothed down her hair with another. "You don't have to do this."

"Yes I do," she mumbled into the fabric of his shirt. "It's the right thing."

If it was right then why did it feel so wrong? But he would never say that to her. He would just be there to hold her hand through it all, and if it went as badly as he suspected it would he would just be there to hold her hand through the pain.

* * *

><p>They drove util they, ironically, ended up in Rosewood, where it all began for them. As he pulled to a stop in front of the imposing, historic building labeled Radley Sanitarium, he turned to look at her one last time. "This isn't going to be easy, Spence."<p>

"I know," she murmured, her eyes on the building in front of them. "But I still have to do it. Closure and all that."

"He's probably not going to say any of the things you need to hear. He might-"

"He won't be able to do anything," she turned to look at him with a half smile. "I'll be fine. And you'll come with me, right?"

"Of course," he said, reaching for her hand. She didn't even have to ask.

"Then I will be fine." She brushed a kiss over his knuckles before dropping his hand completely and sliding out of the car.

He followed after her, quickly catching up and snagging her hand. The two of them walked together up the steep steps and into the imposing building. He could literally feel Spencer's apprehension growing with every single step, but to her credit she never wavered. She knew what she needed to do and she was doing it.

She slowed to a stop at the front desk. "I'm here to see Alex Santiago. I called ahead."

The nurse nodded. "He's in the day room. There are signs, but if you prefer I can escort you."

"No," Spencer said quietly. "I think we'll find our way."

Her hand started to tremble in his as the walked up the dark, narrow hallway. "Spence-" he hesitated, ghosting a kiss over her curtain of hair.

She shook her head. "We'll talk after, okay? I just- I can't think about this too hard or I'll never bring myself to do it."

His concern slowly broke away to this unbelievable level of pride. She was so strong. Any other person would have broken after experiencing half of what she did. But she was still going. She was fighting, and today would do more for her recovery than anything else could if she managed to get through it. Letting her back in the same room as that maniac went against everything he believed, but he would be there this time. He would be there the whole time, and Alex would never hurt her again.

She stopped with her hand on the door. He wouldn't make her talk, but he certainly wasn't going to let her feel alone in their either. He pulled her into his arms, and when she melted into him rather than pulling away he gently swayed her back and forth. "You're alright. You're fine. He won't touch you, Spencer, I promise. And you're never alone. You know that."

He felt her nodding against his chest before she pulled away and walked through the door. He shadowed her, not willing to let her get more than an arm's length away from him. He couldn't offer her much protection if she strayed too far from him. He nearly ran into her when she came to an abrupt stop, and it only took him a second to realize why she stopped moving.

SPOV

Even now, even as she felt Toby's hand on the small of her back and his jacket on her shoulders, the sight of Alex Santiago literally sent her blood running cold. She knew he couldn't hurt her, but every instinct in her body told her to run. But she was going to ignore that, and it might have been the stupidest thing she ever decided to do. What was she hoping to accomplish here? "Alex?" She whispered, taking the last shaky steps she needed to to reach his table.

His eyes whipped up at the sound of her voice and almost immediately hardened when he saw Toby behind her. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to talk," she said softly, pulling out a chair and perching on the edge of it.

Alex's eyes darted between Spencer and Toby before finally settling on her. He erased the vulnerability from his face and raked his eyes up and down her body. She adjusted the collar on her already conservative shirt and shrank back in her chair. It was something that she had been working on with her therapist, that no matter how she dressed or acted, she didn't deserve what Alex had done to her; that it wasn't her fault. But it was a lot easier said than done.

"We would have had all the time in the world to talk," he said sadly. He scrapped at the peeling paint on his chair and avoided eye contact.

"No," she disagreed. Every cell in her body called for her to flinch away when he looked at her, but she held her ground. Her fingers tightened around Toby's, and she was sure that she was cutting off his circulation, but he gave no notice of discomfort. He just gently brushed his thumb over her hand. "You would have killed me by now."

"I would never-"

She shook her head, cutting him off. "You would never what? Hurt me? What about the punches, the kicks, and when you held my head underwater? When you choked me and touched me in places I didn't want you to touch me? You say you love me, but then you do things like that?" Her voice cracked.

"Spencer, I-"

"No!" Her voice was far too loud for their present location, but she didn't care. "No, you don't get to say anything to me. You don't get to try to explain it away or tell me you were trying to teach me a lesson. Because that's bullshit. You wanted power, and you were stronger than me. So you took it. Who hurt you?"

He didn't look like he was going to respond so she continued, her voice rising in tenor. "You don't get like this on your own. Textbook PTSD, but I'm sure they've told you that in here. Actually, you probably should have learned that in your psychology of law class. You're sick. So I'll ask you again, _who hurt you?_"

"My dad," he mumbled. "It was my dad."

She nodded. She was going to cry, but she'd be damned if she'd do it in front of him. "Well, I'm sorry about that. Because, thanks to you, I know exactly how that feels. It doesn't excuse what you did to me, but you didn't deserve that either."

And like that his sad face twisted into something that could only be described as evil. "I should have just killed you when I had the chance. Seeing your face turn blue when I held your head in the sink would have been a hell of a lot more satisfying than this bull shit psychobabble." He looked past her at Toby. "You ever tried that, man? Because I'm telling you the struggle is delicious. Her wispy little body twisting under yours and the shades her face turns when she takes in water?"

She could feel Toby getting agitated. She stood up and put her hands on his chest. She looked back over her shoulder at Alex. "I hope you get the help you need."

"And I hope you find someone to treat you like the good for nothing whore you are," he stood up, but she wasn't afraid of him anymore. He couldn't hurt her.

She pushed on Toby's chest, directing him toward the door. It only took him a second to snap out of his angry stupid and to take her hand, walking with her. She didn't turn around. She had gotten everything she needed. Toby's hand felt right in hers as she left her past behind her and walked toward her future.

As soon as the exited the day room Toby dropped her hand and wrapped her back up in his arms. "I love you. I love you so much," he murmured into her ear. "You're so unbelievably strong, and I love you."

His solid arms eradicated the fear and uncertainty better than anything else could have. Because Alex might not have been able to hurt her, but that didn't stop her from feeling apprehensive, from jumping at random noises. Alex being locked away had no bearing on the fact that she literally might not ever feel safe again. Just because he was locked away didn't mean that someone else didn't have the power to hurt her. But that wasn't a problem when Toby was around. He made her feel safe, free.

Alex was her past. The fear was the past. Her future was Toby, and it was bright.


End file.
